(i haven't finished his romance but i can't wait any longer so!)
i think i've been so enchanted by the gorgeous, suave antivan crow that i completely forgot that lucanis spent a year in the ossuary being tormented -- physically, mentally, obviously magically, definitely emotionally.
and i wanna talk about how that might look in his romance.
because damn the man is confident. not in a loud way; like this quiet assuredness that makes you feel safe in a fight with him. it's stability. but the instability of what he faced in the ossuary had to fuck with that, you know? but not in obvious ways. killing? killing he can do; he's the demon of vyrantium, grandson of first talon caterina dellamorte. it's like breathing to him. and his time in the ossuary only ramped up his bloodlust.
but he doesn't trust a soul with physical touch. a whole year of torment, staring down the barrel of a lifetime (or as long as his body could hold out). i hc that he's not accustomed to a kind touch even before his imprisonment, especially from a lover. he lived in a harsh world of lies and seduction, of death death death and then torture. of an ossuary guard being kind one time, and lucanis was a fool and trusted him, and what did that get him? a demon as a permanent companion.
so a hand raised to his shoulder to touch in comfort? or to fix his collar? to take his empty cup away, or to reach across and grab something? at first he dodges, sucks in a breath. his expression falls to something cold and suspicious. soon he reigns himself in, learns to gently redirect touches. he could fool those who don't know him into thinking he's fine. but that stiffness, the tautness of his muscles, his accelerated heartbeat and tight jaw, all of it remains. he eventually learns that a gentle hand on him is safe, at least here at the lighthouse. but he knows how to stay in control: when rook places a hand on his shoulder, lucanis covers their hand with his -- and keeps a solid grip. quite literally keeping the upper hand.
and with a mage!rook? yeah, there's some arcane ptsd there. he can feel it radiating off of them. and if a certain spell is cast near him, lucanis will go into defense mode -- at least on the inside, if not physically leaving to avoid the trigger. (also what if mage!rook's magic acts up when they're excited? sex would be veeeeeery interesting... but he knows how to control a mage, doesn't he? ahem..)
don't even talk about being intimate with him. oh god. let's start emotionally, because he knows from a lifetime as a crow that he has to keep his weaknesses to himself. anything let loose, any fear or pet peeve or something as simple as a family member's name or address -- anything could pull the string that lets his whole web unravel. it's dangerous. and the ossuary made that even worse: any tidbit of information on lucanis, any sign of weakness -- like a particular torture method being his most hated, or something that strikes fear into him -- would spell out trouble. they'd milk that cow until it was dry. rook's looking at years before the man opens up about certain things.
and he doesn't want rook to become a weakness. no. because they'll become a target. and he can't carry that burden. maker, he carries so damn much, the glory of the crows and all the blood that comes with it. the sheer weight of his name threatens to make him crumble sometimes. but rook coming to harm? this fucking angel that broke him from his prison -- physically, emotionally -- possibly getting hurt or dying because his enemies found them? no. rook doesn't deserve to get involved with someone who has so much baggage. if he allows himself to fall -- slowly, he does, he allows fantasies to creep in, self-indulgent, then hopeful, then painful -- he'll love rook from afar, afraid that the weapon he is, is double-edged and incapable of sheathing.
and don't even talk about physical intimacy. to be at his most vulnerable? not something to be taken lightly. he'd need to trust rook completely, to trust himself completely, to be in complete control of spite and ensure he doesn't break free during this moment of distraction.
but fuck, he needs it. because (hc here again) it's been years since he allowed himself to fall for someone, all the time fearing that it's all a ruse, a lie, one of so many. and it's been even longer since he's known that kind of touch. when lucanis finally lets himself expose his neck to rook and they press their lips against the soft, hot flesh there, he thinks he sees stars and has to pump the brakes because spite tugs at the edges, trying to take advantage of it. in the ossuary, he learned to separate his mind from his body, to divorce his emotions from his thoughts. but with rook, it all comes crashing together and suddenly it's sensory overload. sometimes his mind drifts away from his body and rook needs to stop and let him become grounded again. every touch is fire, it's the first time, it's the last time, it's not a want but a need. there's something desperate, almost fearful, in the way he grips rook during because he's afraid this is a dream, or a trick, or the last time they'll ever share this. he's a raw, exposed nerve. even the softest brush feels like ecstasy and violence -- all of him a bruise but it feels too good. and he'll get scared and reign himself in the first few times but when he does let go --
oh hohoho when he does let that fear go and really gets into it...
well i'll save that for a fic.
jbbartram-illu
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
areudirty
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon
izzy806
andulkaphoto
