when you shit on kink and say it's anti feminist, it seems like you're just shitting on women who have a different kind of feminism than you
listen i don’t criticize porn and kink kink bc i hate and judge ppl who engage in it. it’s because i also used to celebrate kink + porn under the guise of “sex positivity/empowerment”. it’s because that’s what my “kind of feminism” used to be - the kind that excused and allowed obvious expressions of misogynistic violence.
and that cognitive dissonance allowed me to continue internalizing misogyny. that cognitive dissonance allowed me to continue having my sexuality formed by violent porn. it allowed me to convince myself it was feminist and acceptable when a man that i slept with gave me a black eye. it allowed me to convince myself that it was normal + healthy for men to be turned on by physically hurting and controlling me. it’s not.
I have nothing but empathy for women + hold no judgement of people who are kinky. Hell, I’m kinky. but it’s not feminism to try to convince yourself and everyone else that fantasies based on violence + domination are progressive, just bc they make you feel good. it is not helping women to teach them that it’s a-okay for men to want to choke them and call them sluts.
i’m concerned for young girls. i’m scared that we are entering a stage of feminism where it is considered largely acceptable to role-play rape and pedophilia. i am angry on behalf of the many girls i know who have been choked by partners who did not ask first, because that’s been so normalized. I am terrified that men can talk about fantasizing about forcing, humiliating, owning and objectifying women without criticism, because that would be “kink shaming.” Do you get what I’m saying?
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