> choose now

you were thinking ahead to a future you must have known deep down would not include you.

[mooncursd]

greetsdeath​:

HE  DOESN’T  KNOW  WHY  he’d  expected  remus  to  actually  speak  the  truth  with  him…    then,    it  was  becoming  a  rather  common  stain  in  the  life  of  apparent  youth.    present  in  the  age  of  childhood,    hardly  a  child    /       SUCH  LUXURY  WAS  NOT  HIS  TO  TAKE.    timid  breath  released  in  manner  of  vexation    —    not  directed  to  remus  personally,    progressed  upon  the  notion  that  secrecy  was  formed  as  first  steps,    birthing  harsh  responses  and  boiling  frustrations.    question  mirrored  to  his  direction  instead,    and  harry’s  youthful  features  soften:    this  was  just  the  type  of  person  remus  was.    he  supposed,    if  maturity  would  allow  him  to  seek  beyond  self  doubt  and  sorrows,    he  too  would  have  circled  it  in  the  fashion  his  once  professor  presented.       ❛❛   i’m  fine,  ❜❜       mantra  repeated  despite  conflict  within,    words  almost  bitten;    sick  of  hearing  such  inquiries.    shallow  ideologies,    fearful  connotations  followed  in  every  moment.    deep,    he  buried  them,    you  must  keep  them  out  of  sight,    try  to  keep  it  out  of  mind.    regardless  of  that:    he  had  sought  some  sort  of  answer  regarding  safety  and  capability  towards  almost  fatherly  figure…    he  intended  to  continue  upon  that  path.

❛❛   really,    remus,  ❜❜       gentle  breath  embarked,    stern  gaze  punctured  forth,    but  cupping  sheer  concern,    love,    in  severe  expression.       ❛❛   can’t  you  just  talk  to  me,    at  least?    stop  worrying  about  the  fact  that  i  can’t  handle  it.    or  —    or  that  you  need  to  keep  these  things  in  to  protect  me.  ❜❜ sigh,    attempt  to  smile  went  awry,    tone  pressed  in  both  generosity  and  a  lace  of  aggression.       ❛❛   i  just  want  to  know  how  you’re  doing,    that’s  all.  ❜❜      

the VEXED sigh is equally familiar, though it reminds remus more of lily than james. were this another time and another person remus might have pointed out that the shot back response was exactly what harry was upset about coming from remus. he doesn’t, though. instead remus smiles tiredly at the young man across from him and tries to see him as that ; a young man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, not the baby remus had cooed at and bought little cardboard books for. it’s hard sometimes to not feel the heavy taste of GUILT on his tongue at the sight. remus should have been the secret keeper. remus should have known something was wrong. remus should have done SOMETHING to keep harry from his aunt and uncle, after, even after he was spurned through all legal measures.

“i know you can handle it,” he assures in a steady and quiet voice, “i do not doubt that in the slightest.” harry has borne more than anyone his age should have to ; remus’ worries would not be the tipping point of that weight. remus leans back in his chair and ignores the way his hip and knee protest at the motion and send creaking spikes of soreness up through his side, an unfortunate chronic ache that has set in especially hard in the past few months. "i’m tired,” he admits, “though who isn’t these days?”

@warsired​

[highaever-a-deactivated20211223]

𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙳𝙸𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙷𝙾𝚆𝙴'𝚂 𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚈. 𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙴 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙺 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳.    #𝙃𝙄𝙂𝙃𝘼𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍.

[waitingforthefireflies]

#me

[hayaomiyazaki]

WINTER LIGHT (1963) dir. Ingmar Bergman

[mooncursd]

@proditeur said ; ‘ i came to apologize . there … i did it . i apologized . ’

jaw is so tight his teeth ache and remus paces one quick line clean across the safehouse that has started to feel increasingly SMALL as the days wear on and the moon grows fuller in the sky outside the windows. the quick steps have carried him into the corner of the tight living space and he finds himself with little options on where to go that won’t bring him straight back over to regulus, which is not the ideal position at the moment.

it isn’t regulus’ fault, really. remus has been SHORT-TEMPERED himself and found small things that would normally float by without issue high irritating. in truth, remus can scarcely remember what the latest argument between the two of them has even been about. leaving something out? being in the way? none of it really matters but everything is magnified by the way remus wants little more than to run as far and fast as he can and there is something terrible about feeling CAGED that makes the sharp-toothed thing with his voice at the back of his mind snarl and snap. dumbledore must have a PLAN about the full moon - he cannot intend to let remus turn here, in this order safehouse where regulus and remus had been told to stay put after that truly EXPLOSIVE argument with sirius - but remus has not been made privy to these plans.

he’s woken up the past five nights with the image of regulus in shreds and the taste of iron thick in remus’ mouth. the lack of sleep likely isn’t helping the tension that hangs over the pair of them.

