2018
Don’t want to follow the stretchy mozzarella trail left behind by the bandwagon everyone is jumping on to brag about my achievements now that that year has come to an end, and certainly don’t know if this is the awakening of this blog from a very long nap, but this is definitely me trying to recap the long year that has just passed us on a platform where I know I can’t involuntarily lose what I want to document. This paragraph is a mouthful, I’m not digging it but I am too tired to reword it. First line is me saying I’m being cheesy and cliche. I know, pretty clever.
January: Approached the end of my longest stay away from home - 3 months in regional Western Australia with people I hardly knew, living in renovated containers on a weirdly prison like camping resort. This experience taught me a lot about myself, showed me my weaknesses, but most importantly made me aware, convinced, and an avid believer of the reality of adulthood and careers in general - no one really knows what the fuck is happening, and that’s okay. I came back home from this trip feeling a bit used, a little unamused, and very confused. Go on, give me an award already. This was also when I had my first camping experience, and first proper art class. Oh also, @certainsomeonereadingthis, my now boyfriend ended the previous year facetiming a concert I really wanted to be at to me, and sending me a big fat (literally) present, and started this year calling me at midnight to say I was beautiful and that he loved me. “As friend” of course.
February: The start of this month was spent in Perth. I was back at Melbourne after that, and brought along a sickness (I don’t know what else to call it, I’m still trying to find out) with me. In this time, I quit my job in Finance that I was doing for a year prior to that, and started a role in construction for the first time in my life. This was also when I went for my first stand up at the Fringe festival. And I got my second perm.
March: I blew all my wages from WA on my first ever beautiful car. I decided I was moving out of Melbourne to regional QLD in 2019 to start my career, and I started telling the people I loved about my decision in preparation for my farewell. Also my first experience at a Jazz club.
April: First time I realised my now boyfriend probably definitely likes me as more than a friend. Yeah I’m pretty slow. Went for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
May: My sister had a terrible car accident and it was probably the scariest thing to happen to my family in the past 2 years. It strengthened our new family unit because her then boyfriend (now husband) and his family supported us with so much sincerity during that dark time.
June: Had my first tiny accident with screaming scary bogan man and his wife ft a whole crowd from Spotlight around this “scene”. Start of my vegan & gluten free diet, during which I realised that I really enjoy cooking and am quite good at it. Previously, I’d done nothing but bring myself down for having no real talent and being a jack-of-all-trades at best, but realising this was more comfort and self assurance/belief for me than it may have been for someone else.
July: Sold my Miguel ticket and definitely have some regrets. “Fractured” my ankle. Or had gout. Or some weird term I don’t know because there was no real trigger and tests were inconclusive even though there was clearly something up. Officially started dating my best friend (27 July). I met him around about the same time 5 years ago. At this stage, we put a timeline on a relationship that we had both steered clear of because of fear of the lack of potential. We were “scheduled” to break up in December with no hard feelings and just gratitude for our limited time together, before I flew off and restarted my life in QLD.
August: My boyfriend has convinced me within a week of being together to stay back in Melbourne. Did I change my entire life decision just on the basis of what he said? Maybe, but I also landed a few local opportunities that appeared to be just as good for me, and encountered recurring bad dreams and the constant fear of leaving behind everything I loved to live in an empty barren land for more money that I don’t even care about and would probably spend just as poorly. Started transitioning back to animal products and gluten after over 8 weeks off.
September: Broke my 8 years off Maccas boycott and honestly still feel like I was barely missing out before, It went from being my favourite fast food restaurant previously to average at best.
October: Had my non-voyage party at the cutest bar overwhelmed with gratitude at the turn out of all the people dear to me. Wedding festivities began, with the hens night falling on my birthday that I had spent by the Docklands spoilt with flowers and chocolates, and a weekend getaway at Apollo Bay with some much needed last Shiraz only family trip.
November: My beautiful sister got married to the man of her dreams alhamdulillah. I don’t know what the genuine relationship between 2 sisters are, but she was the closest of my family to me and we had a love-hate relationship, where the hate was really just a facade over the love. Her marriage is such an inspiration to me, because all my life, I’d been surrounded by people who don’t value themselves as much as they value others, who don’t prioritise themselves, who align their values and morals with someone else’s rather than their own and/or straight up just don’t know what they want in life, eventually ending up with them settling. But not with my sister. Our morals and values and approach to life are quire different, but she was probably the first close example I saw of someone truly valuing herself and not setting her standards low, thus teaching me what mindset and attitude to have, not just when it comes to falling in love, but also when viewing yourself as a third person.
December: Including this with December because this deserves a paragraph of its own. Returned from a holiday from Japan with 2 people extremely dear to me, one of them being my boyfriend. This trip was an experience of itself, because it was nothing like the conventional holiday I’d been on. There were times when I questioned or feared for our relationship but each time, as cliche as it sounds, strengthened us and showed us sides to ourselves we had never expected or even anticipated before. It also showed us how similar our wavelengths were on even the smallest of things like the settings we would choose to customise a perfect holiday. I finally graduated uni after 5 years and am officially an engineer. Had KK with the dearest of people from this year. Visited SA with my family for the first time. Ended the year in (ironically) a Maccas parking lot.
But those were just events. 2018 was a difficult year where life kept giving and I kept receiving with little to no gratitude. Of course there was pain, confusion, sickness, struggle, tears, and all those emotions, but I had an extremely blessed year with little time to reflect on who I was. I don’t have set resolutions for this year, even though I have been pretty good at retaining them in the past. I just want to be more appreciative, to document this gratitude, to write more, to reflect on myself as an individual, to spend more time with my family and friends, and to not let circumstances cloud my judgement and make me lose sight of what I want and who I want to be. I want to make healthier choices physically, and manage my anxiety better. I want to feel more love that just on the surface, and to be less jaded. I’m anticipating a challenging year with good reason, but I don’t want to let that swallow me over and make me forget what’s most important to me.
