Monkey Chow

Boston to LA to New York City to Philadelphia. I make cheese plates. I drink wine. I read books. I don't share the covers. monkeychow1226 at gmail dot com. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-15132353-2']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[hershyscorner]

102 days at the mercy of grief and loss feels like 102 years and you have s— to show for it. You will not be physically healthier. You will not feel ‘wiser.’ You will not have ‘closure.’ You will not have 'perspective’ or 'resilience’ or 'a new sense of self.’ You WILL have solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe. And you’ll also realize that 102 days is nothing but a warm-up for things to come.

Patton Oswalt (via hershyscorner)

[monkeychow]

I’m spending the last week of my maternity leave on the couch with my daughter, A/C blasting, watching history happen at the DNC.  

We are with her.

(This world is breaking my heart and lighting it on fire at the same time.)

[monkeychow]

Happy publication day to my friend, Liz!  

 Add  The Unseen World to the top of your “must read” list.  It’s so, so good.

[tracywan]

[monkeychow]

"This place could be beautiful, right?"

[monkeychow]

Batter up! Home plate at Citizens Bank Park. ⚾️ (at Citizens Bank Park)

[onlytwitterpics]

[monkeychow]

Vacation Elise.

[monkeychow]

🎶Someday, someday, you'll blow us all away. 🎶

[thatsyourgold]

Accept that this experience taught you something you didn’t want to know. Accept that sorrow and strife are part of even a joyful life. Accept that it’s going to take a long time for you to get that monster out of your chest. Accept that someday what pains you now will surely pain you less.

Cheryl Strayed (via thatsyourgold)

Cheryl knows stuff.

(via live-to-the-point-of-tears)

[r0pliix]

Play this at my funeral

[joels-beard]

@valerina

[valerina]

nominate this for a grammy

[monkeychow]

Time of death: 7:53 pm, May 21, 2016.

[monkeychow]

Stripes and lemons. ❤️

[monkeychow]

Two Weeks

It’s been two weeks since Elise joined us in the outside world and, so far, the transition to mom of two and family of four has been much easier than I anticipated. I need to give a huge shout out to my MIL who has made it a point to stop by every afternoon to hold the baby and play with Patrick, my own mom who was here for our first five days home from the hospital forcing me to eat and drink and shower and nap, and Jason who is fortunate enough to have four weeks of parental leave. The extra help has made it possible for me to focus on taking care of myself and that, so far, is making a world of difference in my healing process. I feel good, I feel happy, and I feel relaxed.  

Patrick is a doting, affectionate, proud big brother. He comes home from school every day and the first thing he does is ask about his baby sister. He tells her, unprompted, that he he loves her. He is very gentle when he hugs and holds her. He asks “oh what’s wrong little girl?” when she cries. And he is anxious for her to grow up a little so they can play together. (Although I’m certain that once she is actually old enough to “play” with him he may be signing a different tune.)  I’m really proud of him.  He’s handling this major life change like a rockstar. I, however, miss the shit out of him and all the one on one time we used to have. 

I started watching Parenthood because I enjoy subjecting my new mom hormonal self to emotional terrorism. In between sobbing sessions with the Braverman family I’ve also started watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, caught up on GOT, Southern Charm, and Below Deck, and finished the second season of Happy Valley.  (I’ve also managed to watch myself sick of Action news and HGTV and I’ve only been home and in front of my own television for 11 days...)  

My sister received an email from one of our dad’s shortwave radio buddies and it contained an interview that he did a few years ago about his discovery of shortwave radios as a child. My heart stopped and I audibly gasped when I heard his voice coming through my laptop. It was like he was there in the room with me, telling me this incredible story that I had never heard before about something that he loved, something that brought him so much wonder and enjoyment, and I cried into my daughter’s sweet head as I nursed her on the couch.  The most bittersweet part of my father’s death is hearing from all the other people in his life who have opened themselves up to my family and have so generously shared stories about him with us. It’s been a real gift to get to know him though their eyes.  

