Moming Up

Pregnant and due any day I am waiting patiently to meet my daughter face to face for the first time. With the support of my wonderful friends and family I hope I can raise her the way she deserves.

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Confused

I wish my feelings would remain on one track or another.

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Baby farts are just the funniest sound ever.

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Two weeks of motherhood and some things are just starting to sink in.

1: Because I chose to breast feed I will never go anywhere alone. (Atleast foe the first year.)

2: I am suddenly a rise and shiner rather than a sleep all nighter. 

3: I am completely and totally wrapped around the tiniest fingers.

4: The love of my life wasn't quite what I expected.

5: I am the happiest person on the face of the earth.

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Back!

So it finally happened! My darling baby girl arrived in the outside world December 23rd. 2013

I apologize for the delayed announcement  (Assuming anyone is reading). Getting settled in, especially with all of the visitors, has been a task.

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Baby Elyza's side of the room. :)

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An Update

So the appointment went well. Because of the upcoming weather forcast, the head gyno at my hospitial decided it was acceptable to set an induction date.

We will arrive at the hospital late Sunday evening  to begin a process to help my cervix efface and start then the induction Monday morning.

Only, of course, if I do not go into labor beforehand. Which would be ideal but with the luck I have seems unlikely.

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I'm tired of being tired.

Mothers everywhere

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Just Some Thoughts

Today is my 40 week prenatal appointment. 

Even as easy as the pregnancy has been on me, at this point I am overloaded with exhaustion and anticipation. Between the extra weight I am carrying around (Minus baby) and the cold I have, I'm boarder line miserable. Something I swore I wouldn't say.

I've looked forward to each of my appointments since the beginning. Not that I enjoy the cold goo or the invasive probing. Hearing news about my baby girl each week is thrilling in a way I can't exactly explain. And at this point I'm DYING to hear that I will be seeing her soon.

Can any woman out there tell me how they held on past their due date? (At the risk of seeming dramatic.) It seems emotionally AND physically impossible. 

You might be surprised how a first time mother might be SO willing and ready to brave child birth. 

If any other first time mothers out there read this and are still freaking out about the thought of the process. Trust me, I get it. Early pregnancy brought nightmares of bloody awful scenes that had me terrified of the inevitable. But just remember. Child birth has been happening since the beginning of time, and will continue to happen until the end. If something were to go wrong there are options, drugs, and methods to help you get though. Do some research and prepare yourself as much as possible. It pays to be as knowledgeable as you can on the situation. And even though you may not have all of that on your mind while in active labor, it should at least put your mind at ease until the big day.

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What I keep telling myself this week ...

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SO MUCH YES

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Has anyone else ever?

So I've been fighting a cold for the past week. Which is aweful for me because I hardly ever get sick so I really don't know how to handle it when I am. I'm not that big on medicines and since I'm pregnant I'm really too paranoid to take anything.

This morning I woke up coughing. Finally, some of the nasty chest mucus came up and when I spit it out it was bright red. I panicked immediately thinking I must be hacking up a lung or ruptured something.

Now I know this might seem like an over the top reaction but being pregnant for the first time just about anything abnormal rattles my cage.

I ran to rince my mouth out when I caught a glimps of myself in the bathroom mirror. My tongue was bright red too. That's when I remembered falling asleep with a halls in my cheek. I felt more relief than you can imagine and even some slight embarrassment.

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A Bit of a Rant

Watching "A Baby Story" always gets me super emotional. Is it wrong to be so frustrated that Elyza isn't here yet? My due date is two days away and though I try my best to keep my chin up, exhaustion and anticipation is wearing me down.

Breath and relax. I need what energy I can get for when I do finally go into labor.

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These sonagrams were taken of Elyza at around 20 weeks. The same day I found out I was having a girl. Most family members hoped for a boy but my closest of friends knew that I badly  wanted a daughter. (Can you imagine my excitement?) Though I know she has made many more developments since then, these are the only photos I have until she arrives.

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All women become like their mothers. That is her tragedy. No man does. That's his.

 -Oscar Wilde,The Importance of Being Earnest

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Pondering about Paternal

There was a point in time when I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. Not only being a mother, but choosing to be a single mother. However, as time has progressed, I have come to accept that, that will be the easiest decision I will ever have to make concerning my daughter's life and well being. 

Not many women, especially those around my age, make this decision. I hear, more often than not about 20 somethings' pregnant and begging the father to be with them. If that is your case, then stop. Please? Chances are if you have to act out to get his attention, then he does not want to be with you. And as I am sorry to state the unfortunate truth...you needed it.

However, just because the man doesn't want to be YOUR spouse, doesn't mean he doesn't or is incapable of being a good father. I do believe every man deserves a chance at being the father they should be. (Give or take a few exceptions)

I believe this because I know how a child can change someone's, particularly my, outlook on life. And when someone you haven't met yet can motivate, move, and touch your soul the way Elyza has mine, anyone is capable of change. 

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Read as I Grow.

At 39 weeks pregnant I have finally found something I...FEEL enough to blog about. Not necessarily the pregnancy (as that stage is nearly over) but my transformation altogether.

I love the life inside of me.  A baby girl that I have named Elyza Rae. Having her be a part of me wasn't a plan but rather (as some consider) a 'happy accident'. The responsibility fell into my lap at what would not be considered the best time. Being 20, and (both boyfriend and I) living with my mother was not exactly what I had imagined for myself.

Even so, as the 9 months have slipped by me and so much of our situations have changed I couldn't be more anxious for my daughter to arrive.

And now that I have given some idea of what my blog will include I do hope that whoever (if anyone) reads will understand that I am telling my story as it goes. Judge if you will, but this is my new life as it unfolds. 

Thank you. ~RAH