#𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐯 ☆ a dependent blog for @𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐯. please do not interact if you are not apart of the group.
── .✦ penned by 𝐥𝐞𝐞 (any pronouns)
𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 ☆ ryan destiny. twenty9. she/her
── .✦ or a study in winding yourself 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 that you can't help but snap, finding release in only what can give you the most 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, and thinking that you can make everything fit perfectly if you just try 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡.
elliot couldn't remember the last time he enjoyed a song from this decade. este love, with her accolades and adoring fans, was no exception. sure, he could see how people whispered excitedly around them in the small cafe, but he really couldn't tell one popstar from the next and even the mention of the new album did little to pique his interest. different strokes, he supposed. taking a sip from his coffee, elliot thought carefully about what he could have possibly mentioned to inspire such a song. “private equity asset management? c'mon, you do not want to write a song about the shit i talk about,” he joked, rolling his eyes. “i'm boring. i want to be boring. if i were actually interesting, you'd be seeing a lot more of me on that stupid blog. seriously, don't tell me you're just fishing for gossip now.”
immediate scoff passes her lips before she can help herself. fishing for gossip? as if. “ you don't think i have better things to do than to bother you about your personal life, elliot? ” true, for the record. she's nothing if not busy. “ you were talking about how people can underestimate you because you don't have a college degree. ” that was something they had bonded over, being dropouts - hers being in high school, but it wasn't often people in her industry got college degrees, anyways. she assumed being a high school dropout singer and a college dropout ceo were about equal in judgement. “ you don't think that's interesting? ” pretty sure she knew the answer to that already.
the notebook's reveal earns the slightest lift of his brow, attention drifting from the cup in front of him to the careful way she positions the pen like whatever he says next is already halfway to becoming top 40 material. he lets the silence stretch for a moment, " you're giving me a lot of credit there, " voice edged with quiet skepticism. " good songs usually come from something a little more interesting than whatever nonsense i was rambling about the other day. " his gaze flicks briefly toward the open page, then back to her, amusement slipping in despite himself. " unless you're planning on writing a very honest record about insomnia or questionable decisions. " though what did he know ? este was the one people were still talking about. who was he but a washed up has - been ?
insomnia este knew about, from her lengthy childhood alternating between sleeplessness and night terrors, but it was the other thing phoenix mentioned that she had less experience with: honesty. with her year-long publicity stunt relationship, her fighting with her label about the genre of music she wanted to do, and her inability to accept things as they were instead of as they should be, honesty was little more than a word to este love. “ i want to move away from the pop genre of house of cards, ” referencing her debut album and its' mass-appeal. despite growing up in church music and soul, este's research meant she knew that her debut album wouldn't have caught the attention it did unless she played by the rules - and wasn't that what it came down to at the end of the day? attention?
the second album, though, needed to have a perspective, lest she be seen as a one-hit wonder. “ i'm thinking something more…raw. r&b, maybe, or something with a choir. ” there was not many things worse than a mediocre second album. a bad first album can be written off as ‘finding your footing’ - a bad second one tells the world that you're already out of stories to tell. which is how este ended up here, sitting in front of the one person who had already been deemed out of stories to tell. she had never believed it, though. “ i really think you can help me. ” the truth. besides, if anyone had the craft to turn nix's bad decisions into music people wanted to hear, it had to be este. right?
unlike most of the people she met, she wasn't a fan of gossip. este much preferred useful information, her preferred mode of getting to know people. what was the thing they knew the most about? what could she extrapolate from it to use to make herself more powerful? she was a natural networker, and this coffee chat was no exception. “ new album just came out . . . ” she said, as if it wasn't already plastered across times square. she liked to play humble where she could. “ naturally, next one is in the works. ” she looked at the person before her as if her question was obvious. when it didn't click, she continued. “ i want to write a song about that thing you were telling me about. ” that thing that had happened to them, or was it that interest they had taken up? este couldn't remember, but she took out her fountain pen and notebook to write down everything that was said now.
status : open for everyone
location : central park reservoir
holding a cup of hot chai in her hand, after being finished with her private classes for the morning, mila found herself around the reservoir looking at the skyline of the west side from the east. she did find central park to be obnoxious at times, but beautiful at most. she was so spaced out with her airpods in her ears listening to whatever podcast was in the background of her walk, that she didn't even realize someone was talking. “ i'm sorry. ” the ballerina says as she takes out one airpod. “ were you talking to me ? ”
este hadn't, actually, been talking been talking to the blonde before her, mostly just trying to clear her mind before her press junket began that afternoon. she wasn't quite used to the catapult into the spotlight - she had been grinding for attention in the music industry for the last decade and a half, but the last year or two had more to show it for it than she had expected. getting recognized in all her old haunts was . . .an interesting experience, to say the least. it was fun, until people started talking to her, at which point este realized just how exhausting it was to keep up constant media training with people who didn't have the same concerns about reputation she did.
