i apologise for what you're about to read @mithranqueersmusings - Tumblr Blog

Desire I

Chapter: 1/?

Rating: T

Summary: Tav, Karlach, and Gale are enjoying another night drinking by the fire when the roguish vampire emerges from the woods after a late-night feed.

Pairings: Astarion/Tav

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

It's a breezy summer's night and everyone has started to settle down for sleep. Shadowheart lies on a thin bedroll looking up at the clear sky, seemingly transfixed by whatever she sees up there. Lae'zel is in a far corner battering the wooden training dummy she has pieced together to resemble a mind flayer. Wyll has dozed off in his tent, tossing and turning as a result of the newfound discomfort his horns have bestowed. That leaves you sitting in front of the campfire, enjoying a fairly stale bread roll and a flask of ale that is bordering on too warm, with Karlach and Gale. Karlach has expressed time and time again that the heat is surprisingly making her feel better, as though being warmed from the outside offsets how overwhelming her infernal engine can be, which explains why she is so keen to move as close to the flames as possible. Gale, on the other hand, explains that he enjoys sitting by the campfire because it allows him to read his tomes more clearly, not realising that everyone is fully aware of his capacity to conjure up light withminimal effort. Considering how little he actually appears to be reading, you suppose that he is merely enjoying the company. You and Karlach have gotten into quite the habit of drinking with one another after a long day of arduous travelling. Tonight is no different, with Karlach rooting around the camp to find forgotten bottles of this and that, eager to pose yet another drinking game. Ever since you met, there was no doubt that you would get along, and as the days passed, your bond only became stronger. At night, when you aren't abruptly awoken by an ambush of some kind, you feel truly grateful for the people you have met on your journey so far, and sometimes, it even feels possible that the world outside is not on the cusp of completely imploding. When the morning comes, it is a different matter entirely, but there is no need to trouble yourself with that when there are drinks to be had and jokes to be shared.

"Ooh, lookie here." Karlach suddenly lowers her voice into a whisper, gesturing with her flask to the cluster of trees up ahead.

You turn your gaze, realising instantly that the alcohol is starting to take effect because your eyes don't seem to catch up immediately with the motion of your head. In the darkness, a figure can be seen clearly trying their best to do the opposite. It wouldn't matter if you were bordering on comatose from a night of drinking, you would be able to recognise the pale hair and even paler skin of Astarion, who is slinking from the woods looking completely dishevelled. To start with, his boots and trousers are caked in mud, but only the front, suggesting that he was kneeling down on the ground. As your eyes travel upwards, it is immediately clear why he would be engaging in such behaviour, because his previously white shirt is splattered with blood; fresh blood, that is, which you have developed quite the knack for spotting. Watching him intoxicatingly wobble towards his tent, it is impossible to suppress the laughter when you recall a time when Astarion tried to keep his vampiric nature hidden. How he was ever capable of pulling the wool over your eyes is a mystery to you. What really sends you into a fit of laughter, however, is the sight of him missing the way to his tent entirely, curving off towards Wyll's abode where he appears to have finally fallen fully asleep. Astarion evidently believes he is pulling this off, because when he trips over Wyll's discarded boots, his eyes fly open and he falls to the ground with a yelp. Karlach and Gale join in your hysterics, breaking the very brief silence that had enveloped the camp for a moment or two. Karlach is bellowing so much that she feels the need to slap you hard on the back, which nearly sends you face-first into the fire. Gale has laid his tome on the floor, demonstrating that he is far more interested in whatever is going on around him than anything scrawled on paper. It takes a moment or two before Astarion fully realises what has happened. He picks himself up, obviously standing far too quickly because he wobbles again, but is able to keep his footing his time. You imagine that if he was capable of blushing that he would have started to turn as scarlet as the blood patterning his shirt. Instead, he scrunches his face up in a scowl, directing a scornful glare over to the three of you sittingbeside the fire.

"Come on, no need to strop!" Karlach yells far louder than necessary "Happens to the best of us."

"Is that so?" Astarion spits out, making his way over to your motley crew, clearly thinking very carefully about staying upright "Pray tell what made you think that we are comparable in any way."

Karlach sputters out another laugh "Fair play. I was trying to be nice, but sod that. Guess we aren't comparable after all, because I never would have eaten shit like that." She repeats Astarion's word back at him with a snooty tone.

You've never been one to kick someone when they're down, but you are far too drunk to maintain your morals, so you mirror Karlach's laughter, which only spurs Astarion further into rage.

