My friend convinced me to post the first part to this video...
｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ▽இﾟ)ﾟ｡
When I first heard this song, I thought a lot of the lyrics really matched what I think off when I write Harlequin. Could be way off of course! Won't know till I get to play and experience more of him as a character. I realllly just love the characters in The Freak Circus as a whole and hope you all like this as well. (シ_ _)シ
There hadn't been enough time to wash off all the blood.
It had taken Harlequin and him longer than expected to track them all down, but he wasn't about to let a single one of them walk away unscathed.
He wouldn't have been satisfied otherwise.
They had all laughed at you.
Mocked you.
Wished for your suffering .
Humans are not kind, Pierrot.
They enjoy pain.
They take pleasure in hurting each other.
But, that wasn't true.
At least…not when it came to you.
You were different.
You were so kind and gentle.
You worried for someone like him.
Worried for that Harlequin .
Worried for the other members you had even yet to meet.
WHY THEN?
He'd accept every vile word they wished to hurl at him. Allow them to scream until their throats gave out, beat him until they were thoroughly and utterly satisfied and he was nothing but a broken blood soaked husk.
But not you.
NEVER YOU .
He wouldn't allow you to know such pain.
Even if it meant breaking every rule set in place by Jester.
Rules that Pierrot understood the importance of, he did.
Only, when it came to you, those rules went straight off the high wire with no net. Just you, awaiting him at the bottom.
That didn't mean he wanted to cause trouble for the other members, of course.
Even if one of those said members was Harlequin…
It's about that time, isn't it? He had drawled, voice dripping in keen amusement as Pierrot continued to squirm with every passing second and minute that followed. There was no real question, only smug satisfaction that they were running late. That Pierrot was running late.
Say, I'm getting rather thirsty.
What time was it that cafe closed?
I think it closes early some days…
What day are we on? Oh, right.
Hm, lets seeee, what time is it now?
Oh, what a shame, looks like they'll be closing soon. We'd probably never make it.
They should be locking up right about now, huh?~
His baiting and goading continued all throughout. It was because of Harlequin, that Pierrot had lost focus.
The last human, the one they had savored for last, had wounded him .
Spilling Pierrot's blood in a feeble and weak attempt at salvation.
The wound was nothing in the grand scheme of things. He'd suffered much worse.
But you wouldn't like that.
That sorrowful look you wore when he was injured, it was beautiful, so achingly beautiful.
That you would care so deeply for his well being, to feel angered and upset on his behalf…
It stirred something in him, something ravenous , something he struggled to leash, but the pain in your eyes–
No.
He couldn't.
He refused.
So for your sake, he was careful.
He wouldn't allow anyone but you to touch him.
….
Is what he wished to say, yet these things continued to happen.
Pierrot was no masochist by any means.
Unless, you wanted him to be, of course.
He merely found himself distracted.
This was true even before that fateful day, but now, his thoughts were entirely plagued by you.
You were smiling when you left this morning, what were you thinking of?
How could he get you to smile at him like that?
You seemed happy with the chocolate he had given you…maybe you'd enjoy one of his pastries?
That night, in the tent with Harlequin, Pierrot had noticed the way your eyes seemed to gleam at the sight of the candy apple.
Did you like it that much?...
Would you accept one from him?
He imagined your bright smile upon receiving such a gift from him.
You, accepting his unspoken confession, coated in sugary crimson. Your teeth sinking into its glossy shell, lips painted red, cheeks flushed as you looked back at him so alluringly sweet.
How could he possibly NOT find himself distracted by you?
Now wasn't the time to be lost in such fantasies, however.
He cursed a mountain of profanities against himself, for letting that Harlequin get into his head as he rushed towards the shut cafe after their small errand .
Harlequin could clean up, Pierrot just needed to get to you.
You'd been upset this morning thinking of him. Why?
While you hadn't given him a specific time, you were usually at home by now.
Would you think he had forgotten? Or worse, hadn't cared?
If he saw you now, the fabric of his arms and hands stained in blood, wouldn't he upset you more? More , that single thought was enough to send him spiraling.
Anxiety and panic seized at his being at the thought of you being unhappy with him. At the thought of him disappointing you.
Which choice would hurt you less? What choice would make you happy??
He didn't know.
He didn't know.
Didn't know.
ʍouʞ ʇ╻upᴉᗡ
Don't hate me. Don’t be mad. Don't look at me differently.
ǝʌɐǝʅ ʇ╻uoᗡ
He couldn't think clearly. Rounding the corner, he braced himself for the worst. Expecting to find the building in darkness with you nowhere in sight, only to stop all at once seeing the soft glow coming from within.
You hadn't left.
You were still there.
Waiting.
All the noise in his head went silent as a smile, too far stretched and wide spread across his maul.
Twisted unbidden joy filled his entire system, because you had waited for him.
Pierrot felt his feet leave the ground with each and every step taken. Your affection for him sending him on a high he'd never experienced before as he reached the door.
Which was–
Yes! Unlocked! Just for him!
Pierrot paused.
He'd need to advise you against doing such acts in the future. Even if you knew he would come, he couldn't allow you to endanger your safety like that.
However, just for now, he'd allow you this as he pushed the door gently open. Not wanting to startle you.
My star~
My dearest~
My–
“ – — — —”
The sound of your quiet humming filled the space…but something was off .
All at once he found himself plummeting.
Sorrow clung to the sound. Your shoulders sagged, your form tired as the mop in your hands dragged in a monotonous rhythm.
Why???
Your back was to him. You hadn't yet noticed his presence. Hadn't heard the sound of the doors chime, stuck in your gray swirling thoughts.
Pierrot's breathing became uneven, as the worst scenarios began to cycle through his mind as he took a silent step towards you.
Someone had hurt you .
He wasn't there.
He had been trying to protect you, but he'd left you vulnerable.
You..failed…
You failed THEM!
I can fix it! He assured, begged , his thoughts to silence themselves.
Once again he found himself unraveling, his gaze wild, anger suffocating his senses as he continued to take slow shaky steps towards you.
Was it that boss?? Had he yelled at you? You were late this morning…had he berated you? Threatened to fire you?
His teeth scraped together at the last thought, a silent snarl threatening to spill out as an image of that human from this morning, reaching for you, played itself out once more in his head. Only, instead of that man, it was your boss.