she had spent the last few months trying to find more and more exclusive places, though she found she missed places like this - which is what brought her to central park shortly after sunrise, the only time she found to enjoy it without her aforementioned concerns polluting the area. “ it's pretty, right? ” she said instead, locking eyes with the girl before tugging her gaze toward the skyline. not as pretty as you. because it was her gut instinct to flirt, but este learned the hard way how she had to start being more discrete. she let her gaze linger, anyway. “ please tell me you're also avoiding responsibilities right now. " or some other reason that would explain why she was up so early. “ i'm supposed to be on my way to be media training. ”
Jordan, you know I love you, but girl...what a silly question! I didn't want to go into music, I wanted to be known. It just so happened that I had the voice of an angel - at least, that's what my agent told me when he came to my high school's talent show.
Scouting talent, of course! But if you're asking what piqued his interest, he might have received a very helpful hint that there was a star-in-the-making there. From a very wise benefactor.
Exactly, Jordan. It's cute. I'm not here to be cute. I spent enough of my childhood with puffy cheeks and bouncing legs, biting my nails down to the nubs. I'm not that child anymore - I'm Este.
Don't look at me like that. It's not that I don't care about the music - of course I do. I write all my own lyrics, don't I? Well, as many as my label will let me. I've got lists and lists in that traveler's notebook you see in all the trashy tabloids - no offence - of every combination of song lyrics my brain can come up with, and then some. I'm just saying that if I was amazing at aerial silks, you'd find me on the poster for Cirque du Soleil. I didn't care what I could do - I just had to do it.
Jordan! I write about everything! My man, of course, but also my friends, and my enemies, and maybe some past ex-boyfriends here and there - not sure how that's a crime!
It's called chemistry, Jordan! It's not my fault I have it with everybody! People acting as if I would cheat on my man right in front of his face don't know me at all - I have class. Besides, can you call it cheating if he doesn't even care?
Yes, I saw that on her Instagram story - not even brave enough to post her micro-aggressions to the main feed, I see. I might have tried to help with the pacing and framing, but I've been in front of the camera since I was fourteen, making Youtube videos in my childhood bedroom. I know how to make myself look good - the fact that this talk show hostess couldn't doesn't make me bossy.
I write down everything. It's not just song lyrics - it's everything I could ever want to know. I have about half a dozen notebooks lining my bookshelf at the studio just about vocal techniques and sound mixing. At the villa, there's probably closer to triple that. I take notes whenever anyone talks - that's how I know you won't get an interview like this ever again.
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁! 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁?
Maybe you should have asked better questions, Jordan. An Este never forgets.
...You're getting colder. But yes, the rumours are true: I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder after my mom passed - seventeen years ago now, mind you, so I'm not sure how it's relevant to where I am now. It mostly meant I had trouble sleeping as a kid, but now it means I get legally prescribed Ambien.
𝗪𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱, 𝗘𝘀.
Oh my god, to help me sleep! Don't twist my words! It's official: I'm never doing another interview with DIVA again.
── .✦ hey, i think i just served 𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ! you mean the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝟗 year old 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐋 known for their 𝐒𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐑𝐘 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒, 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐒, 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐑, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐏 𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓? no way, what did they order ? 𝐏𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄. wow, no surprise for someone whose garnered a reputation for being 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 AND 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐑𝐎-𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆. i heard the hostess say they were being targeted by @𝑅𝑂𝐵𝐼𝑁𝐻𝑂𝑂𝐷 because of 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 . maybe it's just me but it doesn't align with the tabloids screaming about 𝑇𝑅𝐴𝑉𝐸𝐿𝐸𝑅'𝑆 𝑁𝑂𝑇𝐸𝐵𝑂𝑂𝐾 𝐹𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐸𝐷 𝑊𝐼𝑇𝐻 𝐿𝐼𝑆𝑇𝑆, 𝐿𝑂𝑂𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐴𝑇 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑈𝑁𝐷𝐸𝑅𝑁𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝐸𝑅 𝐸𝑌𝐸𝐿𝐴𝑆𝐻𝐸𝑆 𝑊𝐻𝐸𝑁 𝑆𝐻𝐸 𝑆𝐼𝑍𝐸𝑆 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑈𝑃, 𝐿𝐸𝑀𝑂𝑁 𝐽𝑈𝐼𝐶𝐸 𝐻𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝑊𝐴𝑆𝐻𝐸𝑆 𝑇𝑂 𝑆𝑇𝑂𝑃 𝑁𝐴𝐼𝐿-𝐵𝐼𝑇𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐻𝐴𝐵𝐼𝑇𝑆 whenever their name comes up. make sure to deliver the drink to the 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐄 ( 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝟐, 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐁 ) and let’s hope they're a good tipper. if not, i'll happily send in some stories of my own.