to cope

[missingsuggestion]

i am a mix of sticks and stones —

a syrup stain on the face of everything that holds me together.

how can i decipher what is supposed to be apparent?

how can i overlook all that consumes me?

zero identity — i am struggling to accept my reality

as a broken person, woman, and soul.

i look around and all i see is a red exclamation

who is holding me dangerously afloat.

-missingsuggestion

[missingsuggestion]

how can i ever be what people expect from me

[archbudzar]

I’m not used to being this small

follow my art on Instagram

(C.B)(3.20.19)

[missingsuggestion]

i left you, and i can’t say i regret it. we were pulling each other apart without realising it, yet i still can’t completely let you go. i love someone else, but i continuously check on you. i can’t get you out of my mind. at my loneliest, i crave your attention, your recognition. we haven’t spoken in so long, and im not going to change that. nothing will happen between us again, yet the distance between us will be less than ever next month, and i crave it and yet it makes me sick

[missingsuggestion]

some days I’m perfectly fine with the fact that I couldn’t make you stay. Then there’s the other times. All our memories come creeping up on me and god they get me good. You’re everywhere. You’re in the room we shared, you’re in the songs on the playlists you made me. Hell you’re even in the air I breathe. I can’t keep looking around and only seeing you. It hurts, way too much. I know you don’t miss me either. I know you don’t care about how much pain you left. Come back to me. I’m sorry

[missingsuggestion]

i miss you so much. i wish we could forget everything and start over.

[missingsuggestion]

accepting submissions :)

[missingsuggestion]

i loved you inside out, upside down, and backwards. i loved you always, i loved you forever.

[missingsuggestion]

stop checking to see if they’re talking about you. they’re not. spend your time building a strong bridge and get over them.

[missingsuggestion]

i wrote this in loving memory of your past self, in loving memory of when i wake up to a lifetime of affection. i try to be enough, but all i can do is kiss your eyelids and offer my protection. when we’re alone you taste like love, like coca cola, like you don’t know if i’m real. when we’re not, i accept the fact i can’t be worth the fight and tape the last pieces of your commitment to my wrists. i’m not ready to let go of a million days and a million nights. we fall in and out like water on a beach we never got to, a place we never went. i spend all my time trying to keep you and you’ll never know, you’ll leave quick but i’ll move on slow.

[missingsuggestion]

my favorite color is pink, 1. eggs we dyed on easter sunday 2. i brought you roses on your birthday and you cried 3. sweet like bubblegum, i ran my thumb across your bottom lip and you didn’t flinch 4. peach juice on your fingertips like a child in a high chair 5. after a night in the park, we watched the sun rise and your cheeks were flushed 6. your sweater, a tear in the sleeve from when we ran through the woods 7. the backs of our thighs after a day spent sat on concrete 8. a tub of ice cream we shared the night he broke your heart 9. my eyes the night you broke mine

my favorite color is pink, and it’s all i see. // a.k.s. (via missingsuggestion)

[missingsuggestion]

how do i say i’m sorry for getting away when it was the best decision i ever made? i’m sorry if i slept all day, i was impossibly tired of you screaming my name. i’m sorry i didn’t let you get your way but i don’t deserve this pain.  how do i say i’m sorry for telling them what they needed to hear? i’m sorry they lent an ear when you disappeared. i’m sorry i lived in fear of you leaving me here. how do i say i’m sorry for trusting you? i’m sorry you didn’t know what i could do, but that’s on you. i’m sorry i gave you too much, i’m sorry we’re through.

how could you? / a.k.s. (via missingsuggestion)

[deleted65132131-deactivated2016]

you looked beautiful standing on the porch, your eyes circling, waiting to flee. love was pouring out of me, pooling around your feet. a summer sweat, sticky behind the knees, plastering your hair onto your neck. flesh hot against my own, tongue burning the back of my throat, like the fizz in my coke. i thought “this is it, this is it. she’s going to go.” i woke up, sun streaming through the window, an empty bed and an emptier heart.

an unrequited love // a.k.s. (via 3351)

[missingsuggestion]

i learn to let go of you by thinking of you often; the longer i spend drenched in the memory of who you were then, the closer i get to forgetting who you are, once again. i learn to let go of you by throwing out my fruit, every peach and plum, though there are few. we come in twos, in order to get rid of you, i must sever my own ties, too.

[missingsuggestion]

some note poetry bc tumblr always messes up my layout anyway

[missingsuggestion]

i wake to green lights, six zero three. my hands are stained with blood from a night i cannot remember. i am up, stumbling towards cool tile, cool sink, cool glass. water drips from a face i do not recognize. i cannot be bothered to introduce myself. my gaze shifts to her toothbrush, it sits where she left it. carpet between my toes. the ceiling fan rattles above me. the only sign of her is a glass, lipstick stained. it is empty. i hold it to my mouth anyway. i am empty. i may not fear death, but i fear what i have become.

a.k.s

[missingsuggestion]

some note poetry bc tumblr always messes up my layout anyway