Had it been another rude customer? Had someone spoken to you cruelly??
Like that woman he had… assist him for his performance…
He would find them .
He would have you tell him who they were and he would find them and hunt them down.
Just like those men .
His bloodied arm came into focus then, just shy of touching your shoulder, before another thought struck him.
Unless…it was him.
You turned then, perhaps sensing the sudden shift, or because you'd heard the moment his breath hitched at the idea of all this being, his fault .
He hadn't meant to scare you.
The last thing he wanted was for you to look at him exactly the way you were looking at him now.
You let out a small shout and he immediately retracted his gloved hand as you jumped back in fright.
He tried to make himself small, concern rushing to fill in the cracks of madness that had been there just moments before. Your startled gasp snapping him out of everything all at once.
He moved to step back, but you slipped. The floor was still wet from your half-hearted work, so before you could hurt yourself, Pierrot lunged towards you.
“ I'm sorry .” He breathed, his voice suddenly by your ear. He'd caught you, of course he had. Before gravity could claim you, an arm shot around your waist, the other on the small of your back as he pressed your body firmly against his. His grip both protective and possessive.
“I didn't mean to scare you, my dearest. I just…” His voice trailed off, guilt and fear gnawing at his insides as your body felt stiff in his hold.
“...Pierrot?” You relaxed, as if only realizing whose arms you were in.
He smiled gently down to you, as he carefully guided you upright.
“That's right. It's only me.” He assured, watching with much relief as you smiled back at him. Happy it seemed to see him. “Are you alright?”
“Y-Yeah, I just…” You take a moment to catch your breath, “Seriously, how do you sneak up on people like that?”
His smile quickly turned apologetic as he placed a comforting hand against your cheek.
“That truly wasn't my intention, My lady…”
You chuckled sheepishly, seeing just how heavy he seemed to take your words to heart. “I'm just teasing, Pierrot. I know, you didn't mean to scare me.”
You took his hand in yours, intending to put some distance between the two of you, much to his reluctance. Still Pierrot felt his heart stutter at your hand atop his, only to grit back a sharp hiss as your other hand pressed into the wounded arm that held you.
Taking note of his reaction, you paused, brows questionably furrowing as you took a proper look at the arm that held you. He tried to pull back, but you had already seen it. It was hard to tell at first glance, considering the Pierrot's outfit was mostly red and black. The blood on him also had dried, but very evidently on his forearm was the clear evidence of his injury.
“You're hurt!” Came your outburst, with Pierrot making out the clear worry and sadness in your tone.
“It's nothing at all dear, it's but a scratch.” He tried to calm you, tried to move his arm away from your view. “A work related–”
“Sit!”
So, he sat. Startled by the commanding tone in your voice, not that he disliked it. You could order him to roll over and he would do so in a heart beat for you, it was that expression you were wearing now that he didn't like.
You left him for a moment to get your bag from behind the counter, pulling out a first aid kid that Pierrot knew was for his sake. A thought he all but enjoyed at first, that you were thinking of him, that you had him in your thoughts, but now the sight of it made him feel miserable.
The two of you were silent as Pierrot allowed you to do as you wished. His thoughts berating himself all the while whenever he glanced over at your upset expression.
“...I can't believe you.” You let out an incredulous huff, breaking the silence between you both. “Asking me, am I okay?, when you're the one bleeding from your arm.”
He wanted to say “ Of course, because your well being is of much greater importance.” ...but that would have upset you much more.
He thought of also trying to assure you how this really was , just a flesh wound, but his first attempt at that didn't seem to go over so well with you. You likely thought Pierrot was merely trying to downplay his injury and that would only serve to upset you more .
So, Pierrot merely bowed his head down.
“I'm sorry.” He said with such a forlorn expression to him, the sight reminiscent of a dog who'd been left out in the rain, hurt and desperate for your forgiveness.
You sighed, the frustration in your tone softening at the display before you.
“No, I'm sorry. That came out harsh. It's not your fault. I just– ” you stop yourself, pressing your lips into a thin line as you think better of what you had planned to say next.
He straightens himself up. Looking at you expectantly as he can tell there is more you'd like to say.
“Did something happen today, My lady?”
You hesitate, before shaking your head. Instead changing the topic much to his disappointment that you will not confide in him.
“...You said this was work related?”
“Yes.” He doesn't hesitate in his response, as you look properly at the wound once clean. He uses sharp daggers for his performance, so he isn't concerned over this looking odd to you. It also isn't a lie , per say.
“..You weren't attacked, were you?”
The question caused Pierrot to tense. He doesn't react any more than this, he hadn't meant for you to see right through him. But, before he can question what it was that gave his lie away. Before he could question if you somehow knew what he had actually been up to. Your gaze shifts away from his, a more troubled expression etching its way onto your features.
“They didn't do this to you…did they?”
His eyes widen, as he realizes what it is you might be alluding too.
“Are you concerned over what happened this morning?”
“A little bit…” You admitted, wrapping the wound up as you tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. “To be honest, I kinda had a rough day.”
His gaze sharpened, tilting his head slightly as he urged you to go on. His pupils slowly contracting until they were nothing but tiny dots, shaking with such heated intensity as he absorbed the information you relayed back to him.
“I'm used to dealing with angry and rude people. That's just customer service at this point.” You scoffed, shrugging your shoulders a bit before letting them droop. “But, today was different. It's like people were purposefully going out of their way to hurt me.”
Hurt?
“Not physically, of course. But, it felt like a personal attack, and it wasn't just one or two people. It’s like everyone in the town who came in here today had some personal vendetta against me?” You sighed, visibly frustrated as you recalled every minor interaction with the public today.
Attack?? Everyone???
“They were treating me differently. Talking down to me, and muttering things under their breath, as if I couldn't hear what they were actually saying.” You rolled your eyes, tying the gauze down until you were sure it was properly secured. Pierrot's head sank as the conversation began to blur.
Pierrot's thoughts seized. Coming back to the present. Coming back to you .
You, gently holding his arm in between your hands, fingers softly tracing circles along the top of his now bandaged arm.
“Harlequin and you get treated like this everyday. Except, you have it much worse. And that…” The muscles in your face drew tight, before softening as they looked back to him. “I'm just worried about you.”
