thoughts

do good recklessly

[moments-passed]

I’ll never tell anyone but god I want someone to take care of me instead of being so hyper-independent all the time. I want to feel soft and loved.

[moments-passed]

I have never been in a romantic relationship. People tell me "don't worry about it. You haven't experienced the pain of heartbreak. Consider yourself lucky." I hate it. It's as if my pain, the heartbreak that I have felt isn't enough. I have never been pursued. Do you know the kind of pain and insecurities that causes a teenager? It's the same insecurities that follow you for a lifetime. What was so wrong with me that no one ever showed any interest? Something so wrong that I was only ever asked out as a joke. God forbid I liked someone because it was like an insult to them and I was seen as insane by friends. being told by my best friend that she could just never see me in a relationship. I am seen as unlovable. not enough. So after a while I refused to even let myself have crushes. I pushed them away like if I were to let the thought even cross my mind for a second time that I would get burned. Maybe I would have. So now that I am 29 years old and I have still never been in a relationship it's hard. Especially since I like my coworker and I can't push it away. I have tried so hard but it's as if he's scarred his way into my brain. He's so kind to me. We have the most random things in common that I have never had in common with anyone. It feels surreal. Sometimes I catch him looking at me or maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me. Why after all this time would a man want me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. If he feels it too. But I also don't. What if he does and then he changes his mind because of my inexperience? My uncertainty? I wouldn't be mad at him. I just wish I knew what I was doing. I never got the teenage love. I never got the young adult love. I am one year away from 30 and maybe I am just destined to be alone. If I am, I wish the universe would take away this longing for someone. It hurts too much.

[moments-passed]

having a crush is the worst because how am I supposed to know if he actually feels the same way in the slightest or if he’s just nice and feels sorry for me

[moments-passed]

Seeing the way that guys look at other girls when one has never even glanced my way is just so saddening.

Why can’t it be me just once

[moments-passed]

I feel like I’m never going to be able to feel loved by anyone

[landsccape]

[moments-passed]

Waking up from a dream of being loved by someone feels surreal because the dream itself felt so real. No amount of trying to continue the dream works. I just want to go back.

[headinthecloudsagain-deactivate]

bitches really create an entire fantasy world with fake family inside their head because they wanna simulate the feeling of being loved and cared for unconditionally🙄

…it’s me. i’m bitches.

[b0ttl3d-up-st4rs]

I think growing up both not having any close friends during certain times and also having toxic friends at other times is a big reason why I'm so stuck in my head, and why I have trouble feeling fully connected to friends now. I've always been a daydreamer, and I daydreamed a lot when I didn't have friends as a child. I still daydream a lot. I feel closer with fictional characters than with other people, and I find solace within myself and my mind as its feels like the only one that fully understands me.

[tired-angell]

I’m tired of feeling like a burden.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough.

I’m tired of not being good enough.

[loverz-r-us]

I want to be loved so badly. It scares me. It scares me how deeply I wish to be wanted. It scares me because I cannot see it. I cannot see a possibility or a way that someone could choose to love me. I want to be chosen. In the back of this car, I want to be known. I want someone to know me. Every essence. Every crinkle in my face. Every bit of warmth. Every bit of sorrow. Know me. And still, love me.

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[moments-passed]

I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I belong anywhere. Until someone makes me their first priority, I think I’ll always feel second or not even an option to be considered. It’s because I’m not considered until I ask for it and then I’m selfish? I just want someone to want me. It’s embarrassing but I think I’d do anything to feel that for once in my life. It’s so stupid.

[f85o-deactivated20230618]

[dilemind]

manifesting a calm antisocial bf who only cares about me

[maviyenot]

[anxietyproblem]

By relatabledoodles