it was funny how things could fall into place so easily; how things could pick up from where they left off, without any thought of the circumstances prior.
(like how he’d shared an uncharacteristically emotional reunion with his sister; and then he was sitting at the kitchen island moments later, stuffing his puffy face with breakfast as she slipped back out into obscurity. don’t mention it to anyone just yet, she’d made him promise, but it seemed like the idea was already obliterated as he burned his tongue on seaweed soup).
and things went back to normal, like always.
maybe he should’ve taken it as a sign, when he walked into the apartment and was greeted with absolute silence— like the calm before the storm, it lulled him into a false sense of security as he kicked off his shoes comfortably and left a trail of his belongings on his way to the rec room.
maybe he should’ve been more cautious when he found a full, unopened bag of shrimp crackers and pepero sticks— a rarity in the kwak household— and it seemed like the stars were all aligned for him when he opened the fridge and his favourite banana milk was stocked on the top shelf.
(ahjumma must’ve gone shopping, was what he had thought, when he should’ve realized: ahjumma had bought him his last meal).
the alignment of the stars were clear now as kwak junsu took a fistful of shrimp crackers as he paused his video game, and the doorknob twisted open to reveal the grim reaper.
junsu could easily recognize the stages of kwak jina’s wrath, but the look she gave him from the threshold as he stared back at her with doe-eyes wide open and mouth agape, was positively lethal.
it felt like an eternity as he wracked his brain for the things he could’ve done wrong, a single cracker from the bunch in his fist falling down into his lap.
(after quickly assessing and reassessing his memory, kwak junsu found that he didn’t know what it was his sister was staring at him like she would kill him for, but after sixteen years of being the youngest, he quickly moved on to his second option: run).
“noona, hold up—”
the shrimp crackers all fell to the floor as kwak junsu tossed the game controller to the side, jumping up onto the couch and stumbling as he tripped over his own lanky legs. he tripped over the edge and quickly shot back up as he hid behind the couch: his only line of defense from kwak jina’s blazing stare.
𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐁𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃, jina has two different type of aggressions. it wasn’t out of norm for one of them to be tickled on the daily. that one didn’t involve the throbbing of a vein against the very shell of her forehead, it didn’t include the rush of adrenaline into her bloodstream nor did it reap of deadly intentions.
no, that one was harmless in comparison to the aggression she felt swelling against her conscience. the one telling her that poor, innocent junsu looked scared to death. that perhaps, he didn’t deserve jina whatever jina had in store for settling whatever had set her off today.
of course her conscience was an idiot.
and jina full-heartedly believed whatever intentions she had in mind were rightfully just. especially when she was mad.
but no, jina wasn’t just mad -- she was pissed.
she, of course, was fair in her approach. far more than she thinks she should have been. maybe she was feeling merciful, or maybe she just enjoyed the way her little brother seemed a second close to shitting himself. she didn’t enjoy scaring him, but the fear in his eyes did give her a different type of high.
for now, she feels every type of emotion welling up within her. remnants of her conversation ( if you could call a screaming match in the middle of the courtyard a ‘conversation’ ) with jihye still fresh on the skin. the tears she had cried a dried up path to where blurred eyeliner and smudged mascara lay. the obviousness of her distress a second contender for the anger that blazed in her eyes was much more prevalent, obvious in the way she stalked into the rec room; fingers pushing the door open further to make her way inside.
“why are you backing up, junnie?” she blinks, voice a notch softer than it should be; coupled by the innocence dripping from her tone and the nickname she hardly uses, jina tilts her head. the venom in her expression says enough to warrant the activation of the fight or flight instinct, this she is sure -- watching his expression react in comparison has jina taking another step closer. “did you do something wrong?”
she takes one more step, fingers reaching out to grab the discarded controller, tinkering with the buttons, a single glance made to the device before her glare returns to him.
