Christopher Blue @misterchristopherblue-blog - Tumblr Blog

That's when I text her and told her, "I made it."

I try to be understanding, and give you your space but sometimes it makes me a little angry, that you seem to think memories with randos are more important than memories with me.

I feel guilty,

because last night she was being silly,

and I told her to pay attention.

And I feel like she might think now, that I don’t appreciate that side of her;

or that I find her annoying;

when the truth is that I would love nothing more than for her to bug the shit out of me all the time (she doesn’t even bug me but, I think she’s cutest when she worries that she does- I think that exuberant side of her might be my favorite: when she is jubilant and I seem that much more quiet for standing beside her)

It's funny how perspectives shift. Sometimes I find I have tunnel vision; and the act of seeing her process, (of learning her mind) expands my view. It's funny but everything could be incorrect. Sometimes I long too, to be in the sand and let all the headache of what is or what isn't drip out of my hair to dry in the sun.

Sometimes, some of the things she says.. it sounds like she -expects- me to fail. Like her mind is already made up, like she thinks we -don't- work and she's just waiting for ... proof? Confirmation? like she's just waiting to let things fall apart, because she's already determined that they will and I don't know how to fight something like that.

Last night I upset her. I'm not sure what happened; I was kinda miffed that she wasn't watching my tv show-- and I guess she got upset that I couldn't just have fun. It was probably more than the TV show. Some of the things she says... I guess she wishes I was more playful. "I'm sorry there isn't more of me" Anyway I texted her this: "I just wanted you to know I love you more than anything in this world. More than the stars and cliché sayings and poetry, more than the best part of my favorite daydreams You're better than a daydream; you're better than my mind could hope to comprehend, more than anything I can imagine. You're a lucid dream whose every detail surprises me You scare me because you crush and build my hopes with the utterance of a word, and I can think of no way to better appreciate every moment of existence than to exist on the edge of bliss and oblivion; staring at the promise of both and wondering which- like heaven or hell, wondering which destination the sum of your parts will bring you to. You remind me of the kindest gesture I can ever remember; of the warmth that radiates out of a person sometimes which almost makes you jealous that you couldn't exist so beautifully- so effortlessly Don't yell at any old people."

I'm still learning. I learned from this and I get better each time

Dear little emo diary, Take your feelings and put them in a blender Serve chilled.

"She can't hold things against you from when you were kids, that was a long time ago. You can't be holding on to things, she can't be- y'all have a fresh start, and she's messing it up. Y'all are adults, she should know better, and she's the one messing it up this time."

If you want to hear what I have to say, don't look for me on Tumblr.

“You have a talent man, and I don’t ever wanna hear you say you don’t have nothing to write about, or- I mean you’re Chris Blue! What you should do is write a song about, why am I not good enough for you? Don’t you know who I am? Like internally, does she know who you are as a person? And she can’t even say yes- she only saw what she chose to see. You’re over here opening yourself up and pouring your heart out to her, and she only hears the parts that fit how she wants to see you. And you’re showing it all, I mean- when you walked up to that guy’s window and said "I’ve been fucking your girl for two months”- that’s anger, that’s pride. That’s you saying, ‘no, this is -my- girl and she’s coming home with me’. You poured your heart out to her in those two seconds and she didn’t even see it- if you didn’t care about her you just would’ve said “oh, okay. I’ll see you when you hit me up again, bye!” But then she found out you were a G, and now she’s all 'no, no no’- what did she say to you? You poured your heart out and what did she say? 'I don’t like the way you acted.’ That’s bull, man.“ "Me, I understand your situation exactly. I used to have a girl who would tell me this and that about her boyfriend, and come to me, but then she’d always be right back to him. And I remember being like, how can you not see what I’m giving to you? And yeah, at one point she used to- sometimes she would get mad and start yelling at me, and then when I’d tell back she be like 'I don’t like the way you talk to me.’ And she’d be telling her friends, 'yeah he yells at me’ and all this, and it was such bull. It’s like- I’m yelling because I’m trying to get through to you, you know? So I can totally see- I mean for you, you’re standing there saying "I care about you! I try to show you all the time! No that guy’s not coming to pick us up, are you crazy? Come to me! I have everything that you need! I have everything you need-” it’s like you’re trying to save her. You’re trying to save her.“

I'm glad you communicated to me the things you don't like about me. I honestly kinda exaggerate my aggressive qualities around you because I thought that's part of what attracted you to me so much, but I don't have to be that way. There are a lot of sides to a person, I don't act the way I do with you, with everyone; I'm honestly a gentle and caring dude, so.

"Love– you were enough, you were always going to be enough.”

She said she thinks love is stupid

I hope she stops hiding me! #driveuntilsunset

And baby, please don't leave, I'd rather die, or suffer an incurable disease; And baby, Just please don't leave, I wanna try, Let's wait until the sun comes up at least Before you turn your back walk out on me But my darling, wait! If you leave now I'll never sing again. Forget my face- Forget my voice.

You only have the one life to be in love.

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