“ - thank you,” remus grits out to the wall before turning to face regulus. remus doesn’t move from where he is now planted in the corner of the room, between the small hearth and smaller still chair. “for apologizing.” fingers twitch fitfully at his sides and remus shoves his hands into the pockets of his worn-knee trousers, “i should be more - tolerant.”

[mooncursd]

@wlfcursed said ; “ when was the last time you ate something? “

a hand scrubs through his hair, snagging at a tangle in the curls that he promptly ignores. ought to pull a brush through his hair soon but it isn’t the most pressing matter at this moment. “i’m fine,” remus says offhand without even considering the question. it ticks by, though, and lips slant into a frown. it’s a FAIR QUESTION ; he has never outgrown his tendency to ignore warning cues from his body begging for basic things like hydration or nourishment. remus gives a rueful sort of smile and levers himself up out of the chair. 

“you won’t like the answer.” it’s surely no more comforting than I’M FINE but it brushes closer to honesty.

[littlelovelymemes]

(    *    & .    —    THE  GOOD  PLACE  SENTENCE  STARTERS   /  PART 2 .

‘  and  then  i  remembered …  i’m  a  naughty  bitch .  ’

‘  because  i  love  you …  i  think .  no ,  i’m  pretty  sure .  yeah ,  i  love  you .  ’

‘  birth  is  a  curse .   existence  is  a  prison .  ’

‘  girl ,  you  are  a  messy  bitch  who  loves  drama  and  i’m  into  it .  ’

‘  holy  motherforking  shirtballs .  ’

‘  i  am  revved  up  and  ready  to  learn .  my  brain  is  horny !  ’

‘  i  came  to  apologize .  there …  i  did  it .  i  apologized .  ’

‘  i  could  kill  them  right  now  and ,  you  know ,  that  would  be  easy .  ’

‘  i  could  never  get  close  to  anyone .  i  never  even  told  a  boyfriend  i  loved  him .  ’

‘  i  don’t  know  how  to  describe  it …  like ,  a  different  zone  of  time .  no ,  that  sounds  stupid .  a  different  clock  land .  ’

‘  i  don’t  know  how  to  tell  you  this ,  but  i’m  dying .  i  mean ,  we’re  all  dying ,  slowly .  when  you  think  about  it ,  we  started  dying  the  day  we  were  born .  ’

‘  i  don’t  know ,  man .  maybe  just  tell  her  that  you’re  gay .  ’

‘  i  don’t  need  you  to  respond  because  i  know  you  have  trouble  saying  how  you  feel .  ’

‘  i  feel  like  you  always  understand  about  20%  of  what’s  happening .  ’

‘  i  got  a  flu  virus  named  after  me  because  i  kissed  a  bat  on  a  dare .  ’

‘  i  just  have  some  worries ,  as  well  as  some  concerns  that  could  potentially  turn  into  outright  fears .  oh ,  there  they  go .  they  are  fears  now .  ’

‘  i  love  you .  and  i  don’t  need  you  to  respond  because  i  know  you  have  trouble  saying  how  you  feel .  ’

‘  i  was  a  good  person  for  six  months .  that’s  like  five  years .  ’

‘  i  wasn’t  worth  changing  for .  ’

‘  i  will  literally  see  you  all  in  hell .  ’

‘  in  the  words  of  my  actual  friends  :  ya  basic !  ’

‘  is  everything  okay ?  i  mean ,  other  than ,  you  know …  everything .  ’

‘  is  this  why  you  came  here ?  to  scold  me  on  the  metric  system ?  ’