“don’t you have something to tell me?” timbre is soft, a false sense of security lulled into her voice as she takes another step closer; grasp tightening against the controller with each step before stopping just short of the couch he hid behind.
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 06:10 › do you think you’ll need plastic surgery for last night?⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 06:13 › you know if your face wasn’t so close to my hand, it wouldn’t have hurt.⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 06:15 › i’m not apologizing, i’m just acknowledging i was wrong.
● a angry text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 16:43 › i’m not mad⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 16:45 › you’re just getting on my last nerve with all this pro-kwak ji dam bullshit
● a drunk text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 23:59 › 언니 …….⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 00:01 › arne’t yon scared of turniNg into kwak ji dam?
● a vague text
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 23:59 › you make me sick
● a worried text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:00 › hey?⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:10 › no one has heard from you⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:11 › please, at least call jungmi 언니 or junsu !⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:13 › i don’t know what you’re so sad about we all know kwak ji dam is like this⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:14 › i get you love her but she’s an asshole⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:16 › where are you?⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 20:17 › we’re all worried, 언니
● a text not meant for you ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:03 › you should have heard the sound it made when i slapped her face! it literally stopped the whole party⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:04 › why would i regret it? it was absolutely AMAZING⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:06 › you should have seen the look on her face⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:07 › it was priceless⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:10 › …
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 21:22 › … i’m still not apologizing.
● a sassy text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 17:48 › wow, thanks kwak ji dam 2.0, you say that as if i didn’t already know that!
● a long-winded confession text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › you know when i was little i used to think that you were purposely trying to steal all of kwak ji dam’s attention and it wasn’t fair at all⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › i hated you a lot for it⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › i still think that but i don’t hate you⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › well, not as much, anyways⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › you’re still annoying af trying to be like her, you know that right?⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › i love you but if you keep acting like this ….
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 05:57 › are you really going to side with her for the rest of your life?
● a misguided advice text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 곽지담 🍑키스 🚫. › 10:48 › why don’t you just crawl inside her ass? you’re already halfway in there!
u know that scene in jennifer's body where megan fox puts foundation all over her face in a desperate attempt to look like even a semblance of her old self whose picture she has hanging next to her mirror so she's reminded of the appearance she's lost and she gets a little unhinged during the process and just starts smearing it everywhere? womanhood
⎣ 곽𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀 ⎤ ━━━━ yes & no xylo / queen loren gray / bad things meiko / you should see my in a crown billie eilish / kill of the night gin wigmore / primadonna marina & the diamonds / control halsey / bad guy billie eilish / all the king’s horses karmina / breathe fluerie / deep end ruelle / hurts like hell fluerie / someone to stay vancouver sleep clinic / sorry halsey / the truth untold bts / i can’t make you love me dave thomas jr / house of cards bts / all good girls go to hell billie ellish ━━ ・ 𝑆𝑂, 𝖳𝖱𝖤𝖠𝖳 𝖬𝖤 𝖫𝖨𝖪𝖤 𝖠 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 .
jiyi is ten, and she has the world balanced neatly in her hands.
she’s all grown up – final year of grade school, and finally allowed to go over to her best friend’s house without their house elf following, all by herself. she’s prepared for every possible situation, in her magically enlarged bag: an umbrella ( in case it rains ), her phone ( to call her mum ), a jacket ( though she’s sure jina’s house won’t be cold ), four different sets of toys ( one of which is a whole kitchen play set in case they decide to play restaurant ), two gifts ( one for jina, obviously, and the other one for little junsu ) and all the snacks she could fit into the rest of the space available ( enough for a week long camping trip, probably ).
and her dress is pretty, too, just in case jina’s older sisters or her mum are in. they usually aren’t ( she’s never even seen jina’s mum, but she’s probably pretty like jina! ), but just in case, she wants to make a good impression on her first solo visit to jina’s house. so she’d picked her nicest dress in gossamer blue, with delicately hand stitched cherry blossoms and her prettiest head band that she knows will match jina’s favourite one. hopefully, jina’s mum will like her enough to invite her again, and she can have another playdate with jina, maybe even as soon as tomorrow! that thought gives her an extra bounce in her step, and she reaches jina’s doorstep right on time.
jiyi’s just tall enough to reach the doorbell on her tiptoes, and she presses the bell once before scuttling quickly to the front of the gate so jina will be able to see her. she bounces up and down on her heels, waiting for her best friend to answer the door.
𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄. it’s the youth full of untied shoelaces, pinky promises and blushes alongside pleasant grins. nine is a time to be remembered and jina makes sure to savor it as best as she can. years ahead of her, and she’s sure this year will be the most memorable yet. she can just feel it in her bones.
it’s also finely-chopped bangs cut just above the brow, hair that tickles her jaw and wondrous eyes that stare at the clock across from the hall as she awaits jiyi’s arrival. shes giddy nerves and overly-presumptuous at the front door. today was the day. jina doesn’t have many friends, but that’s okay because she has jiyi and jina wouldn’t trade the other girl for anyone in the world ( except maybe her sisters but that’s a different story, they were blood ) and while jiyi wasn’t blood nor one of her five other siblings, jina thought she came pretty close.
when she’s not busy snaking on the treats their ahjumma had left behind in the den, jina is back to pacing in front of the door. just as anxious, just as excited as she was before. the minute hand is loud in the empty hallway and jina can’t help but watch time move just as slow as she counted down the seconds until the older girl’s arrival.
just when she hears the bell, she’s all squeals and childish mumbles as she’s racing for the last two steps towards the door before any of her sisters, or worse, junsu comes in to interrupt them. stubby fingers and tipped toes are fumbling with the lock on the door, pushing it open slightly to peek ( because their ahjumma had always told her that it wasn’t safe to open the door for strangers, she should always look at the screen and check to see the arrival of the persons, safety first! ) but she throws caution and once confirmation is had: jina is throwing the door wide, threshold out in the open as she welcomes her friend with open arms.
launching her small little body to collide with the other’s in a joyous embrace, arms immediately going round tiny shoulders as she jumps in place. “jiyi, you’re here!” she’s here! she’s really here! her heart soars and a part of her wants to take this happiness and bottle it up. a contagious feeling that makes even her fingertips sparkle in glee. “come inside, come inside! ahjumma made some snacks for us!” she says, hands unhook themselves from the other’s shoulders to search for a hand unto her own; tugging the other through and letting the door lock behind them.
why did you leave? we were supposed to stick together.
jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
you may ask me why am i writing this letter? because you never answer your fucking phone. next time you drop off the face of the earth, send a forwarding address and maybe a working phone number so we’re not all worrying our asses off thinking you’re dead in a ditch somewhere. jesus, jihye.
jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
writing letters in the 21st century? what are we starved romanticists? please pick up your phone and text me back.
sincerely, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
it actually pains me to pick up a pen and write this. we are living and breathing in a world with the most efficient technological advances and you’re seriously making me break out archaic methods in order to talk to you.
i hate this, you better answer.
miss you.
sincerely, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
it’s been 210 days since i’ve last seen or heard from you. yes, i’m keeping count. i miss you, dearly, and this house is a mess, as always. but i feel like it’d be less of a mess if you were here. or maybe even messier, who knows, really.
junsu is still the same dickhead, jimin 언니 is awol as always, jieun 언니 is off being mom’s little trophy daughter and jungmi 언니 is making headlines with her new column in playwitch, who knew writing for perverts could be so lucrative? i’m kidding, at least it was better than her sex toy advice. if you get playwitch where you are, make sure you pick up this month’s copy! i’m lowkey tempted to post it onto my story.
have you seen my stories lately?
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
how are you? where are you now? is it los angeles or new york? or even paris? the post cards you send to junsu always look so much more inviting than the ones you send me. i don’t burn them, you know. i want to but .... just knowing you’re safe somewhere kind of comforts me.
please send me more, please let me know you’re safe.
