Ok, read this with an open mind and a tea!
My first reaction to this, is that you are every “Salt Daddy’s dream”.
I know that you are new to this and I’m really glad that you are seeking some guidance here in the tag, though I may not be the best to answer this. We were all new once, and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I have made in the past or that others have made. If my writing appears to be random, I’m sorry but its just that I have so much that I want to say, while trying to remain logical, fair, nonjudgmental…and calm.
Sex with a Pot is always a heated topic, so keep in mind that this is my view on it.
Number 1: Stop being intimate!
Clearly, he knows that you are expecting an allowance of some sort or some form of financial reward for spending time with him. For whatever reason or excuse that he has given to you, he has chosen not to give you any money so far. What his excuse is, I can only imagine…So why are you giving up the “goods” to him already? Don’t.
Feel free to spend all the time in the world that you want to with him, whether its platonically or sexually, but don’t for a second forget that it’s just that…Your Free Time.
In my opinion, in Sugaring and Escorting, there is simply no intimacy without money/reward/gifts. If he wants to kiss, cuddle, and have sex with you, then you need to determine what you want in exchange for that. He then needs to give you what you want, in exchange for what he wants. Fair right?
I’m not going to judge you based on what you want in exchange for sex and in an arrangement with him, as we all have different expectations and requirements. I don’t really care if you’ll have sex for an ice cream cone, getting your rent paid, a new purse or for a Land Rover. But what I do care about, is that you don’t feel used and taken advantage of. I care, and you should care, that you feel respected in your arrangement. Right now, by you sending me this message…I know that you don’t feel respected and that you’re being taken advantage of, either because of your desire to please him or your naivety with being new to arrangements.
So for now, please wait on being intimate with him, until you have more information to base your decision on. If you just want to get laid, and don’t care about being paid, or receiving any finances/gifts from him for it…then by all means have sex with him all you want! But understand that it’s out of the goodness of your heart, because you’re horny or because you just find him so damn cute! Not because he is going to pay you.
Number 2: He is a Pot, not your SD.
Yes, in my opinion, there are different rules, expectations and things that you share together with a Pot, than with an SD. An SD has earned things that a Pot hasn’t. Hence, we call them “Potentials”.
Number 3: He wants to see you 4 times a week.
I understand that we are all different, are all living in different situations and each have different needs etc. I get that, I really do. But to me, this is absolutely crazy to see him (anyone) that often and for only $1,000 a month. That is almost a full time job!
Do you know how much of your time he wants?
I’m going to assume that you have already determined how long each date will be?
Is it 2 hours on each of your 4 dates per week, or is it 5 hours on each date, 4 times a week?
* It’s not just the amount of times he wants to see you a week that you need to think about. Its also important to know how long each date will/could be. For example; you could be spending as much as 20 hours, 30 hours or 40 hours per week with him….Are you prepared for and ok with that?
You definitely need to know and agree to not only how often he wants to see you each week, but for how long each time as well. Being with him, at the minimum, could be a part-to-full time job. You would be spending 4 out of 7 days together…? I personally, with my OCD and personal life, couldn’t handle this.
Don’t get me wrong, for the right amount of money, I’d give up some more of my spare time. But I don’t have mountains of spare time, so in order for me to do that…he’d have to make it worth my while, and upfront as well. Is he making it worth your while to give up your spare time?
The more you hang out with him, the more of your time it takes away from working at job that actually pays you, the more you miss out on socializing with your friends or family, the more time you lose for studying for school, or even to have some personal time for yourself. Think about that.
I want you to remember the basics here, that the $1,000 that he has offered to you…is still only an “offer”. He has not given you anything yet. No money, no gifts, nothing but his time and so far, his empty promises.
If he has excuses as to why he can’t keep his part of the deal, then I’m sure you can come up with some excuses as to why you can’t either (especially the intimacy part)?
To keep this easy (for me since I was in the “dummy” math class in high school…true story) lets just say he wants to see you for only one hour a week, 4 times a week, ok?
* 4 times a week x 4 weeks in a month. = It equals out to 16 dates a month.
(Not including the odd month when we have 5 weeks, which could then potentially be 20 dates a month!)
* 16 dates a month in exchange for $1,000 a month in a “possible” allowance situation.
* $1,000 / 16 dates = $62.50 a date.
* * If you only hung out with him for ONE hour on each date, your earnings would technically amount to $62.50 each date.
This $62.50 does not include:
* The time that you spend getting ready for the date.
* The time that you spend travelling to the date.
* The time that you spend travelling home from the date.
* The time that you spend talking to him on the phone, texting, emailing etc.
* The money that you spend buying outfits to wear on your date.
* The money that you use for gas, parking or even snacks to eat when travelling or waiting for him to arrive.
* The money that you spend to purchase make-up to look nice for him.
* Time spent with him, is time not spent with another Pot or SD, or time spent finding one. At $62.50, it’s a gamble.
* The money that you spend to get your hair and nails done or your bikini line waxed.
* It does not include fees to have your oil changed, car services or general-wear-and-tear on your vehicle from your increase in using it to meet up with him.
* It does not cover your monthly membership to your gym, to feel good and to look good while out on your dates.
* It does not include your health insurance for Doctor check ups (sexual health tests, medications to deal with Pots), therapy appointments etc.
* It does not factor in the amount of time that you need to create and to implement cover stories for your friends and families, when they ask “where are you going?” Etc.
* * It does not reimburse you for taking time off from another PAYING job, in order to spend time with him.