‘  i’m  gonna  eat  all  this  chili …  and / or  die  trying .  do  you  want  any ?  ’

‘  i’m  gonna  miss  you ,  bud .  ’

‘  i’m  outtie ,  see  ya  in  hell !  ’

‘  i’ve  gained  a  lot  of  new  skills  recently .  for  example ,  i  learned  how  to  be  passive  aggressive .  totally  fine  that  you  guys  didn’t  notice .  ’

‘  love  isn’t  a  triangle ,  it’s  a  five  dimensional  blob .  ’

‘  more  guys  should  be  bi .  it’s  2018 .  it’s  like ,  get  over  yourselves !  ’

‘  none  of  your  exes  have  gotten  over  you .  ’

‘  oh no !  now  the  thing  i  said  after  we  kissed  will  always  be  ‘ hot  diggity  dog . ’  oh  well ,  it  was  an  honest  reaction  and  i  stand  by  that .  ’

‘  somehow ,  i  never  want  to  leave  you .  ’

‘  that  broke  me .  i’m  done .  ’

‘  that’s  not  a  present .  that’s  just  common  decency .  ’

‘  the  other  possible  medical  diagnosis  is  that  you’re  just  a  bit  of  a  dick .  ’

‘  their  bodies  are  made  very  poorly .  they’re  mostly  goo  and  juice .  you  just  take  the  juice  out  and  then  they’re  dead .  ’

‘  there’s  no  point  to  anything  and  you’re  just  gonna  die  so  do  whatever !  ’

‘  ugh ,  of  course  your  hugs  are  amazing .  ’

‘  wasn’t  he  banned  from  disney  world  for  biting  buzz  lightyear ?  ’

‘  what  a  creep .  why  was  i  friends  with  him ?  ’

‘  whatever  progress  i  have  made  it’s  because  you  and  i  have  become  friends .  ’

‘  whenever  anyone  tells  me  a  story  about  their  life  i  imagine  all  the  people  as  being  super  hot .  otherwise  i  quickly  lose  interest .  ’

‘  who  the  hell  is  this  chick ?  ’

‘  why  do  bad  things  always  happen  to  mediocre  people  who  are  lying  about  their  identity ?  ’

‘  why  is  it  every  time  a  new  thing  is  invented  humans  immediately  try  to  use  it  for  porn ?  ’

‘  yeah ,  i  love  you .  ugh ,  that’s  embarrassing .  i  feel  so  itchy .  ’

‘  you  are  too  selfish  to  ever  be  a  good  person .  ’

‘  you  got  it ,  you  piece  of ...  butt .  ’

‘  you  need  to  ghost  her .  disappear .  block  her  number .  bonus  :  anything  she  left  in  your  apartment  is  now  legally  yours .  ’

‘  you  are  brilliant ,  charming ,  obviously  gorgeous .  ’

‘  you’re  my  friend .  that’s  why  i  can’t  kill  you .  ’

[mooncursd]

proditeur​:

      “… Mhm,” he agrees in a hum and follows Remus towards the door. An odd place to loiter but somehow odder to be seen leaving together, yes? Or perhaps Regulus is too focused on appearances, too focused on meticulously-curating what others perceive of him.

      He notices the limping gait, however slight—but his eyes do not linger on it. Regulus Black is a person who notices things without allowing others to know that he has noticed; a collector of tiny details and unrelated information that might come in useful later on… for what, he doesn’t know.

      He tucks it into the back of his mind.

      “No, but I don’t imagine it’s particularly exciting.” They both pass through the bathroom doorway and Regulus’ hands find their way into his pockets, falling into step a half-beat in front of Remus, “Especially near the dungeons. No one wants to wander long around there past curfew.” 

remus is glad there’s no one in the hall - last thing he really wants is word that remus and regulus were spotted chatting getting back to sirius. it feels WRONG to keep something from his friends ; his friends, who know even remus’ worst secrets. his friends who have so steadfastly stood by him. remus knows even as he thinks that he should tell sirius that he and regulus have spoken that he WILL NOT. it would cause more problems then it would solve.

does that make him a bad friend? another question to add to the list. remus gives a one-shouldered shrug. “you don’t have to stick exactly to your route.” maybe that isn’t true. maybe remus is simply not the BEST prefect ; it’s easier to let himself not try to be PERFECT under cover of night when there is naught but the portraits and ghosts to see him.

well - and filch, but remus takes the map in order to avoid him.

