Sometimes people will send me job offers for stuff I’ve never done before, and I like, run to the library and learn how to do it real quick, but something tells me I can’t just speedrun being director of fire.
In high school, I did the costumes for theatre club and did such a sick job that I made the paper, but the thing is, I had only sewn a handful of things before, but luckily I was wearing the most impressive one when they asked if I could make some things.
I built a mechanical hand for a production of Evil Dead using one of those wooden artist models and a few robotics guides and some scrap parts from toys. There was a mix-up where they interpreted “theatre experience” and “coding experience” (should you put things you did at science camp on a resume?? No! Do I? Yes!) as meaning I could build them theatre robots. But I kind of knew how to make things, and I kind of knew how theatre happened, so it was fine.
I even got into taxidermy because I could sew and briefly worked as an organ player at my mother’s funeral home, and someone was like, “Oh, you worked at a funeral home and can sew. I bet you’re good at this.” I was not! But I kind of knew how to put things together from the time I bullshitted a robot, so I was like, “Yeah, I can articulate a skeleton I bet probably.”
“You did taxidermy and costuming? Make me jewelry out of bones!” Oh, fuck me, okay, man, I uhh. Gimme a second.
“You juggled for kids birthday parties and you want to be a librarian? You’re good with kids and education! Tutor my child in math.” Uhh. Yeah, absolutely. I know. I know how to teach, maybe. I, uh. Aw, shit. Yeah, I’ll do it.
“You built a remote control hand and did a half-assed spray paint job on a beater derby car before? How about we make you MASTER OF THE FLAMES?” You know what, bud, I’m gonna pass on that one for now.
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