Touch Your Insides to My Insides by Mira Gonzalez and Heiko Julien I am trying to create a tangible experience in your car and my hair is wet. It is 3 in the morning. We are at a gas station. You are thinking about distance and about wrinkles on our brains, how we are permanently encased between the width of our skulls. I think that I would like to push my head against your head for nine and a half years. Then you will understand something about my internal organs, how they felt confused and alone when I saw your face from the perspective of four thousand planets, when I woke up from a dream and promised I wouldn’t text you, when I felt an emotion as a placeholder and touched every inside part of you. I’m just trying to breathe over here. You know as well as I do what it’s like. You’re just not thinking about it right now. You’ve struggled to catch your breath. You’ve fallen off your bike before, probably. You’ve (probably) gasped, like during a movie, When someone said something really cool/rude/sexy. I am saying something. Am I saying something cool/rude (probably not sexy but im just flustered). Hey. I think we could still be ‘together’ even though we dont really 'like’ each other that much anymore. I think we could still 'do this’ for a while longer if we just established some 'ground rules’. I think we could stay 'together’ even though it doesnt really feel 'good’. I’m just trying to breathe over here. You know as well as I do what its like. You’re just not thinking about it right now. You’ve struggled to catch your breath. You’ve fallen off your bike before probably. You know how it feels when you swallow a pill and it becomes caught in your throat. You are holding me back, somehow, maybe not. At night you fall asleep with one arm on me. Your face is mostly plain. You know that love will never feel like being pushed off the edge of a cliff. Reading your emails I can feel something motionless at the base of my head. You are better than me because I don’t eat food anymore and you exercise sometimes. Mostly you are better because you hate me. If we just establish some 'ground rules’ I think we could stay 'together’ even though it doesn’t really feel 'good’.
