Sometimes people will send me job offers for stuff Iâve never done before, and I like, run to the library and learn how to do it real quick, but something tells me I canât just speedrun being director of fire.
In high school, I did the costumes for theatre club and did such a sick job that I made the paper, but the thing is, I had only sewn a handful of things before, but luckily I was wearing the most impressive one when they asked if I could make some things.
I built a mechanical hand for a production of Evil Dead using one of those wooden artist models and a few robotics guides and some scrap parts from toys. There was a mix-up where they interpreted âtheatre experienceâ and âcoding experienceâ (should you put things you did at science camp on a resume?? No! Do I? Yes!) as meaning I could build them theatre robots. But I kind of knew how to make things, and I kind of knew how theatre happened, so it was fine.
I even got into taxidermy because I could sew and briefly worked as an organ player at my motherâs funeral home, and someone was like, âOh, you worked at a funeral home and can sew. I bet youâre good at this.â I was not! But I kind of knew how to put things together from the time I bullshitted a robot, so I was like, âYeah, I can articulate a skeleton I bet probably.â
âYou did taxidermy and costuming? Make me jewelry out of bones!â Oh, fuck me, okay, man, I uhh. Gimme a second.
âYou juggled for kids birthday parties and you want to be a librarian? Youâre good with kids and education! Tutor my child in math.â Uhh. Yeah, absolutely. I know. I know how to teach, maybe. I, uh. Aw, shit. Yeah, Iâll do it.
âYou built a remote control hand and did a half-assed spray paint job on a beater derby car before? How about we make you MASTER OF THE FLAMES?â You know what, bud, Iâm gonna pass on that one for now.
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