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@miss-ying
Even the most intelligent people get deceived
"You will not understand, not then or ever. But you are in love; you are stuck. The past few months were undoubtedly the best of your life, so you will hang onto his half-assed effort at loving you and being gently placed on the back burner. You are not dumb, but he will deceive you. He will tell you he loves you and will play mind games with you, slowly pulling himself away month after month. You will feel it, and you will occasionally make him aware of it and he will tell you that you are wrong. “Stop being insecure,” he will tell you, “you know I love you to the moon and back.”"
[MYS007] WAITING by et aliae remixed by Ulzzang Pistol
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Guy's answer: Difference between a girl you date and a girl you hook up
The difference is whether she has more than sexual chemistry with me
As someone who did the casual thing for about 9 and a half years before meeting and getting to know my current gf (also a redditor and probably reading this), I’ll try and give my take.
Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type (vastly different interests, beliefs, etc) and it was purely about the physical. If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff. I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. That’s not to say there weren’t girls who I had feelings for, but my trust issues meant that I stifled the feelings and kept them at arm’s length, or inexpertly blurted out how I felt while drunk and made a hash of it.
I really don’t wanna come off like a misogynist, but I respect a woman more if she doesn’t just put out straight away. It’s down to trust and I don’t think I could trust a girl who would just sleep with me the first time we meet to not do the same with others. Probably a self-esteem thing too. My head was a little fucked before, due to being screwed over and hurt in the past (if you didn’t already guess that when I said I’d been single by choice for nearly a decade).
Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc – all the things my girlfriend is. It’s early days really, but I love spending time with her, I consider myself lucky to know her, and I trust her. That’s the real difference, I guess. The fact that she’s gorgeous on the outside too is just a bonus – I can’t help but feel a little smug.
Lea Seydoux, Catherine Deneuve, Marion Cotillard, Kristen Stewart, Lupita Nyong’o and Mia Wasikowska - 2014 Cannes Portraits photographed by Benoit Peverelli
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