Sorrows from the Twelfth House
Well, I have done it again. Started off strong on something I regard as important only to fall off. It feels less like falling off and more like a slow motion descent into a brief period of madness. People who struggle with the 12H might know what I mean.
For what this house lacks in visibility it makes up for in mystery. The mystery is your subconscious, of course. Introspection is a required if you want to access that planets power. You have to go deep, uncomfortably deep, if you want to grow from this place. The risk is losing yourself completely in the process.
My personal experience has been difficult. I started this blog as a way to climb out of the place I have been buried. It feels like I have made such great progress, although I still get stuck in the mud from time to time. I do not wish to be stuck like this forever.
My Leo Venus, Mercury and Chiron are here, in the muddy twelfth house. Leo is especially unhappy here. Since childhood, my inner world has been marked by the intense desire to be appreciated for who I am combined with the sharp fear of being misunderstood. I simultaneously feel like too much and not enough.
As I age, I am faced with the reality that my mother and maternal grandmother have failed themselves and failed their children. Two women, who in my youth, were everything to me. I was shocked and heartbroken to see that they both have a 12H Venus and 11H Sun - just like me. It feels like I can see how and where their life choices went wrong, and its because I am at the precipice of needing to make my own important life choices.
I am filled with a mix of resentment and resolve. Mostly resolve, because its clear I HAVE TO BREAK THE FUCKING CURSES. I have been shocked to find that through astrology, I am able visualize the trauma that they have passed down and recognize that it is because they chose the path of escapism, denial, addiction.
The 12H is not a pretty place, it requires you to pick apart the ugliness to make sense of it. It requires you to break and then heal yourself again and again and again. The healing part is never easy, self-doubt always tries to drag you back in, but you HAVE TO pull yourself up. You will be rewarded if you can.
Anyways, my 12H Mercury has temporarily robbed me of my normal voice and flow again. This post is part of me pulling myself up. Getting the words out of my head no matter how clumsy it feels. And if I fall back down, I will just have to try again tomorrow.
I would love to hear about other people experience here. What has the 12H taught you about yourself or the world?
romaincrisis
izzy806
titsay
turnnoffyourmind