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@missingmercutio
it has been a while since i have stopped to document my thoughts. i dream of mercutio many nights still but i am happier now. i love him so dearly but i also love mercy, and rosaline, and those friends and family who have stuck by me. his memory is now more a blessing than a burden
Do you see yourself as a good person?
exhausting myself over thinking of mercutio has challenged my views of 'good' or 'bad' and i think it is very hard to place one person into those categories if he is just existing as i am now.
How is Mercy?
she's doing well! she's begun to warm up to rosaline as well, although she doesn't purr for her. she eats from my hand and listens well when i read. she's a very calm and sweet cat
what was mercutio like in his worser moments?
mercutio was loud, he was brash, he was rough and angry, he was unruly and impossible to calm down, but my duty to love him was voluntary and i wouldn't have traded it for the world
What are you afraid of now?
i am afraid of losing rosaline, of losing mercy, of forgetting, of being alone
What is it like to feel whole after death? Have you gotten to that point yet?
after mercutio's death? i don't think i feel whole quite yet, as i still feel a nagging emptiness where his affection and his light once resided, but healing after the loss of my beloved is a process that makes me think life is that much more unfair yet somehow more beautiful than before
the heavy mourning period is over, but i wonder if it would be appropriate to say one last prayer that his soul is somewhere safe
i read aloud to mercy again today. she curled up in my lap and as i pet her i was overcome with tears. some days this happens and sometimes it doesn't, but either way she is here to comfort me. i love her and wish mercutio could have met her.
i miss him and i miss romeo and i miss the warmth we shared and i miss our friendship but i am still alive and i am going to build up my life again
friar laurence reassures us that heaven is real, and thus hell must also be real. what leads to the decision of the higher power to deem one divine versus demonic? do actions speak over the heart? can words make a difference? if he laughed and jeered but had a gentle heart where did he go and why?
i woke up feeling rather good today. i can feel him smiling on me from wherever he is
a month without my two greatest companions leaves me feeling rather melancholy, and i go to rosaline for comfort. she feels quite the same. we go berry-picking
today is one month since i lost them both. its felt like years but the grief is still raw
What did you dream of?
it was an odd dream-- i was in a strange place i had never been before, like the church but darker, roomier, holier somehow. mercutio came in and we talked about what we could have done differently during his life. he danced with me on that cold stone floor but as soon as i wanted to say 'i love you' he melted away and i was left alone with only the sound of dripping water far away
i found myself dwelling on the journal entries and his feelings towards me, and as i fell asleep i knew i would dream of our past
a roaming bard had struck up quite a sad tune at the market today. everyone else thought it quite jovial, but it reminded me too much of his smile
i took mercy to see the graves of my two best friends