@missshame - Tumblr Blog

lowkey feeling like I took all the wrong decisions, my whole life is a scam, it's too late to fix it and I'll never be happy but I guess this too shall pass

it never goes away ( the urge to ditch med school)

wovi

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simone weil

wovi

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ursula k. leguin

vrtoglavicazanosa

brmc nme article (by porcupiny)

#Tag yourself I'm the three of them #We ain't right in the fucking head y'know #Unfortunately you can't call people crazy or paranoid the way they did back then #Brmc

weltenwellen

Goatsong Leila Chatti

#gregg araki #the doom generation #james duval

2colde

mutuals let’s have a julian casablancas summer

#talkshow boy

#talkshow boy #i can't see anything kmfdm related without remembering the new year eve party where I played #godlike at some point and some guy came and changed the song #also i didnt really know the girl who was hosting but i found out during the party she and her family were friends with a former president #anywayss

i feel so weird and dysfunctional but also functional enough and righteous in my bad ways and beyond therapy and like life is always going to be a little suffocating but not in a way that can be or even should be fixed

#here we go again

i can't believe I also had to discover talkshow boy by myself

#when it comes to music I truly only have myself #and the youtube algorithm i guess

kristina100000

as someone who's been in her cocoon for 1-2 years and slowly getting back to the tecktonic and overall electronic scene i just want to say that dancing is so so so wonderful. spending my nights dancing with beautiful strangers, laughing, talking to them and never seeing them again... i know my city very well so thankfully i have a knack for picking good but relatively cheap places, but even then there were countless of times where i couldn't afford even the cheapest place i can think of and i danced in my bedroom, stayed up just to listen to my favorite artists, mixes and songs. and of course i still do it. i don't think i can be bothered to be embarrassed by anything anymore and i want the same for everybody else. you don't exist for anyone else's eyes and i am a firm believer everyone deserves to get it out of their system, despite if anyone is watching or not. even if something is preventing you from dancing (be it physical, for example, financial, etc.), you deserve to be in your own musical zone one way or another. Everyone needs to feel themselves...... everyone !!

#preach

kiki-de-la-petite-flaque

The war will end. The leaders will shake hands. The old woman will keep waiting for her martyred son… I don't know who sold our homeland. But I saw who paid the price.

— Mahmoud Darwish

went to the brmc show in paris and i'm not sure how i feel about it lol

#like i'm very grateful that i got to see them and even more grateful because they were sick and had to cancel their show in belgium a couple #days before #plus not that it surprised me but they really treated the audience well #playing all of howl + many of their most energetic electric songs after #they played for two hours in total #not much talking but personally i like it better when the band talk less and play more so yeah #but the thing is that i didn't connect to the experience the way i was hoping/expecting to #we were not vere close to the stage so maybe that played a part but idk i kinda didn't feel the energy overall #like i kinda didn't like the crowd? the shouting during the quiet songs and not jumping that much during the fiery ones lol #but well i was quite static myself i think it's the distance from the stage+ not feeling part of the crowd + i was lowkey worried about #if my friend was liking it or not #(turned out she liked it a lot which is definitely a highlight)#also i could't see them well and i guess that was frustrating + the sound wasn't great in my opinion #and probably my expectations were very high from how much i like the band and how amazing they were when i saw them the other time #idk anyways they were true to themselves and going strong which makes me happy #alsoo i'm questioning if staying sober at shows is impacting negatively my ability to get loose and immerse #like i kinda was frustrated after some shows were i got quite drunk because things get a little hazy and i wanted to be more present #but the thing is i'm so fucking inhibited when i'm sober in a group of people aha #so well long story short i didn't enjoy the show that much which makes me sad aha #also about the sound my friend had those earplugs for concerts and she said she felt like it was upgrading the sound like when she #would take them out the sound was awful to her lol #idk

i feel so disconnected

#i guess this is just the existential loneliness we all have to deal with but #i tried dated again and long story short i doubt i can actually do this like shit is so artificial and going so fast and #i felt like i was playing pretend or idk #it just didnt feel right #and honestly i think i'm fine with the idea of “just” having friends but we live a couple oriented world and i'm afraid i'm just completely #idealising relationships in general #like i only care about true deep connection but this shit is rare + i'm not socializing enough to begin with #also i'm feeling out of place and bored at work again #long story short i feel abnormal and i'm drinking again #shut up

I have a problem that can't be fixed

#and i think i'm done trying to do something about it #too much work zero result #so i guess i'll always gravitate around suicidal thoughts but that's okay i'm pretty sure i'll just #keep living my mediocre life until i die #iykwim #if i sound drunk it's because i am

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