I've just discovered your blog! So helpful! I've doing some sex/escort work here & there. I'm also form a relatively small town. W/ that being said I would love some advice. I have a terrible relationship with food. I have a digestive disorder that had drowned me in an off and on eating disorder. I've made great strides in recovery but eating w/ a POT or SD is something I just can't do right now.. In the future hopefully but not now. Any tips on other ways I could suggest meetings/ arrangements?
Eating disorders are outside of my realm, and I don’t want to seem insensitive in any way, but I’m definitely sorry to hear that you struggled with an eating disorder, but I’m also happy to hear that you are determined and are finding ways to deal with it.
In Sugaring, there are a lot of instances where SB’s are going out for dinners and eating fancy foods with their Pots or SD’s, but don’t let that scare you off. It’s not all we do.
I actually HATE going for dinner with an SD or Pot, simply because I’d rather not be eating out all the time, and I’d rather use my time with them doing something active, or otherwise fun. Sitting across from them at a table where the lighting is low and we have a hundred eyes on us, isn’t my idea of fun. Thankfully, they think like this too. So my SD’s and I get creative. To some SB’s, our dates may sound boring, and to others they may sound fun. But it doesn’t matter, because we’ve found what works best for us and what we enjoy doing together. You’ll find what works for you too, so don’t let pictures of plates and forks cause you any stress!
Everything that I’m about to suggest, is of course assuming that you are comfortable with him, have created a bond where there is trust, safety and security etc. I don’t want you to take some of these ideas and just run with them. Your number one priority is your safety.
So if you don’t feel ready or are not interested in meeting for a typical “dinner date” you could always tell him things like:
* You just ate or have dinner plans with family later.
* You are gluten free and it makes it difficult to go out for supper or have some type of allergy you need to be careful about etc.
* You could always just go for drinks with them?
* Order an appetizer as your meal and practice your conversation skills and hope that he doesn’t notice that you’re not eating.
* Explain to him that you are nervous and not comfortable eating in front of him “yet”.
* Tell him the truth about dealing with an eating disorder and ask him if he’d like to do something else instead.
Things that I’ve done with my SD and Pots, instead of going out for supper include things like:
* Going for coffee/tea to a neat little cafe that ISN’T a Starbucks. Think outside the box, for privacy and uniqueness.
* Going to a local book store that sells coffee and has those little tables so you can sit and browse through books that you’ve both found interesting. It’s a great way to see their tastes/disliked etc.
* Go to a baseball game or hockey game, whether you know the teams playing, if they are kids games or NHL games, it doesn’t matter. I live in live in a small town, and we often go to the local arena to see what’s playing. It gives us things to talk about as there’s always “oohs and awws” from the crowd, plus if we are seen, it’d be nothing to explain away that we just “ran into each other and this is so-and-so’s dad” etc.
* Suggest meeting him at a community facility that has a library attached. You could read the paper together, chit chat, and just be chill.
* Glow in the dark bowling is great for dim lights and laughing at how you both suck, and it’s been years and years since he’s gone bowling etc etc. Plus, bowling lanes are typically open during the day and not nearly as busy as they would be on a Friday or Saturday night.
* Tour a classic car show. My SD restores and collects cars. So more often than not, he knows what show is happening where and in the summer I usually meet him there or tag along. Fortunately for me, that just because his wife has grown tired of this hobby of his, it doesn’t mean that he has. Basically; her disinterest + my interest = more admiration for me.
* Suggest going for a walk, only if you are familiar, comfortable and feel safe etc etc with him. This is definitely not a first date idea. I have a few little rivers that run through my area, and thankfully the city has created all kinds of walking paths and hiking trails to enjoy.
* Go rollerblading (provided he physically still can lol), or go for a bike ride. You get the idea.
* Hit some balls at a local driving range. If he’s a golfer, he’ll LOVE you for this.
* Check out any museums or art galleries. Depending on where you live, they are usually good for changing their exhibits about once a month. So this could become “your thing” to do together.
* Do a Google search for any “events” near your city, and drop in on them.
* Suggest volunteering together. I made a post a while ago about how we went and volunteered at a soup kitchen for one of our dates.
* We LOVE going to concerts. Even if we don’t know who’s actually singing! Check out free concerts in the park, especially now that summer is near.
* Check out what movies are playing and what the times for matinees are, if you want to go at a less busy time.
* Go berry or apple picking. Great way to spend an afternoon and you could always give the ones you collected to him to take home.
* Sit and watch Netflix on a blanket in the park. (we’ve actually gone into the middle of a hayfield and laid on a blanket and just stared at the stars before and talked, talked and talked his ear off).
* Go to the gym, play a game of tennis or anything physical.
* Have a coffee and help him proof read any reports or articles that he is currently working on for work.
* Go for a couples massage….or give him one?
* Ask him to show you how to fly a kite. It sounds corny, but chances are he hasn’t done it in a long time. It can be fun, the teasing, the competing etc.
* Head to a local beach and “hang out”. If you’re not comfortable in a bathing suit in front of him, there are some seriously cute cover ups that look like maxi dresses but are a bit sheer…love them!
* Check out the closest zoo, or hobby farm and bring quarters to feed the animals.
* Go fishing, whether it’s in a stocked commercial pond or in a little lake. The idea is to just be together.
* Try a game of frisbee golf. I happen to suck at this though. But when he laughs, I win.
* If he has a dog, if you do, or if you can “borrow” your best friends, you could go to a leash-free park and mingle together as the dogs mingle.
* See what options there are for dance lessons, whether it’s line dancing, the fox trot etc, it could be an ongoing date kinda thing. Who knows, maybe you can teach an old dog a few new tricks after all!
* Try a “wine-tasting” date.
* Have a board game date night where you each bring a game or go buy one together, and then just roll with it. The loser strips, depending lol.
* You could go for an ice cream and a country drive, to wherever the car takes you or follow any interesting road signs to a new town.
* If you’re in school, ask him to be your study partner for the night. Just He’ll feel needed and it could be your chance to impress him or to ask him for “mentoring”.
* Go see a live band in the local pub. Have a beer, or even a water and just “be in the moment”.
* If he’s a hunter/sportsman, you could ask him to take you to a shooting range.
* I’d like to suggest a “hot air balloon ride” date, but the reality is that it’s almost impossible to plan in advance and to have actually work out, as the wind is too fast or too slow, or it rains, or it’s too freakin early in the morning etc. If you can make this work for you, please let me know how as I’ve tried 2x!
* Paint your own pottery date. I love this. You go to a studio that has the pieces already made, you chose whether you want a tea cup, plate, bowl etc etc, paint it and then come back in a few days to pick it up after they’ve put it in the kiln etc. Most of my soup bowls are from these kinds of dates ,)
* Go to the farmers market and pick up some pretty flowers. Encourage him to bring some home as well.
* If you’re anything like me, you’d love to go sledding, riding out on the dirt bikes or quadding!!
But the most important suggestion is to:
Find out what HIS hobby is, and no matter how much you think it’s ridiculous, childish or silly, just engage in it with him, for him. BUT only participate in it if its safe, you’re not pressured or crossing any boundaries etc etc. He’ll appreciate, it trust me.
So there’s a list of ideas, hopefully they’ll get you started, but it just goes to show that you don’t need to only go on “eating” dates AND I didn’t mention “go to the mall shopping” lol