ห๐น เฃชห ห เฃช ึดึถึธ โธฐ ๐ฅ อเฃณ โธฐึบโญ minors, do not interact !
โ hello, and welcome to my humble blog where I share the whacky things that my sleep-deprived brain churns out at 3 in the morning. i am mokka, an avid music enjoyer and singer who writes and draws sometimes. โ
โ this blog will be focused on my writing, more specifically the darker parts i'd like to explore with it. for that reason, please do check out my rules to see what i do and do not write about to make a more educated choice on whether or not this blog is for you. thank you. โ
โ having said all that, i'd love to hear from you guys! feel free to interact and send asks / (constructive) critique my way. for me there's nothing more encouraging than a satisfied audience, even if i do mostly write for myself and my own improvement. โ
:')) I'm so excited to share it. Sometimes I feel like I should just drop the first part, but the first part is so different from the main plot that it lowkey doesn't thematically fit my blog. Oh well. xd
I'll probably drop it once I'm done preparing for SAT~
Oh, the irony. Okay, I'm back, but now that I've reread Pet again, I hate the first chapter, so I might have to redo it. Which is insane because I've already developed the story so far into the future. I hate how I come up with everything in my mind but am too lazy to write it all down. Then again, this is what this blog is for - to force my brain to cooperate and slow down so that I can actually put my stories on paper U,U
:')) I'm so excited to share it. Sometimes I feel like I should just drop the first part, but the first part is so different from the main plot that it lowkey doesn't thematically fit my blog. Oh well. xd
I'll probably drop it once I'm done preparing for SAT~
i'm currently working on my favorite plot (part one is done, part 2 is a wip) and im so tired but the second i decide to call it a night, i just feel so restless...
have you ever felt too awake to sleep but too tired to actually do anything beyond staring at the screen?
this blog is run by a single person in the pursuit of perfecting her writing skills. it mainly exists as a hobby, that - for better or for worse - i'd like to share with the world. please keep that in mind.
it's not quite the end, for the rules are below. expand to read them.
I. Audience - Minors
to start off strong, this one is for y'all minors out there. if you are legally considered underage, please do not interact with my blog as you will be blocked. while i acknowledge that i can't controll what you do (drawing from my own experience as a minor, whoops), it's still my sincerest recommendation that i hope you will follow.
read the stories at your own risk.
II. Content
keep in mind that what a writer writes about doesn't mirror what they condone or don't condone in real life. this blog exists for the exploration of darker themes and it should be regarded as such.
i do not condone any of the toxic/unlawful behaviours i write about.
things i will be writing about:
yandere, non-yandere
abuse, be it physical, psychological or sexual (dubcon/noncon will be mentioned, but i doubt i will write it out any time soon, or anything explicitly sexual for that matter)
death, non-explicit suicide, self harm
things i won't be writing about:
explicit suicide (the act itself/detailing the process)
pedophilia, incest
human waste, vore, omegaverse/animal variations, explicit animal harm
III. Final Note
as the characters i've created are my own, please do not plagirize my work. just like cheating on exams - your time is better spent practicing and honing your own skills instead of relying on dishonest practice.
additionally, do not feed my content to ai, nor use it to create chatbots.
๊ฐโ moodboard โ first chapter โ latest chapter โ last chapter โ๊ฑ
characters: yandere!psychologist Theo x lawyer!darling Ana
synopsis: yandere!psychologist keeps returning home to his lawyer!darling only to find her trying to cope with her mental struggles with alcohol instead of seeking his professional help. When will you learn?
all the featured characters are original characters.
even though some of the stories are written in second person singular, that doesn't mean that they are reader inserts. every character of mine has a backstory and traits specific to them, so they are their own characters. i simply like experimenting with pov's.
expand to read the masterlist.
I. those silken strings
characters: yandere!dollmaker Erin x doll!darling Grace
synopsis: yandere!dollmaker makes a living doll to fill the void left in his life after his darling's death. that way, they can be together forever.
II. be your fix
characters: yandere!psychologist Theo x lawyer!darling Ana
synopsis: yandere!psychologist keeps returning home to his lawyer!darling only to find her trying to cope with her mental struggles with alcohol instead of seeking his professional help. When will you learn?
A/N: I have too many ideas and too little time to write all of them. Sigh. Well, here you go - a small snippet of what could be yet another pretty long story. I'll probably break it down in snippets and one-shots displaying different scenarios + time jumps to experiment a little with this as well. Anyways, there are too few yandere doctor/psychologist/psychotherapist stories out there, so this is yet another contribution. :')
synopsis: yandere!psychologist (OC) keeps returning home to his lawyer!darling (OC) trying to cope with her mental struggles with alcohol instead of seeking his professional help. When will you learn?
this story includes the following themes: alcohol abuse + dependence, mental health struggles (intrusive thoughts, burnout, breakdowns, anxiety), manipulation, infantilization, obsessive behaviour / fixation, briefly mentioned self-harm
word count: 2.4k
Yandere!Psychologist Theo Reed who returned every evening from the ward to find his darling shivering against the warmest corner of the living room and clutching a bottle of wine.
