What I don't think white people realize is that when you're not white you've been taking -1hp from poison damage your whole life & probably didn't even realize it until you were an adult. On like an interpersonal level, people who happen to be white just hate you for no discernible reason. And you start believing them cause you think like surely ALL OF THEM for as long as you can remember can't be wrong, right? So I'm the problem? I was born with something fundamentally wrong with me? & then you're like Wait. The racism.
Of course there's the more overt shit that happens and you go "ah, the racism" but there's also a lot more of just... not being treated the same as them. The people who self identify as racist and will tell you Blargh! I'm Racist! Are relatively few and far between compared to the ever looming omnipresent subconscious biases of white people who think that they're nice
And my "I was born with something fundamentally wrong with me" is also very much an Autism Thing. But I need you to understand that I still get this feeling of alienation from white autistic people. In a room full of people who act exactly like me, I'm still Different Than Them, and they still think I'm Worse for some inexplicable reason. Because they don't think they're racist, they just think I'm a bitch. There's a level of psychological torture here that, like... I want to say we should talk about more, but poc talk about this a lot, actually, and I just didn't think it would happen to Me :3 until the realization hit
