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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@monosexistnonsense
hi. i'm a disabled enby who needs top surgery but can't work. dysphoria is actively ruining my life & i could use your support.
ways to support me:
donate to my GFM: https://gofund.me/3d2e4ed4e
buy from my shop: https://freakshop-2.creator-spring.com
subscribe to my pod: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/misfitmedia/subscribe
i can also do random little things like digital drawing, mediocre audio/video editing, transcribing, doing some english/german translations.
please share 💜
monosexist lesbians: bi women shouldn't be in lesbian spaces
also monosexist lesbians: bi women hang out with lesbians all the time, if a bi woman doesn't feel comfortable being in lesbian spaces, she should work on that
or could it maybe be the mixed signals? the constantly being a debate topic? the being blamed for everything wrong with the queer community? and god forbid someone mentions the word sapphic because some of these monosexists are so insecure in their identity they think the term "sapphic space" is asking them to change their orientation...meanwhile bi people exist willingly or unwillingly in spaces that mislabel us all the time.
"calling gayness mono is like calling bi+ness gay or straight" what a gross and intentional misunderstanding of bi+ terminology, all while trying to liken it to bi+ erasure. if you don't know what a term means and can't be bothered to learn (because why bother with bi+ resources?), you don't get an opinion on it. but no, of course everything bi+ people say or do has got to be wrong somehow. if you're so offended by a term that encompasses the gay/straight binary, maybe that binary isn't for you, or maybe you're just scapegoating bi+ people yet again.
when a group of cis men shouted "dyke" at me from their car today, they didn't care about the possibility that i might be bi or otherwise not lesbian. they didn't care that i was walking with my male partner.
the idea that only lesbians get called dykes is wild.
that's giving bigots way too much credit in terms of understanding queerness.
trying to use the fact that bi+ people make up the largest group within the queer community as "proof" that we're privileged and that perisex, cisgender gay people aren't at the top of the queer hierarchy and the default of queerness is wild. it shows me you don't understand how oppression works. it's not about numbers. the only thing that this number of bi+ people tells us is that monosexism is very successful, as our community is still erased, underfunded, understudied.
i think this would have still happened even if i wasn't bi, if i wasn't attracted to women at all because it's ultimately about assumptions. it happens to all kinds of people who aren't lesbians, including some gnc nonqueer women, but it's still disproportionately targeted at visibly queer people who are women or female-assumed. it happens to nonbinary people, it happens to trans men, regardless of whether they're lesbians or have any attraction to women at all, because all they see is a queer person they somehow perceive as female and call us the according slurs. being called "dyke" is as much about gender (expression) as it is about attraction to women. (case in point: i've been called a dyke on a regular basis since i was like 15, years before i realised i'm also into women.)
people who genuinely think only lesbians get target by and can reclaim the word dyke are only showing how out of touch they are with other parts of the queer community.
trying to use the fact that bi+ people make up the largest group within the queer community as "proof" that we're privileged and that perisex, cisgender gay people aren't at the top of the queer hierarchy and the default of queerness is wild. it shows me you don't understand how oppression works. it's not about numbers. the only thing that this number of bi+ people tells us is that monosexism is very successful, as our community is still erased, underfunded, understudied.
i think this would have still happened even if i wasn't bi, if i wasn't attracted to women at all because it's ultimately about assumptions. it happens to all kinds of people who aren't lesbians, including some gnc nonqueer women, but it's still disproportionately targeted at visibly queer people who are women or female-assumed. it happens to nonbinary people, it happens to trans men, regardless of whether they're lesbians or have any attraction to women at all, because all they see is a queer person they somehow perceive as female and call us the according slurs. being called "dyke" is as much about gender (expression) as it is about attraction to women. (case in point: i've been called a dyke on a regular basis since i was like 15, years before i realised i'm also into women.)
trying to use the fact that bi+ people make up the largest group within the queer community as "proof" that we're privileged and that perisex, cisgender gay people aren't at the top of the queer hierarchy and the default of queerness is wild. it shows me you don't understand how oppression works. it's not about numbers. the only thing that this number of bi+ people tells us is that monosexism is very successful, as our community is still erased, underfunded, understudied.
bi woman: "i'm attracted to more than one gender, therefore i'm bi, but i'm not attracted to men."
monosexist lesbian: "akshually, there's already a word for not being attracted to men."
there's also already a word for being attracted to more than one gender, yet many people who are attracted to more than one gender identify as lesbian or gay rather than bi. it's almost like people get to choose what label works best for them.
ironically i see this directed a lot more at bi people than at gay people or even straight people though ("noooo, being attracted to a nonbinary person doesn't make you less straight, you don't have to use the dirty orientation label"). monosexist lesbians in particular hate it when bi people call themselves lesbians, but they also hate it when bi people don't call themselves lesbians. they accuse bi people of being binary in their attraction while thinking people who lack attraction to one of the binary genders aren't allowed to be bi. they get mad when people don't understand lesbianism is expansive, but refuse to understand that being bi doesn't have to include attraction to both men and women, and the minute a bi person is only attracted to one of these, it's seen as proof that they're "really gay/straight".