You…
Both hands flew up to shield his face from your dazzling warmth, his heart fluttering fierce in his chest.
He heard your soft laughter after a couple of moments, seeming to find joy in his flushed appearance.
“Really, though, Pierrot…No one hurt you right? This was just a work accident?...”
“...My job can be a bit tricky is all, my dearest.” He smiled at you, shyly peeking through his spindle fingers as he expertly deflected part of your question. “I assure you, I've never felt better. And with such an angel caring for my wellbeing, I couldn't be any happier.” He expressed, reveling in the way your cheeks seemed to pinken at the comment, embarrassingly glancing away.
“I'm not…” You tried to say, but he wouldn't have it. You'd proven yourself time and time again to be exactly that, a light to his never-ending dark.
Of course, no matter how vividly you may shine, there would always be others who wished to extinguish you.
Even if you said their words had no effect on you, Pierrot could tell they had left their shadows in you.
He couldn't have that .
It was a problem. One he'd have to see how to navigate, but it was difficult for him to focus on these things when you bit the bottom of your lip in such a manner…
“You say things like that a lot…”
“Say what?” He blinked, trying his best not to stare. To keep the soft and gentle smile you loved to see on him when he was absolutely dying in every which way for you.
“ My Dearest, My Angel, My Star, My Lady…” You listed off the terms of endearment he'd said before, not including the ones he'd only ever thought to himself, shifting in your seat with sudden….discomfort?
“Does…this bother you?” He carefully asked, suddenly hyper focused on the body language you were displaying.
“I…guess? I just…want to know if– Do you..” A muffled whine rumbled behind your lips, clearly frustrated with yourself as you pinched the bridge of your nose before exhaling softly as you decided to continue. “...Do you really mean that?”
Pierrot blanked, trying to process the question, coupled with your demeanor and the soft shy look you were directing at him . Surely, he was… somehow …minsconstruing…
“ I meannn, is that how you talk to everyone? I know your whole “act” is to be silent, but you obviously talk to other people. You said before…there were exceptions , but is that also part of the act? Am I just...Are we.... friends ? or… do you… like …”
You cut yourself off, standing abruptly, as you couldn't seem to look at him now. Shifting the materials you had used to bandage and clean his arm hastily back into the kit.
“N-Nevermind, that was dumb! Forget I said anything! Today's been really stressful and IIII'm clearly not thinking straight.” You laughed, with no real mirth behind it as you tried to move away. Back behind the counter, where it would stand in between you both, In the way.
Pierrot didn’t allow this of you. He’d allow you many things, but not this.
In one fluid step, he was behind you. Your back flush against his chest as he pulled you back by the wrist, his other hand anchored down at your hip, holding you with an undeniable firmness. The kit slipping from your hands and scattering across the floor in your shock.
“I believe… there’s been a misunderstanding , My Lady .” His voice is once again by your ear, except much more intimately spoken than before.
Though it's just the two of you in this closed cafe, he still finds the need to bend his head low, and quietly speak for your ears alone. Especially now.
“Pier–” Your lips stumble for his name, only to let out a trembling sound as his breath tickles your ear.
“I said, I made an exception when it came to You .” He clarifies, resting his chin against your shoulder, taking great note in the way your body continues to shudder against his when he speaks into your ear in this manner. “Outside of the other members, there is no one else.”
He eyes your neck momentarily, his teeth aching to bite, as he finds you disappointed with even this fact. Were you as greedy as he for your attention? It was likely a misread on his part. His thoughts were scattered, too excited by this development from you to focus.
“My only “act” is to stay silent. I made an exception when it came to you , and you alone.” He reiterated this fact, the hand encircled around your wrist slowly and gently making its way up to your hand, threading his fingers through yours. “My behavior with you otherwise is every bit genuine.”
“Because..?”
“Yes.” He answers, in a heartbeat. Not allowing you to ask in full. Because, whether you understood which answer to the question that was, it mattered not.
Your friendship, your love, your entire being.
Anything you were willing to offer, he’d take it.
It would never be enough.
But, he would make it enough.
Even if…
“...Prove it…” You muttered the words so quietly under your breath, that Pierrot was almost sure that his delusions were playing up at that moment. So, when he made no moves, you turned expectantly to face him. You hadn’t stepped away yet. Hadn’t pulled your hand from his, if anything, you seemed to be leaning closer.
The hand still pressed into your hip twitched, the other faintly tightening around yours, as if to reaffirm this was truly–
“ Well ?”
“W-Well???” He jumped, aware that you were expecting… something . He searched your face desperately for answers, not wanting to assume, but no matter how he looked at you…
You gave the Pierrot a pout. Did you think he was teasing? Should he tease you?
Yes .
Slowly, quite deliberately, and perhaps with just a bit of initial hesitancy, he lifted your hand to his mouth. He holds your raptured attention on him, before lovingly peppering the back of your palm with the lightest of kisses.
He hears the slow and sharp intake of your breath. Were you surprised? Was this sufficient? He hoped not. He desperately hoped not, as he only wished to do so much more with you. He brushed a kiss to each one of your fingers, lingering with each kiss placed, his touch tender. Hoping that while you wished for more of him, that each touch and kiss left on your body tonight would convey just how beloved you were to him.
And there would be many.
He kissed the inside of your palm, working his way down to your wrist, resisting at every point down along your arm to bite and mark .
“P-Pierrot?” You uttered his name so beautifully , the syllables shaking, as every kiss sent your pulse racing the higher up he climbed.
He paused just at the curve of your arm, turning his hungered gaze to you.
“Shall I stop here?” He didn't want to stop.
He leashed the desire for you tightly back into place, waiting for your command. “..Have I made my adoration for you clear? Or.. should I offer you more ?”
The smile on his face faltered then, his own breathing becoming uneven, as he looked at you with such feverish intensity at the thought of you wanting more .
You swallowed hard, chest tightening under the weight of his heated gaze. He followed your line of sight, watched as your lips faintly parted, enticing him to claim you.
But, even he , wished to hear you say it with your own words. He released your arm, his hand brushing against your jaw, as he tilts your face towards him, his lips hovering near yours. Waiting.
“Tell me, My Lady.”
As you prepared to speak, to voice what he yearned to hear come from that intoxicating mouth of yours, the sound of the doors chime rang through the Cafe.