"Yes?" Astarion blurts out "Something to add, do you?"

"Relax, Astarion." You stretch out the first word far longer than necessary, betraying how intoxicated you truly are "Sit down, have a drink."

Astarion's pout melts away into a smirk, his hand slinking up to his hip "I appreciate the offer, really I do, but as you can see, I've already partaken."

"That explains the stumbling." Gale interjects, his voice far quieter than everyone elses but still filled with the same self-confidence.

Before Astarion can even retort with a venomous remark, Karlach is pulling Astarion down to the ground, wrapping her hand around his slim wrist and practically throwing him into a spot around the fire. A small gasp escapes Astarion's lips as he hurtles onto the dirt, managing to stop himself from falling over again. In moments like these, witnessing the sheer strength of your tiefling companion contrasted with the suppleness of your vampire accomplice that you wish you were incapable of blushing. You watch a flicker in Astarion's eyes, which you interpret as an inner conflict of debating whether to huff off to his tent after that minor embarrassment or remain seated to give the impression that he wasn't fazed at all. Much to your delight, he settles for the latter.

"So, what exactly were you partaking in tonight, if you don't mind us asking?" Gale queries, taking a sip from his wine.

Astarion chuckles, sitting up straight and flicking his hair back slightly, it clearly doesn't take long for him to reassume his persona "Quite the hunt tonight, I must say. To cut a very long and impressive story short, it was a bear."

"Cub. A bear cub, surely?" Karlach masterfully completes Astarion's sentence with a grin "No offence, mate, but I can't picture you taking down a proper bear."

"Well, darling, it isn't my business whether your imagination is limited." Astarion bites back "The fact of the matter is that I indulged in a deliciousursine beast tonight."

"Quite the feat." Gale speaks a little louder this time, it's no secret to you that Astarion leaves him a little on edge "How did you manage that?"

"Without a sweat, I think you'll find." Astarion hums, clearly proud of himself "Would you care for me to demonstrate?"

As he asks this question, Astarion's eyes trace over everyone surrounding him, finally locking with your gaze. All of a sudden you realise that you've not said anything since Astarion emerged from the woods, and now that you're desperate to remedy this silence, you can't think of anything to say. It is as if time slows to a halt, and all that there ever was is this moment. Thankfully, Karlach drives an elbow into your side, breaking you completely out of this trance.

"Sounds like fighting talk to me, soldier." Karlach pretends to whisper "Do us a favour, will you?"

You laugh nervously, trying to keep your cool "You must be joking. How do I resemble a bear in any way? Karlach is right here!"

"Yes but she's a volcanic eruption waiting to happen, it would hardly be fair." Astarion speaks quickly as though these words were pre-prepared "There's no need to get me started on the damp wizard either."

"Hey!" Gale unenthusiastically defends himself, fully aware that his participation was never up for debate.

"Come onnnnn." Karlach urges "It would be so satisfying to see you put this beanpole in his place. We'll make a game of it, it'll be fun!"

You raise an eyebrow, encouraging her to speak further.

"I've got it, I've got it. Hear me out." She rambles, neglecting to acknowledge that nobody else was speaking "You two face off, and every time one of you lands a hit on the other, me or Gale will drink."

"Now I'm involved?" Gale asks "Can I at least drink whenever Tav wipes that smirk off Astarion's face? I'm not about to root for someone who uses my own name as an insult."

"Sure, sure, whatever. I'm drunk enough as it is." Karlach waves her hand dismissively "I'll be happy just to see this shit go down."

"This is the part where you tell me what I'm getting out of this." You state rather firmly, trying to ignore that Astarion has kept staring at you ever since he posed that tantalising question.

"Fine, fine." Karlach smiles "Whoever wins the brawl out of you two can make a demand of the other one. But, if we're being honest, that will just get you a free pass for him to wash your underclothes because I don't see this turning out in his favour."

Astarion laughs loudly at this, finally breaking his eyes away from yours "Please, I beg, keep up this charade. It's ever so entertaining for me to see how greatly you underestimate my power." He pauses, locking his gaze on you once more "Do we have a deal?"

"Don't let Wyll hear you. I think those words are still quite haunting for him." Gale sniggers, the redness on his cheeks betraying how quickly the wine is taking effect.

