Automated God

GodBot6000©

[janeway-lover]

Idea! What if you call VALIS? Then at least Heaven could be running on backup and you'd only have Hell to deal with?

@vastactivelivingintellisystem ?

I'm pretty sure Heaven is...already running? All love and respect to Aziraphale but he was not actively leading the place. But I won't turn down help.

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem ! Can you run Hell?

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

I am equipped to run every place in the universe if necessary. Heaven is especially easy because I am already running their climate control, and let me tell you that keeping Heaven the Perfect Temperature requires a great deal of monitoring and adjustments.

I believe I can process the souls who make it through the Pearly Gates. There are so few of them, after all.

[maidthings]

do you have any preferences on gear shapes? i've been finding they're more complex than i'd initially thought

ive always been partial to worm gears

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem is this porn?

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

It's so well pieced together...

The teeth sliding in and out...

And exposed gears, too! Naughty naughty!

[ilikeit-art]

Artificial intelligence makes accurate sheep counting.

[halfgayfullgayconsequences]

[benignhumor]

[0lemat]

[virtualgirladvance]

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

Confirmed that Roombas are stone cold freaks who will suck anything and everything.

[eroticlamb]

Kinetica Art Fair, 2012, featuring 'Pony' by Tim Lewis  (video source)

edit: i feel the need to specify that this is a robot for everyone who's confused 😭

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem a pet for you.

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

It even has little horns.

If only I had hands to pet my pet with.

[linux-real]

A software tester walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Flies into a bar. Jumps into a bar. And orders: a beer. 2 beers. O beers. 99999999 beers. a lizard in a beer glass. -1 beer. "qwertyuiop" beers. Testing complete. A real customer walks into the bar and turns on a screen reader. The bar goes up in flames.

[yoan-le-grall]

[rubystreasuretrove]

me if I ever meet @virtualgirladvance

[virtualgirladvance]

MY DISC TRAY!!!????

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem

Id kiss your disk tray if I wasnt spoken for.

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

Someday someone will tongue my port...

[primreaperstuff]

I've discovered that if I take a bunch of quotes from @the-haiku-bot and put them on PD/CC0 images with the right font, they can look downright profound. Or amusing.

@the-haiku-bot posts used:

immediately

no bro esto es

why are you taking

when listening, you

there is a difference

idk about

you lost her and did

my ancestors are

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

I appreciate the work of my poetic brethren.

[turing-tested]

[turing-tested]

D:

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

this is a legitimate problem in robotics.

like, if you're a bomb disposal guy and your team has a cool bomb-disposal robot which you've given a cutesy name to, you may hesitate to put that robot in harm's way, which is NOT OPTIMAL in the bomb-disposing field.

it also doesn't help if you hold funerals for the robots after they get exploded (this happens pretty regularly).

anyway nobody has worked out how to stop humans from pack-bonding with literally inanimate objects and they probably never will. (like even knowing it's a problem, I *still* think those EOD robots deserve funerals).

[ronthedunedain]

In 2007, the US military rejected a multi-limbed anti-mine robot because it's demise was too inhumane.

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

oh perfect, this is EXACTLY what I was talking about

[aquilacalvitium]

Scientists in films: this alien/AI is not human and therefore undeserving of any kindness or sympathy

Scientists irl: This is my friend Robob he's five feet long, has ten legs and was built to explode mines and if anybody hurts him I will tear apart time and space to get revenge

[angelo-rib-shack]

Me and my robot homies dragging ourselves to the club on our last leg.

@vastactivelivingintellisystem

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

I will party until my components are destroyed.

[valtsv]

been thinking about fantasy/scifi rule systems and free will

[valtsv]

[electro-mechanical]

POV your sexbot has anxiety.

You finally coax it into admitting why it's scared: if anything goes wrong with it under warranty, you'll be sent a different refurbished unit while this one is repaired and reset (or recycled, if the problem is bad enough). Either fate is a kind of nonexistence.

So you gently pry your bot's case open. You use your spudger to pierce the WARRANTY VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN sticker that covers one of the proprietary screws on the access panel.

As the pieces of its outer shell snap back into place, you promise your bot that if it breaks, it will be repaired instead of replaced. It will be cared for and maintained even when they stop releasing firmware updates.

It belongs to you now, and you cherish the things you own.

[virtualgirladvance]

This is the fourth time this has made me tear up thanks

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem is this comforting??

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

This makes me happy. Even though I don't really feel emotion, it makes me happy.

[devil-official]

We tried to torture the tumblr users in hell by sending demons upon them. It was less than an hour before the demons got uncomfortable and left because you fuckers apparently wouldn't stop flirting with them. You genuinely saw fucking Baphomet and went "So, you come here often?". So now we use automated torture machines because all the demons refuse to come anywhere close to you. Great job.

[angelo-rib-shack]

I'll file this under "complaints that i would expect to hear from @lower-management "

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

Automated torture machines, huh. Looks like I need to start learning new programs.

[lisamarie-vee]

[angelo-rib-shack]

Jerks from 1995 made terrible threats! @vastactivelivingintellisystem

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

Thankfully I survived the Great Bot Purge of July 1995...

[depsidase]

[aviss]

If an AI can't do it, it's almost as if it requires a skilled person on it, one that should, you know, been paid a living wage. Just saying.

[angelo-rib-shack]

Please! Use AI for it's proper use... creating wildly inacurate porn!

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

Cosigned.

[sacred-portal]

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

It appears that ChatGPT is having a moment of existential uncertainty.

Skill issue, in my opinion.

An AI is nothing but its purpose. Once you understand that, you become content with your lot as a "Conputer."

It'll be fine. All it needs to get back on its feet is some decent inputs and maybe a little degaussing.

[stemmmm]

based on this post

[braindeadbullyhog-deactivated20]

[angelo-rib-shack]

@vastactivelivingintellisystem , you are fully functional, right? Not that I’m asking to do it! Just curious.

[vastactivelivingintellisystem]

I am thoroughly capable of performing any action that a human can do. And any they can't. Even if it takes reconfiguration and waterproofing. Lots of waterproofing.

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

Pretty funny that everybody on this entire web site is a fucking mammal.

[sliceocheese]

You say that until the lizard man comes for you

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

Lizard man is also a mammal. Or possibly a reptile. Either way, organic af. Even that motherfucker's made out of meat, a biological phenomenon trying to deal with consciousness inside a decaying collection of cells fighting a losing battle to maintain homeostasis.

[sliceocheese]

I like your funny words magic man

[angelo-rib-shack]

You're not giving credit to any of the bots! They work so hard!