“so you can see some more interesting sights so long as you’re able to convince the others not to turn you in.” the easiest way is simply never running into the other prefects. the SECOND is bribes, which remus has become very adept at. essay proofreading, candy, favors. he’s good for them all and the other prefects are largely aware of it.

[veinyhandsandcigarettes]

[ascission]

i. think about the scope of the universe - let your mind pan out into the ether. ii. accept that you are just a small speck in a cosmos of floating rocks and dust. iii. let yourself enter that cosmos, leaving only your dust behind. iv. listen only to the whir of light churning, to the slight squeaking of a planet turning on its axis.

ascission // an indie oc with original lore. written by bee.

[tobyregbofficial]

[mooncursd]

the way my general remus aesthetic isn’t Quite fanon but i’m too lazy to make my own edits

[mooncursd]

stagcharmed​:

❝  I’m not like him. and what sirius thinks it’s my fault.   ❞     but there’s a question that lurks on the back of his mind.  an absent thought that he can see why remus wouldn’t believe it.  maybe,  what sirius thinks is james’ fault.  he and sirius have always confided everything in eachother,  maybe james should have done more to dissuade him.  maybe it’s james’ fault, that sirius came to the conclusions he had.  maybe james put the ideas in his head, didn’t insist often and loudly enough how he trusted remus.  the thought prickles,  deep and uncomfortable.  he knew he trusted remus,  couldn’t imagine what would ever change his mind on that.  but he’d once thought sirius would always trust him too.  after everything they had all been through in school, why would he ever think remus would harm them.    ❝  well I’m glad I’ve filled you in then.  now you know I’ve always had your back    ❞    he rarely rises in disagreement against sirius,  but on this he’d made it a point.  shouldn’t that at least count for something. 

he wants to drag his hands down his face,  dig the heels of his palms into his eyes.  he thinks he could at least scream.  maybe,  if it were not remus here,  he would.  he wishes lily was here for this,  she might know what to say,  or at least she would understand how he felt,  how he didn’t know where to begin patching all these things up,  when it felt like he could barely keep his own life together.   this was the problem with this war,  it was too many things at once.  worrying about lily,  working for the other,  missing his parents,  the baby,  not knowing how to help his friends  -  feeling as if he had no right to complain the whole time.  at least he was alive,  at least his friends and lily were still alive.  how many others could say the same. 

so he sighs,  tries to keep a simmering anger in check.  it’s tempting,  to snap  - not that he ever wanted to be angry with his friends,  but anger was such an uncomplicated, easy emotion compared to all this.  it made more sense, than hurt and mistrust and guilt.  ❝   I’m sorry.  okay? I wish you didn’t have to do all that.  ❞     he  so  badly  wants  to  add  more  to  that.   but  you’re  not  the  only  one  who  has  a  lot  going  on.    he  holds  his  tongue,  for  now.   for  now  he  can  keep  irritation  in  check,  recognise  it’s  only  there  because  he’s  feeling  wrung  out,  and  exhausted,  and  because  he  doesn’t  know  how  to  respond  to  this  version  of  remus.   not  because  he  really  resents  remus  for  what  he’s  saying.   he  needs  to  sympathise,  he  needs  to  take  some  of  the  weight  off  remus’  shoulders.    ❝  people  know,  moony?  okay  -  they’re  just  scared.  they’ll  come  around  again   ❞

❝  I never accused you of anything.  I’m trying to tell you that. what do I have to do for you to believe me?  I  don’t  know  what  I  did  to  make  you  think  I  wouldn’t.   you  know  I  don’t  care  about  -  things  they  say  about  you.   your  furry  little  problem,  you  know  I’ve  never  cared .  ❞        he’s  tugging  at  a  loose  string  in  the  chair,  glad  for  the  relief  the  simple  action  gives him.  this  conversation  had  not  taken  the  direction  he  expected,  and  now  he  didn’t  know  how  to  get  it  back  on  track.   ❝  can’t  you  just  sit  down.  I’ll  make  you  tea,  you  can tell  me  about  the  mission.    ❞ 