With a strength Pierrot wasn't even aware you were capable off, he was shoved behind you.
“S-SORRY!! WE'RE–”
“ Oh? Was I interrupting?~ ”
Pierrot gripped the table he'd used to catch himself. A protesting ceak coming from the wood, as he stiffly turned to the familiar dead voice.
“Harlequin…” You sighed, relieved it sounded that it had only been him, taking a moment to calm the hammering in your chest, that he caused , before taking on a firmer tone. “You both can't be in here. We're closed, I could get in trouble– Well, more trouble if my boss found out.”
“ Interesting . Is that shame or disappointment I hear in that sweet little voice?” He hummed, making his way closer to the two of you. Ignoring your comment.
“No, I think the word you're looking for is Exasperation….Irritation… Aggravation .” You list out your feelings, sighing at his antics with no real bite to your words, much to Pierrot's displeasure and Harlequins delight.
“You wound me, madam. Have you not thought to ask why I might be here so late?” You roll your eyes at him, kneeling down to collect the first aid kit that had been…forgotten.
“No, but please, do enlighten me.”
“I was worried.” He said, the words spoken so uncharacteristically soft that Pierrot himself questioned if he'd heard that right. Which seemed to give you pause.
“You…were worried about me?”
“You've not left my thoughts since we parted ways this morning.” He quietly admitted, not a shred of levity to his voice as he knelt carefully beside you, collecting the mixed items from the floor with you.
Pierrot remained frozen in place, at how easily he was able to admit to you such things. At how warm and affectionate the words sounded.
Harlequin caught Pierrot's gaze, when he was sure you weren't looking, and it was then, that Pierrot saw the unmistakable glint in his eyes. A sly and practiced smile, as he held your hands in his, pulling you up from the floor once everything had been neatly gathered.
“After all, you looked positively pathetic this morning and after the whole ordeal you endured, I couldn't help but worry over my newest and most cherished friend ~.”
There was a brittle crack of wood somewhere in the room.
You leveled Harlequin with a deadpan expression, about to respond in kind when something caught your eye. “Harlequin…are you…bleeding??”
The two men stiffened, as the Harlequin followed your gaze, his smile merely sharpening at the sight of crimson on his suit. Whether he was amused or annoyed by the sight, he said nothing, silently removing his hands from yours as you moved to inspect him further.
“H-Hold on! I've still got–”
Before you could reach for him, Pierrot all but close lined Harlequin, putting as much distance between him and you as possible. Leading the Harlequin back with his arm around his neck, towards the exit, half way out its doors.
“Pierrot?!” You exclaimed, confused by the sudden action.
A rough cough tumbled out of Harlequin, followed by a breathless sounding chuckle at the ‘attack’. He quickly gathered his footing and gripped Pierrot's injured arm eliciting a wince from the taller one as he prevented himself from being pushed out the doors.
“Alright, Alright…no need to get excited now.” He snickered, between just the two of them, before turning to address you. “It's alright Madam, the Pierrot is just beside himself in worry now. He's adamant we head back to the circus grounds it seems.”
“But–”
“We have a doctor there who sees to our well-being. No need to worry your pretty little head.” He smiled through the strain of Pierrot's grip around him, amused by his jealousy.
At the mention of a doctor, you seem to relax just a bit, looking to Pierrot for confirmation. Who was currently playing out different scenarios in his mind, with Harlequin as the star of each one. All of them growing more brutal than the last the longer he lingered by the doors.
“ Ooookay .” You questioned their strange relationship once again, but relented after much hesitancy. The injury on Pierrot and now Harlequin weighing heavy for you. “Just…be careful on your way back.”
At the sound of your unease, Pierrot offers you a kind smile. Assuring you that everything would be alright. He'd be making sure of it.
“Heh,” Harlequin somewhat chucked, amused by your care. “No need to fret over me my dear. This isn't even my blood…”
“What?” You blinked, tilting your head at what you thought you'd heard, only for Pierrot to hurl Harlequin and himself out.
He would have liked to have given you a proper goodbye. He especially would have liked to have continued where you left off. But, there was always next time.
He'd been patient thus far.
He could be patient just a while more.
“So sweet and delicious that one.” Harlequin cooed, his eyes fixed on the cafe as it grew smaller in view, effortlessly dodging the knives he knew had been coming. A menacing grin making its way to his features as he looked at Pierrots, vibrating with such anger.
“So easily ruffled, you are.” He mocked on, not bothering with a follow up attack of his own. “I've no intention of eating our little human, I can assure you. …yet…”
Another missed swipe of his daggers.
“But are you sure you're alright with leaving them like this? Alone… late at night…walking these dark streets allll by their lonesome?”
A flurry of strikes are made in response, a couple of them grazing the Harlequins suit this time, who only hisses out a hearty laugh in response.
“What? Worried about showing me their little abode? What does that matter? You're planning on taking them tonight, aren't you?”
Pierrot stilled, dagger short of meeting with that cocky grin he wished would just shut up .
But…
Yes.
He’d considered this.
It was the only way he could ensure your safety. Especially after today.
The thought of what you’d endured while he’d been away from your side still made his insides burn. He could feel it devouring him from the inside out, relentless and insatiable, and until your safety was absolute, he’d never be free of this visceral hatred.
Safety that could never be guaranteed if you stayed among those monsters .
He’d wanted to take things slowly. Had wanted you to come to him, to choose him.
And, you did!
A thought that still sent delirious shivers of joy into his system as he replayed the moment in his mind's eye. Every glance, touch and plea for his attention...
Prove it, you said.
Yes. He still needed to show you.
Even if he was sure you would fight him on this. He would do what needed to be done. To keep you safe. To keep you from harm. Beyond reach of those who meant to treat you with the same cruelty they had always shown to them.
He would be your shield, your cage, if necessary. Your Everything.
And he would remain patient through it all, until you were sure to see that this was all for you . Not because he wanted to possess you, although the thought was tempting beyond any shred of sanity inside of him.
No, it was because you deserved to be safe.
Deserved to live free from those who would dare clip your wings.
Because you had chosen him.
And YOU would never regret this.
