shifting fixations like the tides @moduluscopper - Tumblr Blog

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(song: "spoken for ft. kasane teto" by flavor foley)

hello chat I have gained the illnesses again

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

in my Enclosure, performing Behaviors

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

perfectly normal Behaviors

half-blood-goods

Oh really?

What's in your mouth then

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

IT'S MY TAIL AND I CAN CHEW IT OFF AT THE ROOT IF I WANT TO

moduluscopper

as you are an amorphous pink mass, this would not look like much, much like how slime folds into itself and looks no different

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Reminder that “processing trauma” doesn’t just mean “talk about the traumatic shit that happened to you” (especially if you aren’t ready to do that yet). It also means:

Giving yourself time, safety, and rest. Letting your brain learn how to feel safe again by giving it a safe place to rest and recover. Rediscovering the feeling of peace is a fundamental part of recovery.

Examining your day-to-day feelings. (Not just your feelings about what happened in the past, but the way you feel just in general, day-to-day.) Observing and understanding your present emotions, the things you are struggling with, the things that are getting easier, recognizing the good, the bad, and the gray.

Identifying triggers, brainstorming ways to avoid them, and having a gameplan & coping skills for when they can’t be avoided.

Identifying goals, concrete or otherwise. (E.g. my goal is to have more good days this month than last month, to have fewer days spent in bed, to have fewer moments of panic, to be a little happier and feel a little more safe.)

Mapping progress

Talking about your fears & negative feelings is important. But you can start by talking about your desires & hopes for the future. In therapy, you get to choose what to talk about, and how far the conversation goes.

Reminding yourself that you are working to overcome obstacles specifically because there are good things waiting ahead.

Recovery is a journey, and everyone carves a slightly different path. You don’t have to follow step-by-step instructions, as long as you learn how to keep moving forward.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

fun thing about getting older as a dedicated lifelong non-athlete: i'm as fast and limber as I've ever been! which is not very. technically I'm in the best shape of my life. that is to say, middling

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

actually going from deeply-unwell-teenager to reasonably-functional-adult has inured me to the Common Laments of Aging:

"I can't run as fast as I used to" running is sweaty & gross hard pass

"i miss having stamina" you had STAMINA???

"ugh back pain" my inner teenager-with-scoliosis-and-mysterious-bone-pain is unphased

"ugh neck pain" do most people not spend the majority of their lifecycle hunched over screens from puberty onwards? if not that's my bad

"I used to be able to pull all-nighters" chugging energy drinks and depriving your brain of sleep to perform miserable labor is fucked up actually, and shouldn't be normalizd in or outside of college. given half a chance corporations would have your 60-year-old aunt hopped up on caffeine pills retouching powerpoints at 4am. thank fuck we're not expected to be 21 forever

"I used to be so flexible" why

"my metabolism 😭" kill your inner fatphobe, enjoy the comfy extra padding/circulation, buy a cool new wardrobe, and go forth, eat well, and GIVE NARY A FUCK.

"I miss having young knees" that one's valid

In conclusion my personal fitness goals remain, as always: to be able to carry multiple grocery bags, and go for a nice little walk (not jog!) around the neighborhood.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

let me rant for a minute about how fucked up it is that "fitness" gets pushed first on teenagers as 1) school sports/athletics (which cause a statistically enormous amount of lifelong injuries) and then as 2) instagram gym culture aka being skinny+muscular for aesthetics. we pretend this is what "health" looks like, and it's not.

fitness & excercise should be about improving your day-to-day life. which means fitness needs vary a lot by individual, age, medical conditions etc. here are just a few examples of what practical fitness goals can look like:

stretches/exercises to reduce pain in daily life (e.g. carrying groceries up a flight of stairs without being sore the next day)

increase mobility (e.g. walking around a museum with fewer rest periods)

increase stamina (e.g. running to catch a bus)

increase muscle mass e.g. to prepare for your 60s/70s, bc apparently that stuff sticks around and makes getting older waaaaay easier

increase balance/flexibility to prevent falls

build/preserve bone density to prevent osteoporosis

general injury prevention, bc that shit sucks

basic maintenance, to help preserve a lifestyle that works for you

screw this anti-aging bullshit. no one needs to be a professional athlete or permenantly 21. what we deserve is to be able to age comfortably and live long, fulfilling lives. fitness is a tool, not a moral duty. it should work for you, not vice versa.