You looked like such a mess with your unfocused gaze and helpless trembling, but at least he could call this mess his own. He'd never let you down and especially not now that you needed him this desperately.
With long strides, he walked up to you before sitting down on the floor and carefully scooping you into his arms. Even though the situation wasnโt exactly optimal, he loved keeping you close to him like this; he loved having you need him to make you whole again.
โDarlingโฆ You really have to stop doing this to yourself,โ he murmured into your ear as he slowly began to rock you back and forth, the steady rhythm stirring your mind awake. His hands - freezing from the December cold - soon found their way to yours, gently wrapping around them before taking away your liquid escape and putting it somewhere out of reach. You didnโt need cheap substitutes anymore, now that he was there to help.
He wanted to ground you. Itโs been a long day, after all, and both of you deserved it. His softness slowly guided you back into reality, leaving this numb, hazy state that made you feel like you were hovering outside your body behind. โCome to me,โ heโd coo as he tucked you even closer into him, letting you listen to his heartbeat. You barely registered it but you felt his presence and that was enough for your body to find some respite from this self-induced numbness that now made your head spin.ย
โH-Heyโฆโ you slurred as you nuzzled against his neck. Your voice had a certain rasp to it that usually wasnโt there. It seemed like this breakdown had done a number on you, leaving your throat sore. He made a mental note to make you some tea with honey. Heโll be your caretaker tonight.
โHey, you,โ he mumbled into your ear before giving it a small peck, getting a small noise of satisfaction out of you. He lived for these noises. For them and for the way you squirmed in his arms when he did things to you. But he clearly couldnโt go there, not when you were so out of it, that is. Still, he couldnโt help but smile at your neediness, rewarding it with the kind of pets that always made your entire body tingle.
โI missed y-youโฆโ you whispered, your tone way too whiny to come out of your mouth on any other sober occasion but you couldnโt help it right now. If you werenโt so intoxicated, you wouldโve died from embarrassment from how pathetic you sounded, but right now you were just too exhausted to care. Youโve been waiting for him for hours now, and you were quite literally desperate for him to do his magic and rearrange those broken parts that kept chipping time and time again off that usually so perfectly curated faรงade of yours.
โI can tell, baby. And I missed you too. Work is always so lonely because youโre not there. My mind constantly kept wandering to you, wondering if you were okay, if you were doing alright on your ownโฆ I wish you couldโve been there with me.โ
He feels you nod against him, your nose tickling his neck. โH-How w-was work?โ you asked, barely able to string your question together. Every word was a struggle, but you liked struggling for him. Hearing his deep, calming voice in turn made it worth it to you.
โIt was very busy, but also quite productive. Some of my patients are making great progress, actually, so Iโm really proud of them. Iโm sure youโd be proud of them too considering the fact that you were the one that negotiated in their favour in court.โ
โAmalia? Reynolds?โ
He nodded with a small smile. โButโฆ what Iโm way more interested in knowing is how your day went.โ At that he pulled away, letting his fingers tilt your chin up for him to look into your hazy eyes. His thumb rested on you lower lip for your hot breath to warm it. โMind telling me what happened? Why are you sad again? I thought we agreed that youโd wait for me instead of drinkingโฆโ
You stammered countless slurred apologies as your eyes watered, telling him what you always did: that you were sorry, that you didnโt mean to go back on the promise, that you didnโt mean to disappoint him, that youโll do better in the future, that you were sorryโ
โI know you are, darling.โ His calm demeanour painted a stark contrast to the way words seemed to anxiously bubble out of you. โLetโs get you to bed where you can feel a bit more comfortable. Thatโs enough sitting on the cold, hard floor. Youโll get sick at this rate.โ
You clung to him needily, your grip tight despite (or perhaps because of) how much the world was spinning.
Once he set you down on the plush blankets of your shared bed, he carefully cocooned you in them, wanting to make sure you were absolutely tended for while in this compromising state. He knew heโd done a good job when you hid a little further under the sheets, your eyes going half-lidded in comfortable satisfaction.ย
You let a sleepy hum when you felt him hug your lower body, his head resting on your stomach - one of his favorite positions. It felt so nice to run your fingers through his silky brown locks while his hot breath caressed your sensitive skin. This soothing intimacy he managed to create between the two of you never failed to make you feel safe and cared for. It truly was the only thing that managed to quieten your constantly buzzing mind - it swirling with perpetual, unwanted thoughts.
โTalk to me, darlingโฆโ he pressed once more. โWhat happened? Was it work?โ
โNoโฆ โs fine. Iโm alright againโฆ Youโre here.โ While those words never failed to make Theoโs chest swell with this desperate need to protect you and to make sure you keep saying those words for years to come, he knew he should try digging deeper. You always did this, you always shot down any attempt at actually talking it out with him. Couldnโt you see how much that hurt him - to have all the necessary tools to help you in terms of knowledge of human psychology, but you refusing to let him in?