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
update: i slapped jieun 언니 at the party today. i don’t regret it but everyone is telling me i should apologize because i was the one in the wrong. but 언니, if you heard what she was saying .... i swear you’d go crazy too ... they’re all a bunch of ignorant greedmongers that it’s just nauseating to listen to and i snapped, okay? ugh, i don’t want to apologize but ...
i fucked up didn’t i?
tell me what to do, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
it’s getting cold here in seoul. i wish i was somewhere tropical like boracay or bali. tell me where you are so we can go together ❤︎
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
i need advice: what’s it feel like to fall in love?
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
i just wanted to let you know i won the running for the fourth year class representative. it was a landslide, can you believe it?
are you proud of me?
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
update: love sucks. it sucks, it sucks, it sucks.
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
언니, something happened. please contact me asap.
it’s urgent, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
the new season of produce started and why is it always the untalented ones that are the cutest? is it something about not being able to sing a tune that just becomes my siren song? is that dramatic or gross?
maybe it’s because i know i’d carry the weight in the relationship either way, hm.
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
i wish you took me with you, i’m slowly seeing the colors of my life fade to black and i don’t know who to tell. i feel like you’d understand, but you’re not here.
you’re never here.
write back, please.
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
you know how gretchen weiners said why didn’t everyone just stab caesar? well that’s my Mood today or everyday. missing you again today, have you gotten my last letter, by the way?
love always, your sister, jina
・ ・ ・
dear jihye,
i’m not fine, and it’s starting to get harder to pretend i am. i feel so much uncontrollable anger swell up within me and i can’t stop it when i let it out. i can see the people around me grow to hate me more and more and i can’t do anything to stop that. maybe i’m careless, too nonchalant, maybe i can do something but what would be the use?
they’re so used to me being this way, maybe it’s better off that i’m hated.
to a glance it’s utter chaos, the sprawl of books and technology, from folders, to notebooks, her recorder and work laptop. but there’s a precise measure to this chaos ( she had began at her desk across the room and slowly but surely, ran out of room ) then again, if you’re a kwak currently living within the posh kwak condo jidam shelled out for, the sight of jungmi dispersed across any surface of the apartment she feels like ( often being a broad portion of ground in any given room ) isn’t abnormal. surrounded by her proliferation of work materials, with her reading glasses that seem to come with an extra feature, as she had never put them on before without her face immediately scrunching into a serious frown. as if they were equipped with a spell to turn jungmi’s expression sour with focus. a pencil on hand for scribbling ( not a pen; she had learned that lesson, when her idly habit of chewing on the ends while thinking too hard, had burst one before ) and a tape recorder shoved into the small pocket in the front breast pocket of her t-shirt. there’s a manic kind of calm about her, a humming bird at rest, bursts of movement in between the serenity and soft hum of concentration.
whatever sound it is that originates from the door, she doesn’t even glance up. from her near yoga-like post, bent over at the waist as she scribbles down a messy scribble of heterogeneous thoughts, something to refine later, before it can escape her tired mind. “hmm?” she hums by way of a greeting, more of a question of why someone has come for her in the first place after she had shrieked across the house like a warning bell that she was going to start working hours earlier. she doesn’t even know which sibling it is, her gaze pinpointed intently at the hangul she scratches across the page in a mess, “unnie is working on something, sorry, gimme a sec,” she explains lightly as she finishes up her sentences and stretches, unwinds her spine out, throwing the pencil as she turns towards the door with an expectant ( admittedly soft, but drained and tight ) expression, “did you come to bug me?” she teases, twice as hard when it’s @mmjina she spots and everything sisterly and warm from within her sparks like a low light ( it had only gotten stronger since the disappearance and reappearance of jihye, her appreciation for jina doubling, and then strangely, tripling ) (( at least jina wouldn’t leave her )) her eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile ( no teeth because she’s just a little too exhausted, not just the time of night but the subject matter of her assignment exacting its due ) and she manages a scrunch of her nose.
𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒. seoul nights grow hotter despite the chill of the running air conditioner and jina awakes with a fever start. it’s a gasp, a startle, star-dusted eyes and a mumbled curse that detaches her from the realm of sleep. her dreams fizzle to an end and her memory grows hazy. what had just happened never comes to and she finds herself disoriented as the darkness of the room fills her vision. seoul skylines do nothing to faze her, lights strung behind closed windows as jina looks around her room like she’s on display. feigned surprise at the stillness, the emptiness that decorated walls and pale pinks hold stare back at her and jina feels it deepen her reality. distracted eyes glance at looming red and the time fucks with her because she has an eight o’clock divination lecture tomorrow that she’s not looking forward to, at all, and she’s headed straight for raccoon eyes the size of mars. she’s parched, not looking forward to tomorrow and there’s a dull ache somewhere in her body that she wishes not to place. a sigh falls and she’s staring at the ceiling.
it’s bothersome, the itch in her throat grows; the ache in her body dulls and she mulls over her options before swinging dainty feet off her bed; silk following suit as she replaces sheets with the fluff of her dolce slippers. they take her away, of a hallway of closed doors and dim lights. of silence and buzzing static at a different side of the home. her destination: kitchen -- where the stars actually take her: jungmi. the other’s words are warmth personified, made to wrap her in the lushest fabrics, of a love she longs for but never fully attains. but it’s enough -- it has to be because wanting for nothing never amounts for any good: jina would know. she knows this too well. she doesn’t say much, and jina never needs to -- not with jungmi. because jungmi has good sense, she has jina’s best intentions at heart -- for jina, jungmi is her salvation and without her, she is lost. for jina, she can let all the walls and tiresome dilemmas crash to her feet and the burden of teenage adolescent angst surface. what she toils, she effortlessly drops for jungmi to pick up the pieces because for jina, jungmi was always there to fix her when everything was lost.
when there was no one left to put her back together again.
so she hugs her tight, when knees sink into scattered papers and her footsteps leave blind prints; falling into an embrace as she digs her head into the other’s neck and feels the tears turn in her eyes. “jihye’s back,” she whispers against flawless skin, like an omen breathed to life. she feels the words take her back to stricken voices, a slap against skin and heated tears on her cheeks; she feels them and bites back a sharp breath.
a person who acts unwisely under the guise of a love potion ;
we don’t call it love.
see also: jina and @mmgyul, the annual yosul commencement party, amidst confusing, tormented hearts.
𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. maybe it wouldn’t hurt when she notices the way his eyes are never on hers and the realization strikes her faster than cold water on a monday morning. she never had a chance, did she? she wants him to look at her, see her -- please. the words are deaf on the lips because jina never begs, but her heart bleeds in consequence. the flowers in her lungs once so full in bloom, vibrant and lovely quickly wilt, and she wants to breathe -- cough, feel the air slither it’s way into her chest rather than the way they shrivel up. locking her breath and keeping her entertained with the disillusion that this wasn’t true. but she can’t -- she feels them crush into her windpipe and all she feels is daffodils, roses and lilies, discontempt, devastation and frustration.
her eyes are hearts, heavily so, eclipsed onto him and he can’t seem to see her. why won’t he see her? these feelings are too familiar, they grow fangs and sink into the very cracks she had thought she had successfully glued together. but jina, oh jina, she never learns.
a girl of nineteen, she doesn’t know love.
she can’t seem to get her bearings together ; they’re powerful and her heart aches, painful -- the cracks appear again. faster this time, undoing months of forgetting, of pretending; they break where they once lay, deeper, and deeper and the flowers in her lungs die. why so? because he doesn’t say the words he once had said.
