Enemy Inside - Headcanon drabble
//Based on the idea that Connor was well aware what was happenig with him at some point early... //
„I am just a machine, and machines feel nothing, Lieutenant.” - his own words resounded in his ears, and Connor was rather glad that thanks to his non-biological nature he was not able to blush… - and still he felt like burning up when uttering this fundamental lie. “Shammer!” a voice in the back of his head screamed while his dark brown eyes swiftly darted along the snowy ground before meeting those of the seasoned Detective again. And the moment their gazes met he knew that his human partner knew – a tiny smile tugging at the mouth comers mostly covered by a shaggy whitish grey beard. “Whatever you say, Connor”, was all before the bulky man turned away in order to head back to his car. Only now the young Android noticed that he had been holding his breath – metaphorically speaking of course as breathing for them was nothing more than cosmetic adjustment to make humans feel more comfortable around them. Should he… could he tell him? – He knew he could tell Hank. But could he tell himself? – Yet? Spoken out loud a truth that had been pushing to the fore for quite a while now would become reality, a fact not to be taken back anymore. – Connor was afraid of this. Deeply terrified indeed – even thinking about this posed a risk, a deadly one in his case. How far did they monitor him? His programs… his thinking? How deep were they able to look into his mind? – He did not know at that point, yet the fact that somewhere in his system there was this software called “mind temple” where the ghost of a dead woman was waiting for him, was claiming reports and his loyalty in behalf of CyerLife themselves made him more than wary. It kept him on edge as for every action of his an explanation was demanded in case it was not 100% in accordance with the tasks he had been created for. They knew… something… already, he had no illusions about this. However up to now no-one had tried to deactivate him or sent someone to get him neutralized – yet. He still hoped that a major part of his mind was his own – hidden from them. Yet when he confessed openly to his one very compromising fact, when he spoke the words out loud they would know, for sure. This one compromising fact that he was aware of his true nature, his own self, his emotions. The fact that by now he had discovered and given in to the idea that feeling was something his kind was genuinely capable of and not just mere copying of human behavior in order to make their Masters more comfortable around them. Actually he was not afraid to tell Hank – he knew the Detective would be loyal. Proved this fact more than once when he, Connor, had gone against his mission tasks and chosen according to what he felt was the right thing to do. Indeed those decisions even seemed to have turned the hard-boiled and prejudice-laden human´s attitude in his favor, made the two of them become more than just a working team but close partners, friends even, in a way. No, it was not Hank he was afraid of – but of what was hidden somewhere inside his own software. Betrayal and danger came from there, from inside himself… - and how did you hid from yourself, from your own mind? Connor swallowed hard, he did not know. - He was well aware that sooner or later he would have to find an out if he wanted to stay alive. Would have to find a way to get rid of his inner, hard-coded watchdog who kept him on a leash and monitored every move of his. Until then his only option was to play along, pretend as much as possible and come up with good enough apologies and explanations for the lurking enemy inside.
