that bfrb feel

this is a blog for those who suffer from BFRBs to share their experiences TO THOSE TRYING TO RECOVER OR REFRAIN FROM BFRB BEHAVIORS: some of the posts on this blog may be triggering. View at your own risk. DISCLAIMER: We are not professionals and are not able to prescribe diagnosis, differentiate between BFRBs and other disorders for you, or give any type of medical advice. All questions we answer on this blog in relation to BFRBs and related topics should not be taken as fact. Private messages should be sent to @thatbfrbfeel-admin (admin) or @slim--pickins (mod SP)

[slim--pickins]

Like fire ant bites on a 3rd degree sunburn

The hives just get worse I think I need To get this staph infection treated but I can’t imagine it’d be healthy for myself or anyone else if I entered urgent care with these open infected sores… my skin is tearing, these blisters are new & growing, these bruises? I’ll be okay. I’m over reacting & overwhelmed & in pain & panicking but I know it’s going to be fine It’s going to be fine I’m fine I’m already fine

I know and it’s not healing like it was, like it should be Something’s wrong and I’m all blue green red purple and this fever needs to break, I showered today, I brushed my teeth, it all hurt, I’m embarrassed, I don’t understand But I’m okay, I am, and i acknowledge that I’m having an episode right now, I’m Not sure what kind, but I also know that my skin at this point is a separate concern, I just need to keep my wounds clean, continue to avoid scratching & keep sanitizing my fingernails, I’m fine I’m fine I really am though like Wow, I’m so sorry this is humiliating I’ve been feeling so lonely lately, I’m losing my grip, I’m sorry

[thatbfrbfeel]

I need to ask for help, I need to face this

[sweet-speckles]

Challenge: leave the tiny spot alone

My body flipped out this week and I got my period randomly and my face decided to grow a coldsore. (Too much info and gross i know.. sorry)

I want to leave it alone… but i am also driven to dig and pick until the “imperfection” is gone.

My goal for the next few days is to breathe and move past the compulsion to pick… wait for the feeling to leave… I know it won’t last… I just need to be strong!♡

Wish me luck♡

Lets keep a count… Monday: x2 picks (not bad… i want to do better though…)

[thatbfrbfeel]

Best of luck💘 you're doing great!

[andvaka]

*furiously picking* um I don’t have a bfrb tho

[positive-affirmation]

You are not alone in this. You are loved by so many.

[justkeepswimming-ok]

[silkpoem]

My day starts like this: I wake up and my soft skin is hard again. The cocoon has swallowed me once more, It covers my face and whispers Fingers itch to be free. Scratch, scratch, scratching. I break free of this shell every day but Its incessant pestering voices Never cease to let me take a breath.

- Dermatillomania Diary, A.U. (via reinne)

[pickitperfect]

someone: wow! You have a lot of bug bites! me: yeah….. “bug bites”…..

[thatbfrbfeel]

I feel like such a failure. I have gotten to the point where I am tearing off the acrylic nails now. I used to have such nice hands and I don't anymore. I'm not sure what I can do anymore to stop the biting.

thats terrible, love... i am so sorry. 

i remember, one time when i was in high school, i got acrylics for prom to cover up my stubbers, and i ended up picking/biting them off with my teeth as well (which as u prolly know rips the nail off with it)

& i remember that excruciating pain, pulsing through my fingertips constantly...and the perpexing shame and guilt..”why cant i stop? how am i unable to refrain from these impulses that i know result in significant damage?” its horrible, I'm so sorry that you're facing this right now. & i know how discouraging it feels, but i hope you always remember: you are not a failure.

& i am very proud of you for stating “i feel like a failure” instead of “i am a failure”. it seems like a small detail, but its very important for you (&all of us) to remember that, even in the way we talk to ourselves. feelings change, pass, grow, dissolve, evolve, its a wild mess. a shit show. 

&your hands will be beautiful for as long as they belong to you. no matter what.

what helps my hands is sugar scrub (it helps exfoliate my chewed cuticles too) & keeping a nail file handy all the time every day has really helped me channel my urges into something thats less harmful & far more sanitary, which helps the pain & swelling.  

50% of the time I'm consumed by the goal of ‘quitting’ my behaviors, and the other 50% I'm trying to find peace with the fact that I'm not there yet, i cannot fully control it. whatever pot of golden idealistic recovery stability that I'm after at the other end of this exhausting rainbow- is not happening right now. whats happening is that these conditions and struggles are up in our faces 24/7, and the shame is just crushing... we have to learn to love ourselves anyway, i think. we definitly need to forgive ourselves. i think thats something we should all practice, everyday. 