A/N:
I mainly tried to keep this chapter from Pierrots Perspective. What he see's, notices, feels. And, my brain is absolutely fried. Being a Yandere is like a never ending rollarcoaster of emotions (๑﹏๑//)
Half way through this, I also thought, Maybe I should write a small Harlequin POV chapter...Only to immediatly yell at myself once I was writing him in, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???
Perhaps that's also just me failing with the writing....
I love Pierrot though honest!
This is overall me just saying, I tried my absolute best with the characters. Lets all go to circus. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
Characters in the fic are by the lovely @nekoboydreams
All of this started because of a joke I made. Something simple, just a bit of humor about my own work, but it ended up being interpreted in ways I never imagined.
I’ve received a lot of messages some kind and I truly appreciate them, but also others that were harsh, and honestly, they hurt me. I’ve tried to respond carefully, but it’s painful to see my words constantly distorted, as if every answer I give is taken out of context and turned into something I never said.
Because of this, I’m going to take a break from asks for a while, especially on this topic. If aggressive messages keep coming, I’ll have to disable anonymous asks, because I realize this space needs to be healthier for both me and all of you.
I know how much you care about Pierrot and I care about him too, deeply. I just hope we can remember that behind the character, there’s also a person trying to share something they love. Aggression should never come from a joke.
The internet today unfortunately does not have the culture and open-mindedness of what it did even as much as ten years ago. I won't say its inherently worse but neither would I call it better since what we consider cultural 'progress' is a layered and complex thing. However, I can say with certainty that there is a huge lack of empathy and open-mindedness when it comes to interpreting other people's intentions, humor, and meaning behind their words.
It's all too common for people to assume malice and mistreatment rather than remember that we're all human and more often then not don't mean anything bad by what we say. I have to assume this is exactly what's going on-- someone misinterpreted your words, your joke, your humor, and has taken it upon themselves either directly or indirectly to use that interpretation as an excuse to be a rude, inconsiderate person and possibly even encouraged others in their social circles to do the same.
That can be hard to handle for anyone, but you especially Neko are not trained nor have experience with handling an audience this large-- I know you didn't expect nor inherently asked for an entire fandom to build up around your game or characters. You are just one person and, like anyone else, you deserve to live your life to create and enjoy your art however you please without the fear of being demeaned or bullied by those who think its morally right or something. I am so sorry that you're going through this, especially since I imagine there is far more going on then what you've posted here. Privacy is a very valued thing to me as is someone's ability to have a safe place for themselves to create and consume art and entertainment (fiction and fandom especially), and nobody should be allowed to take that from you.
Unfortunately you cannot control when someone chooses to take and distort your words and your answers. The best you can do for yourself right now that I suggest is to turn off your anonymous messages and block the anons as best as you can. Don't even try to reason with them or try to explain yourself any further-- you do not have to defend yourself to people who will not give you the decency, dignity and right to realize that there could have been something as simple as a communication issue. You have fans across three or four languages that I've seen, and that alone can be incredibly stressful for you to try and handle by yourself. If someone wants to ask a question, they can still do so without issue-- and if someone is afraid of asking on their main blog, it is exceptionally easy to make an 'anonymous' blog for themselves. Do not put the weight of burden on yourself-- you are the creator, but that does not mean you are obligated to take every question and to make yourself available for everyone.
If anyone reading this can do the smallest favor for me, then it would be to take this moment to remember that you are human and so is everyone else on the internet. If you go through life and avoid falling into the mindset of 'bad faith takes' every time something upsets or confuses you, then you may find your internet and general social experience to be so much less stressful and so much more healthy for yourself and those around you.
It costs nothing to be kind, patient, and considerate of others.
A little comic this time! Since it’s only two pages, I managed to put it together in my free time the next short stories I’ll leave for the Patreons to vote on!
A while ago, I came across a beautiful piece of art on Tumblr, and it reminded me that you don’t really know what’s going on inside Pierrot’s head, haha. So I wanted to show just a glimpse of it this time, from the perspective of the very first day. Nothing too big, but I hope you enjoy it!
Let’s just say their past isn’t exactly pleasant as you can probably imagine.
And here’s the artwork that inspired this little idea by @ytkydg
And also, thank you so much for all the support! I didn’t expect the plushie goal to be reached and in just one day! I saw so many kind comments and reblogs helping out, and that was especially moving. Thank you, everyone!
Me: man I’d love to write some chase kink with Pierrot or Harlequin, perhaps them together with the reader
My brain: No, write polycircus action
Me: Wait—
So anyway in addition to being the resident biggest Pierrot/MC/Harlequin shipper I am now going to drag you all into shipping the MC with the whole Freak Circus with me
The logic I’m running with is that the reader knows that the boys aren’t human, but doesn’t *know* what they actually are and had been taken in after a mixup with a pink ticket before Pierrot could switch it out properly. At first they were something of a stray, but now the reader is the beloved little circus pet :3c so uhhhhh have this WIP
You didn’t… expect them to entertain your request. Not really. While there had been plenty of jokes about them hunting you down for sport, never once had that line of humor pressed into genuine curiosity— it would have remained as such in your own mind if it wasn’t for Harlequin’s verbal barbs one particular evening, teasing you into complete honesty.
“With how frightfully skittish you act around us, dear one,” he had said in a tone so low and dangerous it left your stomach flipping, “one of these nights we might accidentally mistake you for prey.”
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t mind that.”
The words are instant, unfiltered and out of your mouth before you can think to stop them. It wouldn’t be the first time you’d discussed… personal proclivities with them, but each previous time had been gently shrouded in euphemism and humor so that you could easily jump away from the topic at the earliest sign of judgement or embarrassment. It’s a dance of words and desires that each of the performers seem to be terrifyingly adept in— it was a matter of time before something like this would slip out.
And at first you’re not sure how they take it. The air is thick and still in the wake of your admission, as if time itself had frozen solid and left each of the boys to their own silent reaction.
Harlequin and Pierrot sit nearest you and are the most obvious in their sudden and heavy attention, but you can’t shake the feeling of Jester’s gaze from somewhere else unseen nor the stillness of Doctor and Ticket Taker from where they’d been discussing finances and scheduling for the next several months of the season.
All of them have gone eerily quiet.
You know they all heard you clearly— though the details of their biology and true shapes are still a mystery to you (a mystery you never want to force an answer for), they’re still not human. You are acutely aware that their senses are far, far sharper than what should be possible; hearing a whisper across a crowded room or the softest change of your scent when using a different perfume or body spray.