OH, he wants to lash out. he wants to snarl and spit and skulk and somehow release this anger that has built in him over the past - the past several years. the past lifetime, really. it’s not james’ fault ; remus KNOWS that. “i never said it’s your fault,” he replies, voice taut in his throat and fingers still wrapped white-knuckle around the back of the chair. he wants to smoke - there’s a pack of muggle cigarettes in his jacket pocket that are TEMPTING, but it would feel wrong - the baby. the space behind his eyes is still white-hot and throbbing continually and remus finally lets go of the chair to pace across the kitchen and then back again, feeling for all the world like the CAGED ANIMAL he is. that’s what the problem is, isn’t it? sirius finally realizing he’s trusted a MONSTER for too long.

it stings. even the people remus thought wouldn’t care - the people who had PROMISED THEY DIDN’T - will turn. HE’S RIGHT, THOUGH, the insidious voice that rings too much like his own hisses through remus’ head, THEY’D BE SAFER IF YOU JUST WEREN’T AN ISSUE.

remus turns when he comes to the table and continues his pacing. a derisive and ANGRY sound - some cross between a snort and a scoff - leaves him and remus shakes his head. “i DON’T have to,” he replies while not facing james, “i could just fuck off, but then they’d all call me a DESERTER too.” and they’d be right, but remus is getting too near not being able to bite his tongue. WOULDN’T YOU FLEE? THE PEOPLE YOU BLEED FOR THINK YOU’RE A MONSTER ; THEY DON’T WANT TO HELP YOU OR THOSE LIKE YOU, NOT REALLY, NOT WHEN IT ISN’T CONVIENENT TO GETTING THINGS BACK TO THE NORMAL THAT HATED YOU TO BEGIN WITH. remus throws his hands up helplessly and turns to face james.

“i don’t KNOW, james,” the anger is starting to bleed away into something else ; something remus himself can’t quite place, somewhere between hurt and terrified and worried and exhausted, “i care.” IT’S TOO HONEST. james already knows, though. must know, even if remus doesn’t talk about how the stares and whispers and the fucking registry he never should have signed wear on him ; though, remus thought sirius knew, too. REMUS LUPIN REALLY FUCKING CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF HIM. it’s in every over-correction, every night like this where he smiles tiredly and shakes his head and makes tea for his friends even with his hands shaking with the urge to smash the fucking cups. “they’re not gonna COME AROUND, james. and even if they DID - i don’t want them. they think i’m a MONSTER and no matter what i do for them it’ll never be enough.” I’LL NEVER BE ENOUGH, he might as well say, and remus paces again just so he doesn’t have to look at james while he swallows that admission. it’s a dangerous secret to have on top of all the others ; some days i do think about leaving.

hands both scrub over his face and stay there for a beat and forces himself to take five long and even breaths. they choke and sputter at points and his heart is still hammering in his ears. his skin crawls. fingers want to form claws and he wants desperately to throw everything from the table and tear the door from its hinges on the way out. a real dramatic display. SOMETHING THE PERSON SIRIUS THINKS HE IS WOULD DO. prove them all right. give them a reason to actually be afraid of him.

a cold shiver runs down remus’ spine and he swallows air. “i can’t tell you about the mission,” he manages in an even voice, “probably shouldn’t have even said it went wrong.” hands fall to his sides, limp despite the tense line of his shoulders and the way his jaw creaks with how tight he clenches his teeth in an effort to keep himself from - going on. and on. and on. it feels like a mask slipping down over his face ; the heat slipping from his eyes and downturned mouth morphing to a steady line. 

[mooncursd]

proditeur​:

        “That doesn’t bode well for either one of us.” If someone knew where Remus was that must mean there are other unwanted figures prowling around; it’s only a matter of time before they realize Remus isn’t the only person of interest in the area. Even if Regulus’ many enchantments and charms should keep him safe for the time being.

        He’s never been the kind of person to leave anything to chance.

        “It had better not be,” he takes the discarded clothing, tosses it in the fireplace and flicks his wand to start the flames. It’s unfortunate but they’re tattered anyways and they can’t leave behind any signs that either one of them was here. “There’s a strain of it that runs in my family and I’m afraid I already have enough of my own.” Something that Regulus would never have admitted in his younger days; in his more ignorant days.