[thatbfrbfeel]

That BFRB feel when you WANT to get treatment, but the only 3 therapists in your state listed on the tlc website are 1-2 hours away

[skinpickingsupport]

If you ever question if recovery from Dermatillomania is possible, I want you to know it is. There is no pill, cure, or one set strategy to begin unraveling this disorder. Two years after my therapy with Karen Pickett ended, I’m still exposing my clear legs and don’t take the opportunity I got to be on “The Doctors” to get help for granted. I’m waiting to get Karen’s part of our book EMBRACING DERMATILLOMANIA: My Skin Picking Recovery completed so I can finish the 3rd draft have it ready for an editor shortly after. This book outlines my therapy process and will include observations from Karen as we move through the sessions. I can’t wait to get this out there to be a guide in helping others who are looking how to reduce or eliminate their skin picking. :)

[heavenfaced]

The amount of bandaids I go through each week from biting my nails/skin to the point of bleeding, OR to prevent myself from biting my nails/skin to the point of bleeding, is ridiculously high 🙃

[shybiviolet-blog]

I know summer can be tough for people with dermatillomania (like me)

I know how it feels to suffer through the heat in pants and long sleeves because you don’t want people to see your skin

I know how it feels to work up enough courage to wear shorts or a t-shirt or a bathing suit and then people ask “oh what happened” or “what are all those spots/scabs/scars/etc. from” or “are you ok? your skin doesn’t look so great”

So this is for me and anyone else who needs to hear it:

My skin isn’t ugly, my skin isn’t gross, my skin isn’t ruined. And neither is yours.

I can wear whatever I want to this summer. I can wear shorts and a t-shirt, I can wear a bathing suit, I can wear a crop top or a shirt with a low back or anything else that shows my skin. And so can you.

And if I don’t feel comfortable showing my skin this summer, if I need to cover up to feel safe that’s ok too. I don’t need to be ashamed of doing what’s best for my mental health. And neither do you.

And if people make comments about my skin, I will do my best to remember that that reflects poorly on them not on me. I will try to remember that even though their words hurt there are people who think I am beautiful and perfect even with all my spots and scabs and cuts and scars. It’s really really hard but I will try to believe the words of those who care about me over the words of strangers who feel a need to comment on my appearance. And I truly, truly hope that you can too <3

[lovedhappysafe-deactivated20230]

Starting to feel okay

Yesterday was the first time in a very long while that I accepted my face for what it was. My dermatillomania had been at its worst recently. My cheek and nose was covered in red spots. I thought they’d never go away. They’re finally starting to clear up. Yesterday was also the first time I put makeup on since my derma worsened. I didn’t put foundation on, or anything for that matter on my skin. I did my eyes and lips, and I felt cute! I started to realize that you don’t have to have flawless skin to look pretty. I focused on how pretty my eyes actually were. I guess that’s one of my best features. :) My skin doesn’t define me. And it’s completely okay to not cover your acne and picked spots. And today I feel confident again. I know the times will come back when I absolutely despise my face, but for now I feel okay. And when I’m feeling hopeless, I’ll remember how I feel now. And realize that the good days will come back and I’ll feel this way again! I’ll try to focus on the positive rather than the negative about myself from now on. I’m beautiful. As I type this, that one part of me says “no, you’re not.”. But that’s okay, one day I’ll believe it fully if I have to repeat it everyday. Because there is no one else like me. I am one of a kind and I’m thankful for that. Today, I accept myself.

[thatbfrbfeel]

* taps on/chokes into the mic * Hi hello yes, mod SP (@slim--pickins) here and I have a relatable bfrb feel but no clever or thought out way to describe it, at the moment I am very 'trancy', but I know that I'm not alone in it. I know that so many of you feel this way now, or have before & you know this type of pain, and I should probably wait to post this but I'm just going to reach out now because if anyone else who reads this feels this we just both need to know that we're not alone. Every inch of My legs hurt and my arms and my fingers. My back and chest and face and my skin, my whole skin, scalp, palms, gums & lips-it hurts so bad and I don't want to cry & I feel frozen in this physical and mental throbbing, like it's always going to be this way and burn this bad & it's not, it can't. It's breaking my heart, I don't want to feel this way I don't want any of us, anyone to ever have to feel this way. I know I'm going to be ok and I know that It'll heal up, our bodies are always working to heal up. It just hurts so bad right now and I'm so sorry to my skin and my body and my soul and to everyone who has felt this way, we got this, we got this

[pickingprincess-deactivated2023]

I attack my cuticles with merciless precision. It is the only sensation that feels genuine.

David Levithan, Every Day (via pickingprincess)

[thatbfrbfeel]

Me: *goes one day without picking*

Me: hallelujah I am cured I am free I'd like to thank not only god but also Jesus this must be how it feels to live without mental illness

Me: *picks once*

Me: you know what I've given up I'm never going to be able to function properly what was any of this even for when will I know the sweet release of death

[slim--pickins]