It hadn't been long since the circus had arrived in town.
You'd thought most people who had issues with them would have moved on by now, instead their hate for the members continued to fester.
That wasn't to say that everyone in town disliked them. You, for one, had come to like the members. At least, the two you had gotten to know.
One a bit more than the other.
An image of Pierrot pops into your head then, bringing a smile to your face as you prepare for the work day ahead.
You check everything twice, ensuring that the place is locked up tight, and that you aren't forgetting anything, before making your way out of the apartment.
Before meeting Pierrot, you had always been the type to carry a bandage or two around. You weren’t accident prone or anything, but it was good to have a couple or two on you in case of emergencies. Lately though, it felt as if you were carrying a whole first aid kit in your bag.
The number of times Pierrot found you, bleeding, with a scrape or two was starting to become concerning. You would have chucked it up to this particular Pierrot being very…clumsy. If you hadn't seen first hand the abuse some people thought they could get away with.
It was maddening.
But even more so, it made you sad.
Pierrot didn't seem to be bothered one way or the other about it. In fact he seemed nothing if not genuinely happy in your presence. So, you tried your best to smile and comfort him whenever he came to you.
And you did genuinely find yourself smiling whenever Pierrot was around.
But, maybe, you weren't as subtle about your feelings as you'd hoped. You began to see Pierrot less and less.
After your first encounter, it felt as if he were making an effort to come and see you everyday. At first, he would meet with you three times a day. Then two…now it seemed like you were down to one visit per day…
And, that surprisingly bothered you more than you liked. Among other things…
Initially, you thought his absence may have been work related. Maybe he had simply moved onto the next person.
He'd already gotten you to visit the circus once afterall, even though he had said you were an exception in getting to hear him speak, the more logical, sometimes disparaging part of your thoughts, told you otherwise.
It's just a gimmick.
A ‘shared secret’ that makes a person feel special when they hear something like that.
Something to lure you in. Get you to come see them and spend more money.
Sorta like how they say a staff on a cruise might be a bit extra flirtatious, and give a person extra attention, so that you’ll spend or tip more.
Not that you’d ever been on a cruise…but the principal was there. You worked in customer service. You knew the game. It wasn’t anything malicious on Pierrot's part either, it was a two way service. Everybody gets something out of it.
You had another sneaking suspicion however, that it wasn’t because of that. It wasn’t because he had gotten what he wanted from you and had simply moved onto the next customer.
Instead, you couldn't help but think that he was trying his best to look more presentable in front of you. Because he’d caught you looking upset each time you had to dress a new wound.
OR, maybe you just don’t want to face the reality that you weren’t that special to begin with.
You’d rather believe that he’s taking care of himself before coming to see you so that you won’t be sad. You’d rather believe he’d notice something so subtle in you rather than face the reality that you’re just another customer.
You come to a slow crawl in your walking.
Why am I…even carrying this first aid? You think, a sick feeling curling in your stomach.
It’s not like he had come to you for any of that stuff as of late.
Because he's looking after himself. He doesn't want to make me sad. You assure, only to hear another voice in the back of your mind.
Because there's someone else.
Your chest feels tight…
You’re so lost in your thoughts, that you don’t notice a gloved hand carefully lift your chin up, until his face is so close to yours. You blink in a panic out of your reverie as Harlequins voice, like a growl wrapped in silk, reaches your ears.
“What a delicious expression you have on you. Care to whisper your troubles to me, madam?~”
You feel a shiver run up along your body, before quickly putting some distance between you two, trying to hide your face from view. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing how embarrassingly red your face has gotten.
Judging from the amused chuckle that leaves him, you’re sure it's to no avail.
Were you THAT lost in your thoughts of Pierrot that you seriously hadn’t noticed him, a breath away from…
“Don’t…scare me like that.” You manage to stutter out. Heart still frantically trying to sort itself out.
He tilts his head at your words. A sharp and amused smile, ever prevalent.
“Is that the face you make when something scares you?” He questions, not allowing your heart the reprieve as he moves back towards you.
Through his glove you feel something sharp touch the side of your face. Not quite like human nails, more…animalistic. He drags a singular claw against your cheek as you avert your gaze from the intensity of his.
“It makes me wonder…how much prettier you'd look writhing for a different reason.” His grin sharpened, not missing the reaction of your body turning stiff at the connotation of what he was suggesting. “Would you tremble? Would you continue to look away from me like-so?”
You huffed, pushing the hand that had seized your face to look at him.
“I don’t have time for your nonsense Harlequin. I have a job to get too, in case you forgot.”
He chuckled at your pushback, before theatrically stepping aside for you.
“By all means, madam. Right this way, please~”
“I know where I'm going” You shot back, moving right past him. Your steps clipped and walk brisk.
He hummed, undeterred with your irritated tone as he easily followed suit.
Curse his long legs!
“I meant no offense, m’am. On the contrary, you looked rather lost. Pathetically sad looking at best.” He mocked, voice dripping in amusement.
“I wasn't. I was just…thinking to myself.” You decided, not about to admit to Harlequin of all people that you had been sad about–
“About that Pierrot?”
HOW?!
Were you actually that easy to read???
You round back at him, startled that he'd been able to pinpoint what had you so upset. Only to realize that he'd merely been joking. If his confused demeanor was anything to go by. At your utter guffaw, he spills out into unbidden laughter.
If he didn't know before, he certainly knew now.
Stupid!
You're about to continue on, ignore him and his stupid laughter, thoroughly having embarrassed yourself enough for one morning, before you catch the hushed whispers from some of the people about.
“That poor girl..”
“He just keeps following her…”
“What if….next victim?”
“Someone should call…”
“Those damned freaks.”
…
You turn to face Harlequin. The action catching him by surprise, as his jeering laughter dies down. Clearly not having expected this of you.
“Okay, laugh it up. Yes, I was thinking about Pierrot, you got me.” You playfully sigh, preparing yourself for the mockery to come for admitting this to him.
Instead he stares at you, smile stiff, his eyes filter about before landing back towards you.
“...Did you not have to rush off to work, madam?”
You noncommittally shrug.
“I have a few more minutes. Besides, we're friends, right?
The smile on his face seems to twitch at the words.
