#mm:event1

[mmjungmi-blog]

                              （             it’s   the   ＬＯＶＥ ＳＨＯＴ        ）

[mmkyung-blog]

ｂｅｄｌａｍ   ６：１０ ｐｍ ．     YOSUL ANNUAL COMMENCEMENT PARTY

tw: slight body horror, some descriptive horrifying imagery, existentialism, suicide mention honestly this is really dark subject matter my dudes, take care if you’re sensitive.

it’s a tunnel, nothing but endlessness, the long black of nothing ; like blindness, even with eyes wide open there’s nothing to be seen. trying to tunnel deeply into any emotion that wasn’t simplistic, negative, anything that would make him fucking feel something ( anything, god he just wanted to love the people who loved him in return, why was that so wrong ? ) it was nullified. always. there was always nothing. his mother told him that the world didn’t revolve around what others thought of him, so he should feel free and live his life however made him happy. he wanted to tell her, but mother. i don’t feel anything at all. but how could he rip away the curtains of his stage play in front of her ? the only person he came close to caring for ? an act of nobility, of duty, responsibility, maybe a biological imperative towards protecting those who protect us. for too many reasons, he poured his time into imitating love towards his mother ( towards his friends, his cousins ) and god, it’s so sad but, it’s not even exhausting to live like that. it’s just what he’s used to. his automatic response towards those who express positive emotions his way, a pavlovian tick to make those people understand it isn’t them, it’s him ( it’s just me something is wrong with me... )

it’s piercing. it’s genuinely agonizing, like being torn asunder, his body can barely handle the pressure that bursts inside of him out of no where, from nothing. parts of him suddenly feel full that he hadn’t realized did before and it’s so much that it’s blinding. he’s left emotionally battered, like being pummel, all senses in overload with emotions he had, quite literally, never felt before. it leave him feeling so raw, so exhausted, that he wobbles on his feet. props his hand against the wall where he was lingering near, preparing to grab a drink and stalk down cheol and seol for some one on one time ( no point in being family if you can’t embarrass someone ) he still hasn’t recovered. whoever the fuck it was he laid eyes on, he doesn’t even know who, a woman. she had been tall, auburn hair, he didn’t recognize her face ( an alumni ? ) he clutches at the wall and fuck maybe the whole room disappears when she does. moving a little too fast into the throng and why the hell does he want to chase her. who the fuck is she ? the impact of emotion thrashes into him, heart frankly torn from his chest. and the moment his legs threaten to carry him away without a single warning, he bursts like a flooded pipe holding back too much tension. it could have been his blood on the ground but it’s from his eyes ; the hot torrent of tears, one single sob before it chokes off like he had taken an ax and cut it off at the source. heaves with an inhale that catches on every one of his ribs and sputters inside of his throat like it’s trying to crawl back up his wind pipe. is this what everyone else feels ? it’s not real ( he knows it isn’t and that makes it worse ) is this what his mother felt ? ( he might be sick rather than cry ) (( he doesn’t know what’s more preferred ))

he wants to kiss her ( who the fuck even is she ) he wants to fold her into his arms, a cradle against his heart ( yes it still beats, it’s never been this way before; so fast and hard, it hurts slamming against his ribs ) kiss every inch of her with an intent of love that scares him. if she touched his jaw, laid a pretty hand there, he would cry again, he knew he would ( one single touch from her would make everything go away ) (( could she fix him? all the problems disappeared when he saw her, didn’t they ? ))

he’s never felt complete before....

it’s never stopped feeling ... nothing, before.

he glances, makes eye contact with everyone he can. maybe someone will kill him and put him out of his misery. if this is what love feels like... han kyung doesn’t know how the fuck he plans to go without it again... he doesn’t want to. he can’t. the sobs fight to break free but he contains them with his hand to his chest like his heart might fight its way out and he has to smother it down. and then he just shuts down. maybe she’ll come pick him up where he stands with a nearly vacant ( eroded down to smooth because it’s so full of meaning it short circuits ) stare across the room. 

if this is love...

[mmyun]

EVENT I; PART I: THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL? ( ft. @mmjungmi. )

            the sound of the party filters out all at once, like the air had been sucked out of the room leaving yun in a vacuum. he can vaguely see jina’s mouth moving out of the corner of his eye, still close from where they’d just wandered in and huddled in the corner. she’s speaking, but yun can’t pay attention to a single word. because jina is not the kwak his attention is focused on right now. everything fuzzes away at the edges until it’s her front and center in his vision. her who looks ethereal in her suit and oh so sad that yun’s heart breaks. what is it about tonight that’s made his attention snap in to focus? is it the lights, the music, the smartness of her jacket that’s opened yun’s eyes? because kwak jungmi has never looked more beautiful, and yun has never felt a love like this in his life. it consumes him, drowns him, hooks right into his chest and tugs painfully in her direction. how could he have missed this before? even when she had crowded him against the wall and brought her lips so close to his own, all for the sake of an illusion? how had he walked away with only his heart thumping and his cheeks stained pink when now it feels like he’ll die if he doesn’t take her hand in his and tell her how stunning she looks? 

            it’s not a choice when he tilts his face towards jina, eyes not leaving her sister. it’s not a choice when he murmurs, “hold that thought, i’ll be right back” before stalking across the room. it’s a necessity, because jungmi looks so devastating and so heartbroken it’s like a tragic greek statue. she’s carved out of cool marble that yun is absolutely not allowed to brush his fingers against to trace the loveliness of her form. but yun is a fool, head swimming with adoration and love, love, love! so he comes to her side, so weak and so devoted. he places a hand on her shoulder, trying to let his unbridled affection seep through the touch and let her know that there’s no need for such melancholy in her beautiful eyes. he’d do anything to take it away, to build over it with joy. 

            “noona,” he says, and god is the sound desperate. he aches for her, to make her better, to stand by her side. can’t his love be enough? won’t she see? “noona, you look so sad. please, what can i do?” what can he do but take her hand in his (bold, too bold, when has yun ever dared to be so forward!) and hold it close. “jungmi noona, just tell me what to do. i’ll make it better. just please don’t look so sad, my heart is breaking.”

[mmheeyeon]

&&. TALK FAST.

( ` catches a glimpse of herself in the cauldron that’s holding punch. heeyeon looks paler than usual-- was today’s shift that tiring? she knows the answer before the hypothetical question’s even finished. no, because she’d worked it with ❤️ hanbin ❤️. where is he, anyway? merlin’s beard, she misses him. so bad. she pushes through throngs of people, rattling off halfhearted apologies until she catches a glimpse of the familiar shirt. why did he look so good!!! it’s unfair to her and her poor heart. ) ❤️ hanbinie - oppa ! ❤️ ( ` you never call him that, why’s the sudden change? there’s a part of her brain that nags at her, but she can’t find a good reason to why she wouldn’t call her lovely ❤️ hanbin ❤️ with the proper honorifics, as he turns around and all breath is knocked out her lungs. ) i was thinking! why wait 4 whole years? let’s just have a baby now ! let’s go ! ( ` grabs his hand, intent on pulling him to the nearest broom closet. how romantic! they met in yosul, and they’ll even start a family in yosul! )

for @mmhanbin ♡

[mmyuanlan-blog]

—— people will stare. make it worth their while.

[mmjina]

⁺  EYES ON ME LIKE I’M A 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐄, BUT YOU BETTER    RECOGNIZE, I’M NOT YOUR 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋     ⧆

[mmchoa]

                                      IGNITE    ━━━     💥

[mmsaetbyeol]

                  i hope you fall into my arms, my shooting star     ━━━  ⋆