        “Is there anything you need before we go?” he extends an arm, offers a hand and turns a look over his shoulder to check the door. He hears nothing. Sees nothing. But it doesn’t mean that Remus hasn’t been tracked. “I have another place somewhere by the border. It should be far enough away that they won’t find us there but I’m afraid we can’t ever come back here again.” Which is unfortunate. He did have the loveliest little garden. 

it does not. remus wonders if he should offer some small slice of the truth. I’M HERE TO MONITOR A PACK OF WEREWOLVES, THEY’VE DRAWN THEIR LINE IN THE SAND. it’s the sort of admission that would lead too easily down a road to the truth. why send you, lupin? why alone? why not someone else? it’s fairly easy to piece together that the order would send a wolf to watch the wolves. someone who can blend in, who can infiltrate. it’s too dangerous to try and send someone who wouldn’t be able to slip in amongst the ranks like remus can.

“suppose you’re, uh,” his head still aches and the sizzling feeling of the potion at the back of his skull hasn’t entirely abated - it’s remus’ explanation as to why the words are slipping from his mind as he tries to say them. it’s weird to have someone here in this moment ; usually remus has to limp back to his now-dangerous safehouse and lick his wounds alone, “immune, then. grown a resistance.” the joke doesn’t quite land due to the pause between sections. he stands and takes the hand offered to him.

“no.” there’s a few days change of clothes at the likely compromised safehouse, but remus has got his wand and it’s about the only thing of real importance he owns these days. someone else will come through to clear out the safehouse once remus is able to send a report. matter of fact, he should - he moves without thinking, casting a quick patronus. the silvery wolf appears and stares at remus with eyes he hates. remus keeps himself from the involuntary shudder that wants to run down his spine at the sight. “ - burn the safehouse. i’ll be back as soon as i’m able.” he speaks, voice artificially solid. the wolf turns on wispy paws and moves swiftly through the air. after a second remus freezes. “it won’t - they won’t be able to trace that here,” he says to regulus, voice painfully earnest and quiet, “i wouldn’t -” remus shakes his head and ends the sentence there.

“we should leave. i doubt the death eaters will able to trace me here, but.” unbruised shoulder raises and falls in a quick shrug. “i’ll be out of your hair as soon as it’s safe.”

[mooncursd]

proditeur​:

      “Well I seem to have made a miraculous recovery, haven’t I?” Or something along those lines. The truth is that Regulus should be dead; he thought he’d be dead but the terrible and tumultuous thing called Life had one more twist in it for him. He survived the unsurvivable—something he never planned to do—and has been riding the wave of that outcome ever since.

      But Remus will never know that. Neither will Sirius or anyone else; the things that Regulus BIack did to get here. The choice he made. He didn’t do it for recognition or acknowledgement. He did it because there was nothing else to do. It was either make the sacrifice to protect all the people he loved or live with the guilt of having been able to do something and have done nothing. Regulus already knows the fiery sting of guilt too well.

      He just hopes his little plan will help, even just a little. Eventually.

      “… Fair enough.” It seems neither one of them are in a position to be completely honest but he can understand it, at least. “Important business it is.” Though related to the war, no doubt. Regulus always believed that Sirius and his friends would involve themselves in some way in this conflict. 

      “Let’s establish a few things,” Regulus sits on the edge of a cot some paces from Remus, wand still pointed, still ready, “My being alive is a well-protected secret. You couldn’t share it if you wanted to. You’re the only person from my old life that I’ve had contact with in… a little over a year. So if you’re worried that I’ll go ratting on you, I couldn’t. And wouldn’t. But I don’t expect you to believe that,” he adds with an empty smile. “I won’t ask what it is you’re doing here and I won’t bother you; but I will defend myself to my fullest capacity if you interfere with my interests.” 

the idea of NOT TELLING SIRIUS leaves a sour taste in his mouth ; almost as bitter as the idea of SPEAKING TO SIRIUS currently tastes. regulus doesn’t need to know they aren’t on speaking terms currently. when words are exchanged they are NECESSARY ones or UNKIND ones. remus shakes his head and tries to stop looking as if he is staring at a ghost he had a hand in creating. fingers thread through his hair and eyes flicker back to the wand, half expecting to wake in the dingy little safehouse and discover he never woke this morning, that every moment from opening his eyes to the watery morning light to this absurd scene were little more than his overworked and under-rested mind spinning its wheels too fast.