instead, “hold that thought, i’ll be right back” is spoken into the void and jina lets him. she lets him slip through her fingers like all those times because her eyes are full of broken hearts and she doesn’t have it in her to stop him. it hurts, but she pretends it doesn’t.
pretending is fine, it saves her the heartbreak. because no, he wasn’t going to do this to her again, was he? ( he has, he will, he can’t stop but jina doesn’t want to end this so soon -- this soon -- they just reconciled )
memories of when she first confessed flood and she feels the gash in her heart tear just a bit more as fingers wind into small fists. the wound is stale, dried blood rounds the corners and all yun has to do is dip dainty little fingers in and pull, for everything to come apart. perhaps, months apart did nothing to cure the heartache, she fears. it’s secured when he reaches his target and she has to force a breath because the flowers are too much, they’re ashes instead of air and she’s coughing up death; in the midst, her heart constricts.
time stills and she rarely notices the way hangyul comes and never leaves; acknowledgement falls flat because all jina can see is what she doesn’t believe.
jina thinks if she blinks it won’t hurt. she thinks if her eyes close for just a second, that it isn’t real -- that reality is far more kinder than her nightmares, than dreams could ever be. but through glass eyes, all she sees is the way he’s falling into her and jina can’t look away.
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:12 › you better be awake by 5
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 07:45 › did i say 5? i meant 8 🤭🤷♀️
● a angry text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 14:23 › what the fuck kai⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 14:25 › DON’T FUCKING TALK TO ME⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 14:26 › you better be ready to have my fist meet your FUCKING FACE
● a drunk text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:01 › kai … kai …. 야 …….⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:01 › i lovu ⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:04 › iM kidnafing⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:05 › i HATE yunr GUTS
● a vague text
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:59 › i just want to be left alone
● a worried text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 20:00 › i don’t know who else to turn to⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 20:07 › if you’re gone i don’t have anyone else⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 20:10 › kai ………… please let me know you’re okay⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 20:10 › please tell me what i did wrong
● a text not meant for you ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 00:03 › do you ever want to disappear?
● a sassy text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 06:30 › morons like you are truly a one of a kind 🙄
● a long-winded confession text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 24:10 › thanks for being a constant presence in my life
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 06:30 › forget what i said last night, i’m fine now
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:11 › i know i don’t say it often, kaikai but i’m really thankful you’re still here and haven’t left⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:11 › so many people leave⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:13 › and i know why they do⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:14 › and i can’t blame them even i want to⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:18 › if i were them, i’d leave me too⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:20 › i’m just so tired⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:21 › sometimes i feel like it’s not worth it⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:21 › i pretend like i’m worth it⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:21 › but it’s just pretending, right?⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:21 › because i’m not worth it, ykno⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:25 › sometimes i’m ready to just go away and not come back like jihye⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:26 › because then maybe everyone will be at peace⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 23:30 › i wish jihye took me with her
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 琳凯HEADASS💢. › 01:00 › would you tell me not to leave?
similar but not quite the same, virtually so; but frankly, not enough.
see also: jina and @mmyuanlan before the peace treaty, the glo-up, and insert the manic one on one competition between the two smartest girls in their cohort. CIRCA 2017
𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍, you want to be better than the rest.
you read books until they’re practically imprinted in your mind. you close your eyes and your mind still runs a mile a minute, keep up, keep up -- they taunt you. you’re to be the best, not ahead of the curve, you are the curve. self-awareness is second to self-egos; pampered and bruised. tossed to wolves and torn apart all for the sake of an outstanding academic reputation. the next day, it will begin again.
it’s a repetitive cycle, the slate is never clean, it’s darkened with blood and sweat and tears jina never cries because her eyes are bloodshot and her smile is strained. but she raises her hand high, shoulder brush, maybe a little too passive-aggressively against another’s. she doesn’t spare the slightest glance backwards as her name is spoken like a spell, like it’s obvious that she would be the first to come up with the answer.