we should start congratulating all the "i'm not mono" gays for coming out as bi+ /j
not only have we made it to the annual "are bi+ people allowed at pride" discourse, we're also at the annual bi+ people tearing each other down/bi vs pan discourse. and the most ironic thing is
"pan is more inclusive than bi because it means attraction regardless of gender"
because not only are there a lot of bi people who describe their attraction in this way
but also i have seen a lot of people say they're attracted to people regardless of gender and actually meant "i don't care which of the two genders you are"
both bi and pan people have the potential to be exorsexist, to find the worst possible, most exclusionary definitions ever. but it doesn't mean that either identify is inherently better or worse.
i'm not gonna be ashamed of any part of my attraction. i don't want to be gay. i don't want to be straight. i love being bi+, and so should you. happy pride. 🩷💜💙
bi+ people really cannot win with anyone.
bi+ is a subset of gay
and
bi+ is completely separate from gay
and
bi+ gays don't exist
bi+ people in lesbian relationships this, bi+ people in gay relationships that
and
you cannot call your relationship lesbian/gay, that's appropriation
orientation is not a choice
and
bi+ people are making the wrong choice
gay and bi+ experiences are different
and
absolutely do not want to talk about bimisia
you're gay in denial
and
you're a straight trying to be special
bi is a nonbinary-exclusionary orientation
and
never acknowledges nonbinary bi people themselves
why are so many snowflake bi+ people offended by being called gay
and
why are so many entitled bi+ people calling themselves gay
bi+ people always want to be/are involved with all the genders they're attracted to
and
if they're only involved with one gender, they're not really bi+
bi+ people shouldn't share spaces with gay people and should just make their own ones
and
bi+ people don't need their own spaces because they can go everywhere
"bi means two, you can't call yourself bi if you're attracted to more than two genders"
and "logo" means "word" so you can never call the apple on the back of your iphone a logo again.
mybitakes has been getting a lot of harassment and says it sounds like you.
again, excuse me? i sent mybitakes an ask maybe a week ago asking for advice on how to deal with getting dogpiled for using the term mono and otherwise speaking out about monosexism. i did this on anon because it included some things i feel ashamed of happening to me and didn't want associated with me but there you go. ze left a completely normal, in depth and very helpful reply that didn't say anything about harassment.
so i just looked at mybitakes blog and it seems like the anon in question has a problem with the word mono/how bi+ people are using it and is trying to frame bi+ people as exorsexist for doing so. considering i use mono in the same way, it makes no sense that it's me? the only reason ze seems to think that is because ze doesn't like my tone (? idk what a smuccent is and i can't figure out, my ESL skills has reached its limits), which yeah, fair enough, people don't have to like how i write/talk, but we are literally in agreement about the terminology. i wouldn't even be surprised if the asker above is the same asker as on mybitakes. anyway i'm not playing a game where two bi people are pit against each other even though we are in agreement. the "bi people/bi theory are exorsexist" is something i have seen a LOT during this years' pre june discourse and i'm not having it. leave bi+ people alone.
mybitakes has been getting a lot of harassment and says it sounds like you.
again, excuse me? i sent mybitakes an ask maybe a week ago asking for advice on how to deal with getting dogpiled for using the term mono and otherwise speaking out about monosexism. i did this on anon because it included some things i feel ashamed of happening to me and didn't want associated with me but there you go. ze left a completely normal, in depth and very helpful reply that didn't say anything about harassment.
the annual pre-june bi discourse has so many "supportive" people go "i support bi+ people, but...", "bi+ people are valid, but..."
or people constantly describing things related to us as "straight".
ngl, it's getting to me this year.
often bi erasure is just that, but sometimes it also happens through other forms of oppression. then it can come from both outside and inside the community.
bi erasure through intersexism: "bi means attraction to both sexes", erases intersex bis and bis attracted to intersex people
bi erasure through exorsexism: "bi means attraction to both genders/bi is binary/bi means two", erases nonbinary bis and bis attracted to nonbinary people
bi erasure through cissexism: all of the previous statements also get weaponised against perisex, binary trans people when they get treated as separate from perisex cis men and women and thus excluded from these narrow definitions, erasing trans bis and bis attracted to trans people
bi erasure though allosexism: framing sexual and/or romantic attraction as a universal and essential part of bi-ness, erasing bis who don't experience sexual attraction, romantic attraction or both
etc.
mono people spreading misinformation about what bi means leads to more of us staying in the closet, and a lack of intersectionality within the community means sometimes the community is eating itself rather than finding strength in numbers.