It was never easy, but it was worth it (my promotion & self-healing journey)
Earlier today, I signed my appointment for promotion from Teacher I to Teacher II. In case you are wondering what’s noteworthy (some may say that it’s just a step up from my former position) about it, let me share you my journey for this promotion.
January 2021, our new officer-in-charge (acting school principal) encouraged us to join the open ranking for reclassification and promotion. Yes, the two processes are different (click here for more information), and most of the time, promotion is easier. In my case, promotion was not available that time, so I was designated for reclassification.
A year passed with no news of the reclassification, aside July 2021 when I was asked to submit original copies of my credentials to the district office. I thought then that signing the appointment for Teacher II is already at the corner, but time proved me wrong.
2021 is a fairly relaxed year for me. I am adept at paperwork, so the demands of modular distance learning is just fine for me. I was able to prepare learning materials ahead of time, while juggling other school-related tasks and taking my master’s degree. The expenses are also low; we do not have to report to school everyday, so I was able to save my allowances.
2022 started quite good too. It was until March when we started to report five times a week at school due to the limited face-to-face classes. I taught four times a week and still have to monitor the students under modular distance learning. I was also a coordinator in various school programs and organization. Coincidentally, it was my second semester in graduate school and one of my subject is methods of educational research, one of the most time- and thought-consuming subjects I had! I had a lot on my plate, not to mention the demands from my friends, the pressure from my elderly mom (this story is for another time), and the conflicts between my colleagues which indirectly affected me.
I was in constant conflict between trying to stay positive and breaking down. The expenses are almost what my pockets can handle, and I was constantly tired physically and mentally. Some colleagues would offer suggestions, others were simply meddling, while others wouldn’t help but were practicing one-upmanship on who has the most number of problems.
I was constantly overthinking. There were a lot of questions inside my mind.
“Why is it taking so long to be promoted?”
“What are the possible sources of extra income?”
“When can I get the insurance I want?”
“Why is it so hard to please my mother?”
“Why do they have it but I don’t?”
“When can I simply fall in love and get married?”
I was always irritated and oversensitive. I was like a thorny plant. Some would only pull some jokes and I was ready to blow the roof. My mother would say something about buying something expensive and I was ready to doubt my self-worth. My best friend would ask how I am (because I am not talking to her anymore) but instead of feeling good, I felt as if no one really understand me.
The pressure and self-expectation are weighing me down, I know. But I can’t do anything about it. I do not know how to stop myself from drowning.
I owe my realizations to prayers. I always pray to God for guidance towards the right path. I didn’t realize it during my time of struggles, because I was tired of waiting. My patience ran out countless times. There came a point that I thought I wouldn’t feel excited to receive my promotion, because I was not hoping for it anymore.
The journey towards healing was never easy. There was no one I can ask or consult, and I have to perform my daily tasks and various duties while comforting myself in silence.
One day, I paused. Don’t get me wrong; I still come to work and do all of my usual tasks at home. I still talked to my colleagues and friends. But I tried hard not to overthink, and not to fill my head of things out of control. I went back to one of my most favorite mantras: acceptance.
I have a lot of expenses. The transportation eats most of my budget, but I have to come to school everyday, so I practiced cost-cutting on other not-so-important expenses. I used e-vouchers and coupons. I avoided special trips going home and opt to wait for other passengers. I started going to the grocery which offers better prices. I accepted the fact that the prices of commodities and transportation is out of my control.
I go to church regularly and actually started listening to the homily. I reflected on the priest’s reflections for the gospel, and I found out that it’s almost as if God’s message for me is relayed through those reflections. They comforted my soul and gave me renewed strength to keep on going. I (slowly) realized that God’s plans are the best, and are way better than my plans. God made me wait for a purpose; He tested my patience for a reason. The long wait is intended to strengthen my faith.
One of the best things I learned in my very long waiting season is that, always choose to be good and to do good. Be happy for others, help those in need, do good deeds.
Two days ago, I helped a few colleagues by supporting them during the research colloquium. Yesterday, I advised another colleague on how to obtain good teaching resources. Yesterday afternoon, our administrative officer told me that I can come to the division office today to sign my appointment.
What I did are simple things, but they are genuine and full of good vibes. The good karma I received is tenfold of what I extended to others.
While I was signing my appointment, it feels surreal. I never thought that I would be so happy to receive my promotion because I thought I’ve already forgotten it. I didn’t; I simply put my plans in God’s hand and waited for His timing. I can’t explain the joy I felt when I read the documents and took photos outside the division office. It was finally here! The long wait is over! My patience bore fruit!
I still have a lot to learn, but that’s life, right?
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