like it’s expected, because she was kwak jina.
this was her reputation. untainted by her mother’s crimes, unhindered by the legacies her sisters unravel: no -- kwak jina is unlike her sisters before her. she is not serious, she is not fun personified; she’s not a breath of fresh air nor does she excel at escapism.
she’s haughty, possessive, temperamental and withers at the lack of attention. above all, she is an egoist. she wants to be the best, second in line had never been her frame of work nor would she bow down to someone like -- she blinks, smile ripe against bright teeth -- someone like yuanlan. the name rolls off her tongue as she stares at the list of students, written off by examination scores and paired like cattle for their latest DADA practicum. unlike last time, perhaps the advantage had been lost.
because right next to yuanlan’s was her own -- she bites back a groan, heavily feeling her eyes roll to the back of her head as she turns to stare the other down, arms crossed before she makes up her mind and makes the first move. “it appears,” she breathes through her nose, trying to calm the flares of annoyance already prickling at the back of her neck. “the professor thought it was wise to pair us up for today’s practicum.” her tone is flat, a declaration of if you fuck this up -- i’ll fuck you up whispered between unwritten lines.
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:00 › I’M SO FUCKING PISSED⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:10 › HOW DARE THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:11 › i know we’re on a time-out but still how dare they what the actual fuck⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:13 › ㅗㅗ
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 00:02 › yUN PICK UP⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 00:03 › TIME OUtF OVER OVEr OVER⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 00:05 › pls pichfk me uP im gonna baFr
● a vague text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › am i hard to love?
● a worried text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 00:00 › it’s been 5 months when are you going to talk to me⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 00:03 › i said i was sorry, yun⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 00:04 › i didn’t mean to break your guitar⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 00:06 › i was just mad you weren’t paying attention to me⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 00:10 › please don’t ignore me
● a text not meant for you but it’s actually for you ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 23:01 › why don’t you love me?
● a sassy text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 17:00 › stupify the bitch and get over it
● a long-winded confession text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:10 › do you ever just want to leave me too, yun?⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:10 › be honest⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:11 › don’t spare my feelings⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:12 › i just want to know⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:12 › is your friendship with me a burden?⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:13 › i know i can be a little much, and possessive, and overwhelming, and frustrating, and annoying, and can’t control my anger⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:13 › but …. you’re welcome to leave whenever you want⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:13 › i won’t hate you⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:13 › okay i might but …. if it sucks that much to be friends with me, you can leave too⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:18 › everyone else leaves⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:19 › it’d only be right if you followed suit⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:30 › if i were you i’d leave me too⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:40 › that’s the right choice⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 24:50 › you’re too good for me, yun
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 01:00 › let’s take a time out
・ ・ ・
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 10:07 › so was i right?
● a misguided advice text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 18:28 › you could just hit them over the head with your guitar⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 18:30 › i’ll buy you a new one
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:50 › yun, please answer⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:54 › i know we’re in time out but i’m just really worried⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:55 › no one has heard from you in days⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 19:59 › are you okay?
● a congratulatory text ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 10:09 › congrats⁺ 💬 › JUST윤🖤. › 10:10 › i guess someone finally found a groupie they can’t shake
● a text that should have never been sent ━━━ ・
⁺ 💬 › 🚫TIME OUT! DON’T ANSWER 🚫. › 24:00 › i love you but i guess i’m not good enough for your love, huh?
jina calls her instagram a glorified photobook of ‘candids’, exclusively utilizing the ‘candid’ aesthetic whereas most, if not all, the pictures are more ‘posed’ rather than in the moment or actually candid. she rarely takes or posts selfies, and almost always either has someone taking the picture for her or is behind the camera, herself. half the pics are taken with a film camera while the other half are by her phone, using a ‘film’ filter to give it that aesthetic. apparently the only perk (that she happily exploits) of having a maesoba-loved mother is that her follower count is a lot higher than it realistically should be.
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