It did sound weird once the words left your mouth. But you wanted to make it clear to everyone watching or eavesdropping.
Harlequin and Pierrot…
Neither of them, or any of the circus members for that matter were monsters.
They were people just like everyone else. Just here to do a job.
You could understand why people were scared, with all the recent missing cases in the town. But blaming the circus members for every disappearance? It was just blind hatred at this point.
In fact, once you got to know them and talk with them, they were pretty cute.
…
Well, maybe just Pierrot. Harlequin was his own breed of…something.
But, as much as he annoyed you and liked to push at your buttons, you couldn't say you disliked him.
Heavily.
At the very least neither he and especially Pierrot deserved the abuse.
“Ooh?” Harlequin's voice questioned, unconvinced but very much amused at being called your friend. “Then seeing as we're such good friends, care to confide your feelings to this Harlequin?”
“...My feelings?”
“That Pierrot…has he scared you? Do you hate him? Do you find yourself disgusted in some way~”
“...Why do you sound happy asking me that?” You question, expression deadpan, not at all understanding these two and their strange relationship. Questioning once again if the two of them were really friends.
“Sorry if this sounds “disappointing” to you. But, I don't hate Pierrot.” You sigh, watching his mirthful expression dim but remain curiously on you. Sensing their being more you'd like to say.
You debate to yourself for a moment, before a thought comes to you as you look him up and down.
He purrs at the action.
“See something you like, madam?”
“Harlequin, are you hurt at all today?”
“...Pardon?”
“Are you hurt at all?” You ask again, carrying on with your line of questioning. “I never see you banged up or anything. Not that I want too. But, do you ever get hurt passing flyers around town? Pierrot always…”
Harlequin seems to understand then. What you're asking, and chuckles almost to himself. It doesn't sound like his usual mocking laughter, but it's also not one out of amusement.
“Disgusting…”
“What?” You tilt your head, stepping back closer to him. Unable to catch his response.
“I said, unlike that Pierrot, I've got much faster reflexes.” He smiles, “you won't catch me looking quite so pitiful~”
You pout, annoyed on Pierrot's behalf, then with a deliberate slow hand, you raise your palm up.
Harlequin looks questionably at the universal gesture of a high five, half suspicious and half amused.
“...Do you wish to congratulate me, ma'am?”
You don't answer. Merely keep your hand in place, waiting for him.
When you continue to say nothing, he chuckles, seemingly amused by your antics once more as he raises a hand to meet with yours.
Just as his palm is about to make contact, you swerve, tapping at his chest with a small and very satisfying flick.
“Huh,” You mockingly grinned, “Someone who was just bragging about having fast reflexes looks awfully pitiful to me.”
He stills, more confused than offended, before your words seem to sink in.
His Cheshire-like smile broadens.
“Cheeky little thing, aren't we?”
You triumphantly stick your tongue out but before you can follow his response up with a quip. Before you have time to notice just how long you've been standing there talking to this Harlequin. You hear a loud man's irritated voice ring through the air. Everything before is garbled but you can make out one word very clearly
“– FREAK”
You glare towards the voice, so close towards the two of you that it's pretty clear who they're directing their hatred towards.
Except it's you.
You don't have time to react before something is thrown at you. You freeze, and only have time to shield your face before–
There's an arm that comes around you. You're pulled in towards Harlequin who covers your head behind his cape, your body tucked against his.
What?
“So, you were –” Harlequin sighs, after a long silent beat. His words sounding muffled enshrouded behind his cape. Nothing hit you.
Nothing hit Harlequin.
You hear the unmistakable sound of a bell.
You quickly lift your head up from Harlequin to find Pierrot shielding both you and Harlequin from what looked like an explosion of food and liquid. But, Pierrot is clearly more bothered with Harlequins arms around you.
“What? Would you have preferred I'd let her get hit?” He grins, making no immediate moves to remove his arms from you. Enjoying the figurative daggers being stabbed into him.
“Pierrot!”
At the sound of your voice and full attention his expression quickly lifts into a gleeful smile, before turning to mild concern, seeing the worried expression on your face.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” You pull away from Harlequin much to his chagrin, fussing over Pierrot who merely blushes at your rapt attention.
“No need to worry, ma'am. Our Pierrot is quite a magnet for trash. Attracted to its kind, perhaps?” Harlequin jeered, a smirk tugging at his lips as Pierrot turned back to him with clear annoyance. “That's just to say that this isn't anything new.”
You find yourself trembling at those words, the anger only boiling over as you hear the sound of laughter, loud and sharp. Completely devoid of any remorse, the sound grating on your ears.
“Dude, you totally missed!”
“Did I?” The man from before snorts. “Pretty sure I nailed it. Whether I hit one freak or the other.”
"Fucking deserved man."
“Anybodys who's actually buddy buddy with those monsters can rot in hell with the lot of them”
“Seriously, whatever those devils minions are actually doing with those missing girls, she fucking deserves. She's just asking for it, man.”
“That's nothing new.”
The group of men erupt out in laughter, as if they'd just told the best joke in history. Their cruel and mocking laughter begins to echo down the street, as they begin to walk away, congratulating the other on a job well done.
Before either Pierrot or Harlequin could question your actions, too busy it seemed at each other's throats, you reach for a piece of trash, having fallen off Pierrot, and chuck it at the man who'd thrown the bag of trash to begin with.
A smug, wicked, but utterly satisfied smirk curls against the sides of your mouth, as the dirty food hits the man straight to the back of the head
Your companions freeze, as do the man's. Seemingly shocked at what you've just done.
“What?? I thought it was funny. Aren't we laughing?” You theatrically shrug, taking a book out of Harlequin as you look at the group.
“You little bitch.” The main perpetrator turns, jaw tight, shoulders squared. His fists clench beside him as he stalks his way back over to you, each step faster than the last. Ignoring his friends trying to reel him back to them.
The air around you seems to shift after those words leave his mouth. You think it's the clear fear and panic you feel heavy against your chest. As the taller and aggressive man quickly approaches.
He's just trying to intimidate you.
Don't back down.
He doesn't get to say shit like that and just walk away. Not to you. Not to the men behind you. Not to anyone.
So, you don't back down. You stand your ground and meet his glare head on. Sharp defiance in your gaze as you will your body not to show fear.