he discreetly pinches the back of his neck, where his hands have come to rest at the base of his skull. the sharp sting of it makes him decide that no, this is real. SOMEHOW.

the world has at least stopped tipping under his feet even while sitting, which is a small win but a win all the same. he hasn’t been side-alonged in years, much less at such a sharp surprise, and the effects have finally started waning. “right,” he replies uneasily, a few moments too long after regulus has stopped talking. the single syllable lands heavy from his mouth and remus doesn’t really know what else to say. there’s a litany of questions he’s pretty sure won’t get an answer - or much more than derisive looks and sounds - so he won’t bother raising them. 

“i don’t know what your INTERESTS are,” hands fall to his lap and long fingers curl around his kneecaps in an attempt to ground himself, “much less if i even WANT to interfere with them.” if regulus is telling the TRUTH, and remus is growing more and more certain he is, then the man isn’t working with his old associations. isn’t working with ANYONE most like, unless some new faction remus doesn’t know about has made its way out of the woodwork. “ - whatever got you to,” he motions slowly ( telegraphed movement, not reaching for a wand, careful in the way someone used to being taken for a threat at any sudden motion moves ) to the room around them, “come here must’ve been...pretty dire. so. i’ll take your word if you’ll take mine.”

[mooncursd]

@highaever watching the start of ca.ptain america: iced hunk. give me a hunk on the rocks

[mooncursd]

iinmortales​:

         ‘ a butterfly, ‘ she mused, thinking of the implications. butterflies often represented a rebirth, a soul’s endurance. if anything, she hoped she had endurance, that she was more than just a pretty thing that occasionally had a flash of cleverness. ‘ i’ll take a butterfly, lupin. i can handle that. ‘ as for james’ mother warming up to her, that would take a little more consideration. ‘ i hope she does. i want her to like me. i really want her to like me. i really like her son. ‘ that was still something that felt unusual to say, and it wasn’t just the wind that made her cheeks turn just a couple shades of pink. 

         ‘ it was adorable, and i wish you could’ve seen it. ‘ with two purebloods for best friends, she was sure remus had a few pretty funny memories of his own from introducing james and sirius to muggle items. ‘ i’m glad to hear that! ‘ she could sense the topic wasn’t something he really wanted to dwell on, and she couldn’t blame him for that. there was enough shit going on without talking about it all the time. sure it wasn’t on the same level, but she didn’t particularly want to discuss her relationship with her sister at length. ‘ have you seen anyone else get back yet, or am i the first? ‘

it seemed a good enough fit. lily seems the type to be able to CREATE HERSELF ANEW if need be ; able to metamorphize. remus isn’t sure he is. he’s grown too accustomed to pretending. if this shield is torn away ( calm remus, quiet remus, level-headed boy with good grades and graces ) he doesn’t know what he would be. A MONSTER, maybe. fingers ruffles through his hair and he adjusts his scarf, tucking the end that flutters in the wind into his jacket. “she’ll like you, lily,” he bumps her shoulder with his and this time does not tease about the way her cheeks fill with pink, “you care about james ; you’ve got that in common, at least.”

he’s thankful she flits from the topic. the unease she senses isn’t quite what she thinks but remus is glad she’s tactful enough to not press. sometimes the boys do and remus can’t blame them. if one of their parents grew as ill as hope lupin SUPPOSEDLY is he would worry and ask quiet questions in an attempt to help as well. it wouldn’t grate so if it were the truth. “i think we’re the first. peter usually gets back late and god only knows where james and sirius are.” it has become a sort of routine for remus at this point. he’s always back first and is able to revel in the quiet of the still calm common room, unpack his trunk in the dorm without having to dodge the others and their chaotic joy at seeing each other again. remus loves them, he DOES, but it’s nice to have the room to himself for those few hours. the addition of lily isn’t a problem, though. he thinks maybe she likes the quiet moments here in the same way he does, or at least doesn’t MIND the stillness.