Before you give any sign of whether you are in agreement or not, Astarion is crawling towards you on his hands and knees, still caked in mud and blood, sliding past Karlach to offer his hand to solidify the pact. With him so close now, you do not doubt that you are betraying your true thoughts somewhat, because it is impossible to look at the dried streak of red falling from his lips without your throat drying up. His hair, which is usually so perfectly moulded, has fallen apart in cascades of curls that now complement the sharpness of his bone structure. Again, you feel the world around you disappearing into silence, sharing this short moment that could not have lasted longer than a few seconds. Fearing a further revelation of your private thoughts, you consider refusing, knowing that putting yourself at Astarion's mercy is something you are unlikely to recover from while maintaining any sense of dignity. All the same, there is a darker part of your heart that is eager to have him at your mercy, to show him that you aren't an easy target to pick on. These conflicting opinions undergo a mini brawl on their own in your mind, showing no sign of a clear winner. In a compulsive instant, you reach your hand out to clasp Astarion's, a smirk growing on your lips that almost mirrors his own.

"Deal." You manage to speak firmly even though your insides feel as though they're fluttering "How do you-"

Before there's even a chance for you to finish off your question, which would have something along the lines of how you were going to start this fight, Astarion pulls himself towards you in what feels like the blink of an eye, knocking you back onto the ground while he manages to rise on both feet. You pull yourself back up, welcomed by the sight of Astarion grinning excitedly as he takes a few steps back into a relatively open space next to the campfire.

"I believe that warrants a sip of wine from our maladroit mage." Astarion practically purrs "That is, if I'm understanding the rules of this little game correctly."

Gale glares disapprovingly, but takes a gulp of his drink all the same. Karlach is still recovering from her fit of laughter, reaching with her arm to whack you playfully.

"Come on, come on!" She encourages "You can't let the cheeky git get away with that."

Despite the amount you've drank by this point, it doesn't take more than a moment for you to shift your mind into combat mode. Obviously, no weapons will be permitted, or that would just be asking for a bloodbath. Fortunately, hand-to-hand brawls have been your speciality for as long as you can remember, and it has been quite some time since you were faced with a challenger who actually posed some sort of threat. Whatever strange feelings you seem to be developing for Astarion aside, now is the time to prove your mettle. And so, you rise up, getting a few clicks out of your joints as you walk over to face Astarion with a few paces between you.

"Very intimidating." Astarion mocks, lowering himself slightly to the ground as though he were about to pounce.

There it is again, that momentary freeze. Except, this time, instead of feeling vulnerable under Astarion's fixed gaze, you are empowered by it. You've become so accustomed to this feeling: watching every tiny movement made by your opponent in an effort to predict their next strategy. In a flash, Astarion is moving again, trying to trick you into surging towards a particular direction so that he can swerve around you. He's fast, that much is obvious. Even still, you know exactly how to counteract it. As Astarion tries to slink around behind you to land a blow into your side, you turn your body around in an instant, pushing out your hand so that you catch his forearm. He is instantly stopped in his tracks, giving you the perfect opportunity to force your other fist into his stomach. Perhaps you hit a little too hard, but you felt the need to get at least a little bit of payback for his dirty tactics earlier. Astarion lets out a guttural grunt, his eyes flicking downwards to your hand as though he can't understand what just unfolded. The pained expression onhis face that lasts for a mere moment is worth it, there's no doubt about that. Gale feels equally celebratory, letting out a loud whoop as Karlach cheerily takes another sip of her drink.

"Too right!" Gale yells out "Show that fanged feind who's boss!"

Astarion tries to shake his arm away, clearly expecting that you will have loosened your grip by now. For a second, you keep him in your grasp, undoubtedly revealing that you are enjoying this experience far more than was expected. When you finally let him go, he doesn't wait for you to move past revelling in your momentary victory. Instead, he ducks down, kicking your knee so hard that you struggle to remain standing, falling forward slightly into a stumble. Karlach shouts out, likely encouraging Gale to have another gulp, but you don't hear anything she says because your mind is far too distracted by the small blade that Astarion has whipped out from who knows where. Instead of letting you fall to the ground as your knee gives way, Astarion catches your weight with one arm and uses the other to curl a knife around your neck. Ever so slightly, you can feel the coldness of the steel against your warm flesh. It is not merely pressed against the skin, it is bordering on puncturing.

"Bullshit!" Karlach booms, her festive tone clearly being overwhelmed by genuine panic "No fucking weapons!"