And finally, here’s a little picture collage I made of some moments from the last two weeks: Patrick meeting Elise for the first time, Patrick holding her “by himself” for the first time, voting with my girl, and Elise this morning.  

Happy Friday, my friends!  

[monkeychow]

Meet our daughter (our daughter!), Elise Josephine. 

She was born Friday, April 22nd, at 10:12 in the morning, weighed in at 8 lbs, 6 oz, and is 20 3/4 inches tall.  

She is everything.  

[monkeychow]

Hello, hello, hello!  

Tomorrow I will be 38 weeks pregnant (9.5 months, 2 weeks from my due date for those not familiar with baby growing math). Physically, I feel pretty good. I mean, I feel big and achy and am slow moving but I can manage those things. Mentally, the last few weeks have been tough. I’m exhausted (quality sleep is hard to come by this late in the pregnancy game), I’m my patience for most other humans is pretty much non-exsistant, and I’m stressed out over all kinds of shit that actually doesn’t matter that much in the long run. 

Hamilton was fucking incredible. I am SO thankful I didn’t listen to the soundtrack before seeing it live because experiencing the story in person for the first time was... powerful. I had no idea what to expect or what was coming next and, I gotta tell you, I was not prepared for how emotional some of the scenes and songs would make me. I bawled my face off a few times and caught myself saying “wow” out loud more than once.  All this to say: Believe the hype, my friends. If you get the opportunity to see this very special and very important show then you should jump all over it. Wow.  (The baby loved the show too. I got non-stop kicks and wiggles throughout the entire performance. I’m going to miss those a lot.)

This season of Southern Charm looks like it’s going to be INCREDIBLE. However, what is this new cast (minus Ben) of Below Deck?! I’ll watch it because duh but I’m skeptical.  

Speaking of garbage shows: Catfish continues to bless us but I’m getting a little sick of the happy endings. I need more episodes that are just batshit insane with victims who apparently don’t know how google reverse image search works and non-apologetic people who are are stringing them along with multiple fake identities. The more shocking and bizarre the better, IMO. 

[monkeychow]

true crime podcast: today we have a story of murder and dismemberment

me, a sick fuck: 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

[monkeychow]

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ (at Richard Rodgers Theatre - Hamilton)

[monkeychow]

March

I can’t believe how quickly March has come and almost gone. I don’t normally like to rush time too much but I was happy to welcome spring this year. Weather aside, I am ready for the new beginnings, the re-births (and birth!), and all the other symbolic bullshit that comes with the longer days and change of season.  I have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks and months!

For starters, I’m going to see Hamilton next week and am so, so excited.  (But don’t worry, I promise not to become a “Hamilstan” or whatever we’re calling the fangirls and fanboys these days.)  I haven’t listened to the soundtrack yet because I want to experience it live for the first time. Only one more week to go!!!!  This will also be my last big outing before the baby is here. After that I’ll be staying close to home, hibernating, and nesting. Not a bad day to go out, huh? 

 We are currently planning my dad’s celebration of life and... it’s a strange thing to plan out this perfect party for someone who won’t actually be in attendance. Five months later and my grief, while not as consistently present, still feels as strong as ever.  I’ll be going about my day when suddenly I’m hit with an “oh my god my dad is dead” thought and I’m reminded how final and absolute death is. It breaks my heart (over again) when I think about how much he’s already missed and how much he will continue to miss. Life goes on and there isn’t always comfort in that. I had so many hopes for a relationship that no longer has a future.  

My last day of work is (planned for) April 15th. i’m hoping to have at least a few days off and to myself before the baby arrives.  I worked up until Patrick was born and I’m just not feeling that ambitious this time around. There are a lot things I plan on doing differently re: my maternity leave this time around and making sure I take time for myself and take care of myself is at the very tip top of the list. (Prepping for my leave and actually getting to the 15th, however, is causing me so much stress but I’m not going to talk about work here because nobody cares but OMG WORK COME ON JFC.)  

I need a creepy, can’t put it down, psychological thriller to read. Do you have any suggestions?  (Must not be written by a white dude.)  Thanks!