Don't give him the satisfaction.
The man raises a threatening fist.
Don't–
A hand comes up behind your eyes just as you swear you see him reach for you.
You flinch at the sudden contact, only relaxing at the sound of jingling bells near your ear.
“Pierrot??” You question, feeling as if everything had gone eerily silent.
His body trembles against yours as he presses you closer against it. Hand still over your eyes, the other holding the side of your arm.
…Was he scared? He was much taller than the man coming at you, more intimidatingly so. But, being taller didn't necessarily equal pro-fighter.
You fail to hear the sharp inhale of breath from the man approaching. Too distracted over Pierrot's actions to process it.
There's the sound of shuffling going on. Footsteps, urgent and uneven hitting against the ground. The rustle of clothes as someone shifts? Backs up? Maybe stumbles??
Harlequin's beside you both.
In front of you?
You hear him say something. But it's so quiet that you're not quite able to make out the words. His tone sounded venomous, with only a thin veil of amusement still prevalent behind the words.
The soft rhythmic jingles from Pierrot's costume rise in contrast as he continues to tremble faintly against you. The metallic melody somehow helps calm your frayed nerves as you remain unsure as to what's happening. Or maybe it's just Pierrot's presence alone.
“Hey…” You open your mouth to speak, voice small and unsure, but before you can question it all, Pierrots turned your face up towards him. Allowing you your sight back. He looks down at you with that sweet smile, carved into his mask, or perhaps it was his face. He was so close and you still couldn't really tell.
His hand cradles your chin, as his thumb delicately brushes against your cheek, being mindful of the claws on his glove. It's all done in such a loving gesture, but with unmistakable intent.
Only me.
Look ONLY at Me.
You hear more scrambling. Followed by the sound of heavy footsteps, pounding away against the floor.
“Outta the fucking way! Get out of the FUCKING way!”
You hear loud and very clear panic, followed by multiple footsteps following suit.
It's only when the first man's cries are farther from you, that Pierrot's grip softens. Allowing you to catch the tail end figures of the group running off.
You look at Harlequin, who indeed was standing in front of you. His expression is…unreadable as he stares after the man. Only switching back to its usual mischievous grin once his eyes catch yours.
“I threatened to call the police if he dare lay a hand on you, madam.” He answers your unanswered question. “It's one thing to throw trash, it's another to assault a fair lady such as yourself~”
Seriously?
You doubt that's the full story. Then again, it wasn't hard to imagine that puffed up chest deflate at the sight of these two. Like Harlequin said, it was one thing to throw trash at someone. It was another thing to expect a confrontation.
Harlequin takes your hand in his, only to immediately have it snatched by Pierrot. His whole body vibrating once again, this time for a different reason. Obviously unhappy with Harlequins actions.
“Heh, I was simply checking she was alright. No need to get so worked up again Pierrot.” He chuckled, hand over his mouth, as he seemed all too pleased with himself.
You roll your eyes at the two, before focusing on Pierrot, looking over his dirtied outfit.
“Are you alright, though?”
He stops, quickly nodding along to your question, as he puts your hand against his chest.
“...You're touched over my concern?” You smile back at him, wondering how someone who was meant to be so silent could be so expressive even when he said nothing.
He swoons, that you can understand him so well. That you're so concerned over his well being. That–
“Madam, aren't you usually at work right about this time?”
You gasp, realization kicking in as you look at the watch on your wrist. You were okay with being just a little bit late. This was a whole lot late!
“I gotta go!” You rush past the two, snatching your hand away from Pierrot, only to rush right back as you remember something. Grabbing onto his wrist, missing the way he shivers at you touching him.
“I wanna see you again.” You blurt out, not really thinking about the meaning or connotations. “Later today, can we? After work?”
Pierrot stares wide-eyed, dumb struck. Starstruck. All kinds of struck as he figuratively melts like putty in your hands.
You watch him keel over, gripping at his chest as if he's just been shot through the heart.
“I– I'm going to take that as a yes?” You hesitantly release his wrist, as he shakily offers you a thumbs up.
You let out a breathy laugh, waving to him and Harlequin as you make a mad dash towards the Cafe.
It's only once you're out of earshot, and away from view that Harlequin speaks up again.
“...I didn't think you could be any more pathetic.”
Pierrot's hands are instantly pulling at his collar.
“Ah, ah, ah.” He wags a teasing finger. “We're still under the public eye, my dear Pierrot. You can save all those naughty little things you've been itching to say to me after we've dealt with our little…problem.”
Pierrot stills at the reminder of those men. That man. How he'd tried to sully you.
How he'd tried to hurt you.
He's shaking again. Unbridled hatred coursing through him. The grip on Harlequin tightening in response.
A strained chuckle escapes Harlequin, strained from the pressure on his collar but amused nonetheless at the fury burning from the other.
“...I believe it's THEM you're looking to kill? Not myself.” A pause, “Well, I suppose that's not true. But we can always save our little dance for after we've dealt with them. Yes?”
Pierrot eyes Harlequin suspiciously.
“Why indeed.” He murmurs, as if answering the question Pierrot was most wondering. “Would you rather this get back to Jester? I certainly don't care one way or the other…it would just speed along our plans of leaving the town, but I doubt you'd be happy with that decision.”
Pierrot releases him. Irritated.
“Oh, don't give me that look, Pierrot.” Harlequin coos, mockingly sweet. “I'm doing this just as much for you as I am for myself.”
His eyes narrow in response. Not quite believing Harlequin, but accepting that for the most part, he, for all intents and purposes did intend to help.
Harlequin laughed, the sound chilling and far from his usual teasing cadence.
“Hard to believe, I know, but I’m genuinely angry.”
Pierrot didn't like this. His want and need to keep you safe. To keep you away from him. To keep you all to himself. He was losing himself. He was losing patience with every passing second he wasn't by your side.
You were his.
You were his to shield.
His to watch over.
His to hold.
He would deal with them first.
Those men. That disgusting excuse of a human, who tried to come at you.
He'd show them TRUE hell.
Everyone and anything would come after.
So, just wait for me, My Lady~ ♡
A/N: Posted this story on A03 , and as I said there. This is my first time writing something in this type of perspective. But I'm very much in love with this visual novel and the characters that have been created by @nekoboydreams , so I decided to give it my best!