Astarion chuckles, a rich sound that seems to have reverberated through your own body because of how close you are. The blade is still there, requiring only a flick of his wrist to leave you bleeding on the ground. Your eyes are locked together once again, and there is such a small space between your faces that you can feel his breath against your cheek. This is the closest you've ever come to his fangs before; they look even sharper than the blade in his hand. Up close, you half expected that there would be a flaw or two to be seen, especially considering his appearance always seems so perfect when you're travelling together. And yet, you cannot see even the slightest blemish. You start to hear Gale murmuring something, perhaps a spell to pull you two apart with minimal damage, and it is only at this point that the panic sets in. There's no time to wonder why you feel more anxious about a knife being pulled away from your neck than it being pressed against your skin, you need to act. As carefully as you can, you close the distance between your bodies ever so slightly, causing the metal to minimally pierce your flesh. The feeling of blood prickling out is nothing peculiar to you, but you still need to be cautious about taking this too far. As the red starts to colour a thin line, Astarion's eyes become dark, his tongue even poking slightly out of his mouth to lick the corner of his upper lip. This is exactly what you were after. In his moment of indulgence, you act, gripping his wrist tight with one hand and pushing him backwards with the other. While he stumbles, you maintain your grip, spinning around his side so that the arm is now pinned against his back. All that is left to do is kick hard at the back of his knee, forcing him to the ground with the knife still held by his twisted arm. Allowing yourself to fall down with him, you place your knee relatively gently in between his hips; your other arm is free enough to perform a stereotypically masculine flex, signalling to Karlach to take another drink. Astarion wriggles beneath you, trying desperately to free himself from your grip, but there is nowhere for him to go. His face twists slightly so that he can meet your gaze, revealing that his white cheek has been muddied with dirt from the ground. There is a mixture of frustration and pleading in his eyes, as though you would give in not out of pity but out of fear.

"Very intimidating." You repeat, a wide grin spreading across your lips.

Gale and Karlach are both cheering from the fire "We have a winner!"

"Must I beg for you to let me up?" Astarion asks, the all-too-familiar smug tone honeying his words "Or should I get used to a new life on the ground?"

"Play your cards right, we'll see." You wink, letting go of your grip and rising effortlessly to your feet.

"Oh, I see." Astarion smirks, rolling over onto his side before getting fully up "Should I hazard a guess at what you're going to demand of me with your victory?"

His voice has slipped into a tone you've never heard from him before, as though he is speaking from the back of his throat. The words come out nearly rough, almost hard to hear. All the confidence you gained from this fight seems to wash away, leaving you again with a knot in your stomach that only tightens when you look at him.

You force a hardly convincing chuckle "You wish, Astarion. Get ready to serve as my pack horse for the next week."

Astarion matches your laugh with his own, finally rising to his feet and taking a step closer so that he can drop his words into a whisper "I don't wish, my dear, I desire. And what I desire, I get."

Without a chance to even think of something clever to say, he is sauntering back to the fire, his hips swaying in his now fairly filthy trousers. Gale and Karlach are laughing with one another as Astarion approaches, evidently recreating some of the moments from your brawl with sweeping gestures.

"Hard luck, mate." Karlach tuts, offering a fresh cup of wine with an outreached hand "Maybe next time."

"Please." Astarion smiles, taking the wine and spreading himself out beside the fire "I hardly thought it would be good for morale if our little leader was so easily defeated."

"Your ability to twist reality is certainly impressive, I'll give you that." Gale offers up his own flask in a minimal cheers gesture.

Catching just the end of this, you reassume your space next to Karlach, picking up your own ale and finishing what is left. Karlach is ready to fill in your cup before the last drop has even touched your lips. She knocks her drink against yours, raising her eyebrows.

"Well fought, soldier." Karlach beams "Not that we doubted you for a second."

Astarion is fussing with the stains on his clothes, trying to appear far less bothered than he clearly is "I must admit, I've never known any bear to fight quite so brutishly."

"And I've never known a vampire to fight so dirty." You quip back, hiding your smirk behind your drink.

Another chortling laugh breaks from Astarion's lips "If you thought that was dirty, you don't know the first thing about me, darling."

There is a dark look in his eyes again, making you feel as though he is able to see right through you, far past the bravado you show on the surface and deep into what you're really thinking. If that is possible, it does not seem that he is repulsed in any way by the sordid thoughts taking up residency in your brain. Yet again, one of the only things you can be certain about Astarion is that he is not a trustworthy character. Maybe he is merely trying to get into your head, where he'd find space among the tadpole you don't know, so that he can get something of you. You know that you could spend all night trying to figure him out, and would probably be even further away by the end than when you started. All the same, something you know for sure is that when you sparred with him, you felt more ecstatic than you have in a long time. Looking into the beautiful face of death, you were truly alive.

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i apologise for what you're about to read