1. The topic of OCD is brought up
2. You wonder: do I have OCD?
3. You don’t stop wondering
4. You take an OCD screening test
6. You take every OCD test you can find, becoming confused because not all your symptoms line up with the test questions
7. You write down all the symptoms you can think of relating to OCD
8. You circle your symptoms, then rewrite the list so it looks neater
9. Then you rewrite the list another 5 times, because each time you think of new possible symptoms and want to put them in a certain section
10. Eventually you ask someone: do you think I have OCD?
11. They say yes, but you don’t believe them. How can you, when you don’t know how much they actually know about OCD.
12. You get a diagnosis of OCD from a psychiatrist but you’re still not sure, after all: some tests online said you didn’t have OCD, and it’s always at the back of your mind
13. There are times when you can’t research OCD and it makes you anxious, so you tap your fingers on the table to get rid of the anxious energy. It seems to help (but it doesn’t, not really)
14. You re-read the lists you have of your OCD symptoms
15. You re-read the information you saw about OCD and re-take the tests
16. You ask someone else if they think you have OCD, they’re annoyed, but you have new evidence so you HAVE to ask
17. They say they don’t know and that sends you into a panic
18. You ask someone else and they say they can’t give a diagnosis
19. You stay up late several days a week, asking people online if they think you have OCD, rewriting your symptoms over and over
20. Someone suggests you could have OCPD. You worry you were wrong all along, were you actually faking? Did you evaluate your own symptoms wrong? How well do you even know yourself?
21. Then you do the whole thing again, this time with OCPD. And stress about who you are. What do YOU know about anything? Can you trust your own mind?
22. You learn that compulsions are similar to stims. You obsess over whether or not you have autism.
23. Then tourettes, despite the fact you have no symptoms of this disorder. But since you “don’t know yourself” how can you be sure? Besides, compulsions and tics are quite similar, right?
24. The obsessing never ends. You attain new compulsions to help yourself cope.
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