โPleaseโฆ Just talk to me. I want to help you. I want you to be there for you.โ Theo kept quiet, hoping that perhaps the fact that you hated silence would make you open up more just to fill it.ย
โIโm sorryโฆโ you whispered once more, making Theo sigh before he pulled himself up to spoon you, making a wave of warm tingles spread throughout your numb body.ย
โI just wish youโd share with me. It breaks my heart to keep finding you trembling from nerves every evening, clutching those bottles. Itโsโฆ unlike the strong and confident woman I married.โ He hesitated saying that last sentence, knowing that you hated being compared to your old selves, the very thought of you having changed for the worse and having lost a perfectly good version of yourself along the way causing you anxiety.
For a long while you didnโt say anything and he figured you mightโve dozed off at this point. It certainly wasnโt the first time you did that. Wine made you sleepy quickly like that, and while he found it adorable, he found it equal parts frustrating. He was about to leave bed to make you some tea for when you inevitably woke up an hour later, but then you finally spoke up hesitantly: โI donโt know how to explain it without sounding absolutely unhingedโฆโ
โCome on, try me,โ Theo countered, feeling hopeful.
โItโs like my brain is constantly screaming at me to do or not to do something - constantly buzzing, nagging, always making me so anxious that my entire body starts t-to shake,โ you whispered, those long unsaid words finally being splayed in the open. Faint anxiety began to creep into your voice once more. It felt numb, but it still lingered, threatening to spill over once the wineโs soothing effect has been washed away from your system completely. โI feel messed up. Fifty percent of the time Iโm so frustrated because thereโs so much work for me to do, so many cases to look over and so many letters to write, and my mind keeps yelling at me to keep going and going and goingโ to just do one more thing, despite having said that ten things ago, despite feeling like Iโm running on fumes.โย
You drew a shaky breath, feeling defeated by your own words. It hurt to admit things like that. You knew what you had just said, it didnโt require a psychology degree to recognize symptoms of burnout for what they were.
โMy darling girlโฆ come here.โ Theo murmured into your ear as he pressed you closer to his body, and you wouldโve pulled away like a child and glared at him for patronizing you like that but you didnโt have the energy to put up a fight this time. You just let him hold you tightly, finding a comfortable sense of calm in the way he petted your head affectionally.ย
It was clear to him that you needed his help โ not just as your husband but as your doctor, too. He didnโt mind taking hours off to care for you, far from it. He welcomed it, with excitement even. Heโs always wanted to have you as his little patient, for what was more beautiful than healing his own most treasured person the way you had healed him?
He felt a tiny bit bad that a part of him longed for this broken version of you, when he knew just how unhappy you were with your vulnerability. He loved you, he cared for you and he didnโt want you to suffer a second of your life. In fact, if he were to decide, youโd forever life in bliss, just you and him forever and ever with no distractionsโฆ ah, how perfect that would be. Perhaps bliss could be him taking care of you, if only you would let him.
But you were so damn stubborn with the way you kept to yourself like this, bottling your feelings up until they exploded in your face in the form of yet another destructive breakdown, and making him question time and time again if he should maybe just hurry and lock you at the hospital to take care of you better. You absolutely needed his professional attention, that much he knew. In fact, youโve been needing it for a long time now.
Heโs known you for 6 years now and even in the beginning he was able to tell that you had some underlying issues tied to your work ethics specifically.ย
What had begun as quiet admiration for your ambition and will to work hard and succeed didnโt take long to morph into worry whenever he saw you study until exhaustion, pulling one allnighter after the other. Sometimes he couldnโt tell whether blood or coffee was primarily coursing though your veins, with the way you chugged one Americano after the other to sustain your absurd lifestyle. Either way, you were too jittery by default for him to come to a solid conclusion.ย
Still, in the back of his mind he always kept thinking that it wasnโt normal how much you obsessed over your work and how badly you stressed yourself out over achievements and academics. Pacing for countless hours in your room, surely trying to figure whatโs wrong with you if your google history was anything to go by; crying yourself to sleep whenever you had tears to spare; hurting yourself when you didnโt have any because of the sheer numbness and resignation that were accumulating within you - all these symptoms were worrisome, to put it mildly. But all that disappeared once you got your fix, just for everything to start anew in the next semester. And now you perpetuated this cycle by applying those distructive habits to your work and even escalating them in the form of alcohol abuse.
He never addressed the fact that he was indeed aware of your hyper-fixation on success and your clear need to do everything in your power to achieve it, mainly because it didnโt make sense to do so in his mind. Countless strained discussions between the two of you have shown that you were the type of person that needed to experience a burn first hand for the lesson to stick (and that wasnโt even guaranteed), so he figured that he just had to wait and support you until you inevitably wore yourself out. He just never wouldโve thought that it would take six years for that to happen.ย
Needless to say, he was truly amazed by your year-long resistence to the way you were torturing your own mind, but now it was time to rest. Heโs always known that you were the strongest person heโs ever had the honour of knowing, yet your strength was paradoxically also creating a blind spot in your psyche that let a special kind of fragility to fester.
One that heโs always been meant to mend to perfectly match his own.
โDonโt worry, my Ana, Iโll help you feel like before. Just rest for nowโฆ You trust me, donโt you?โ