Number 5: The “trail period”.
I’m going to assume that he called this the “trial period” because he either told you that he wants to “see how things go first, before giving you any money” or that he is using you until you catch on to him and his game.
But you as an SB, know that unless he gives you your allowance in full, and any provisions that he has stated that he will bring/give to you in your arrangement, that this is HIS “trial period” as well. This is why we refer to possible SD’s as Pots. They are Potentials that WE are considering. It’s the name we use for men or women during the the time that we need to decide if we want to pursue them as full SD’s, or if they are actually capable of being one. Not every Pot is a capable or willing SD. He is your Pot, and this is his “trial period” just as it is yours for him.
~ Just because he is your Pot, does not mean that he will be your SD.
~ Just because he is your Pot, it does not mean that he is worthy or deserving of being your SD.
~ Just because he is your Pot, it does not mean that he has the ability or the financial resources to even be an SD.
~ Just because he is your Pot, does not mean that he has any more power, decision making capabilities or influence in the arrangement, than you do.
Don’t let him fool you by thinking that he has all the cards here. He may have the money, but you have the personality, body, appeal, wisdom, charm etc. You have 26 and he has 26, and you can only make a full deck together.
There’s something about the way you wrote “trail period”, that has me thinking that he is “test driving you” and it makes my skin crawl. I get a creepy vibe from that, and it may be ill placed, but its there, lingering as I write this.
He’s not driving the car here. I don’t care if your flat-ass-broke, and need every bloody penny he is promising you. Don’t you dare for a second let this man (or anyone) fool you into doing anything that he wants, just because he “promises” to give you money (down the road?). Don’t you dare compromise your comfort, safety, morals, and sweet dreams at night, just to please him while you feel used. He isn’t worth your peace of mind, trust me, no one is. So, it’s best to be 100% sure of what you are doing, and why you are doing it.
You need to understand that this is also your time to give him a “trial run” and test drive him. Not figuratively speaking, as in a sexual way, but its your time to see if his actions match his words. It his “shit or get off the pot” time. Use this time now, while he is your Pot, to determine if you even want to be intimate with him when he becomes your actual SD! (There’s no trying before buying!)
Right now, do you want him to continue on as your Pot if:
* He makes all kinds of promises, but never delivers?
* He promises to pay you, but then something always comes up and he can’t, or he can only give you bits and pieces of it here and there?
* Your dates always end up being intimate, when you’d rather (or thought that you’d) be going out for dinner, shopping or to a movie?
* Your “trail period” is going to last for a whole year before you see any financial benefits?
~ By the way, just how long is his “trail period”?
I personally think that he is taking advantage of you, and you are still too new to understand this. I also think, that since he hasn’t paid you any money or gifts yet, that he is looking for a girlfriend and not a Sugar Baby. There’s also this slight inkling that I have that you probably will not see any money or gifts from him at all. I hope I’m wrong .
Have you ever heard the saying “why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?” I bet he’s heard it.
I would stop being intimate with him immediately, set up some rules and boundaries between you and him, and if I were you, I would also start to play a little hard ball with him. If he wants you, then he needs to put his money where his mouth is. Honestly, at this point, you’ve been more than fair with him, and it’s his time to step it up or step it out.
If I were you I would immediately:
1) Stop any form of sexual intimacy. You are not required to do this. Not every SD and SB have sex in their arrangements. If you want to have sex with him, that’s fine, as long as your happy with doing it for free, or if your happy wondering if you’ll ever get paid from him. If you’re not happy, then stop immediately.
2) Determine how often you want to see him, based on what works for your schedule. If you are giving up things that are important to you in your life to spend time with him, at this point, are his actions worth it?
3) Understand that HE does not set the rules for your arrangement. You set them TOGETHER. If you are not happy with something, then say so and stay strong.
4) Keep searching for other Pots. This is something that never truly ends. They come and go as fast as the clouds do, and we can drop them just as fast as they can drop us!
5) Do not think of him as a genuine or real SD until he has given you your allowance in full, and delivers upon his promises to you.
6) Do not become so obsessed with getting any (your) money from him, that you fail to see that you probably won’t. In life, some things just ain’t gonna happen, no matter how patient we are or how hard we believe that they will. If its not in your hand, it’s not yours. Have you ever watched “Secret Diary of A Call Girl”? Money first, and then a shower…
7) Get your birth control on point. Both yours and his mandatory use of condoms.
8) Get a back bone, and don’t be afraid to stand up for how you feel and what you believe to be fair or right. If he says things like he’ll walk away or have to say good bye to you, for whatever reason…say “Adios baby, you know where you can find me if you change your mind ;)” And let him go.
9) Read this a second time as its a bloody lot (sorry!), ask other SB’s what they would do, take all of it into consideration with an open mind, and then sit back and trust your intuition before deciding to do anything. Only you have to live with the choices you make. Make the ones that you feel good about and that are good for you.
10) Stop any form of sexual intimacy. Yes, I’m aware that I’ve repeated this…I hope you are too!
As you mentioned, you should definitely mention all of this to him, or the pieces that you feel apply to you.
I’ve always preferred to initiate touchy subjects like this through texting or emailing, simply because its safer. It gives you some space, a chance for the other person to digest what is being said before they have a chance to freak out on you. Of course, they can still act crazy and freak out through a message, but at least its not on you physically.
I really wish you good luck in this situation, and I hope it works out. If it does, then that is awesome! And if it doesn’t, please don’t give up!
Slow and steady wins the race ;)
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