Shattering Slumber of Stolen Souls

I'm Maelia Moonfeather. Here I will be posting some of my deepest, darkest thoughts. To those faint of heart, please beware. A lot of my stories have to do with self harm and depression, some may even consist of suicide. I will give fair warning before each. Hope you enjoy.

[extramadness]

[soshesawildflowerxo-deactivated]

Throughout life, I’ve considered the idea of ending it more than I want to admit. The slightest thing. The smallest hurt can spiral me into every emotion. Swallow me whole. It all goes black. I feel nothing, but feel everything. The thing that makes me continue, the thing that makes me feel again - is the thought of my future children. To tuck them in at night, to read them a chapter of Harry Potter before bed, to teach them to walk, to talk, to be a good person. To be called ‘mommy’. How dare I not give them a chance? How dare I take myself off of the table? How selfish of me to not give them that? That’s what keeps me doing. That one day, I’ll be tucking my kids into bed and whisper ‘thank you’ and they will have no idea why. 


You saved me before you even knew me.

— A journal entry from June 15, 2016

[leohearts]

Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feeling ever.

(via typical-suicidal-teen)

[extramadness]

[lonelyhurtingsoul]

[extramadness]

[moonfeather816]

No Savior For The Sick

Within the darkness, I drown. Captured by the negativity, Stranded among the shattered, I’ve grown accustomed to this life. My thoughts overwhelm me. Like poison, it infects my psyche. Breaking all hope, Tearing me from reality, Stripping away my sanity.

My feet travel among pavement my mind can’t comprehend. Lost within clouded consciousness. I’ve given up on a savior. No one can defeat the the demons inside my head. Not even you. You are my calm, my friend. Someone I love deeply. I’ll never demand of you. Never expect the same love I feel for you. Each day, I wonder, should I run? Should I spare you this insanity spreading within my skull?

I know laughter only because I know the agony of drowning in my own tears. I’ve been alone. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been cast aside and deemed unworthy.

You saw beneath the scars, unveiled emotions I thought I’d never know. You’ve given me more than you can imagine. At night, I’d let the self hatred shroud my senses. Steal me from my warm home. Lost within the mist, I hear the voices. Vicious, evil. Tempting my hands to steal my life. I crumble, crawl to the edge, imagine what it’d feel like to fall. How alive would I feel just before I die?

For many years, I’ve resided within this Russian Roulette. I don’t know what it feels like to be normal anymore. The voices are getting louder. I can feel the words in my blood. Like waves, they rush and fall. They leave me dizzy. They leave me weak. “Just one more slice..” “Deeper this time…” “Bleed bleed!” “You don’t deserve to breathe!” How can I run? How can I hide? Each time demands more. I’m getting closer. I can already feel the blood slicking across my soft skin. I can feel the blood drain from my face. I can hear only the voices as they coax me closer to the end. Terrified yet calm. Relieved yet so very sad. There’s no saving me. It’s just a matter of time. Save yourself. I can’t imagine hurting you, but I can’t pull myself away. Tell me to leave! Say I sicken you! Say you’ll never love me… Please.. End these emotions before it's too late... before you’re just like me..

*Maelia Moonfeather original 8/10/17 *

[moonfeather816]

Return To Me

What are you doing? It feels like ages since I’ve heard your voice, tasted your lips, succumb to your seductive smile. The brush of your fingertips across my feverish flesh. Why must I miss you? Each day, I pray for this yearning to end. Each day, I pray to embrace you in my arms again, pray you’ll return to me. The Grey creeps in, iridescent hues are starting to fade, lost to my eyes. Like a maiming mist it blinds me brutally, starving my senses. Weakness made to tear me down, I fight for strength to endure the anguish etched within my chest. Return to me. Connect with me again. This can’t be over. I know what we felt was real. Our souls merging, restless slumber silenced beneath my fingertips. Like a book, our pages mirror the other’s, stories vast riddled with grief, cursed with chaos. Covered in unique bindings Beauty blazing across the edges. One day you’ll return to me. This, I pray is true. How long must my heart wait to connect with yours? How long ‘til I feel your lips on mine again? How long 'til I feel your body on mine again?

I miss your wink weakening my knees, making my heart jump. I miss the soft kisses you sear into my skin.

Branded Bound Touched only by you. I miss your dark humor awkward anxiety awakening among all but me. I fantasize of the fire in your eyes, flickering across my feverish face. It may feel like forever, but soon you’ll be with me again. I’ll wrap my arms around you, hold you close, falter beneath the fury of your kiss. Melt as skin smolders skin, awakening among arousal, tantalizing touch banish the loneliness. One day this will be true. One day we’ll be together. Rising to the early morning sun, wrapped among each other. Heated skin covered in cool cotton, a warm summer breeze whisking across our restless bodies. I wish for that day. A day free of insignificant stresses, clarity within the closeness, my palm pressed against your bare chest, your warmth radiating within me. With you, I feel safe I feel calm I feel… like me. One day will be ours again. One day will be true. The day you return to me.

**Maelia Moonfeather 5/19/17**

[moonfeather816]

My name is Maelia Moonfeather. I'm new to posting pieces to my page. I hope you enjoy reading them. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 😊

[moonfeather816]

Creature Inside

You think you know me? You have no idea. Like a creature blessed among the blasphemous, I will tear you to shreds. Vicious & Bloodthirsty Stalking my prey, You have no chance. Your effortless entitlement sickens me! You hurt those I care for. You think you can get away with that? You think you can make me quiver, break down, submit? You won’t be so lucky! I’ll scratch through the scum! Tear through the terror! Darkness devours me, I welcome it’s power. Insanity threatens to steal my soul. I’ll cut through the chaos, Tear you down Abrasive as sandpaper across sensitive skin I’ll make you bleed! I’m not to be trifled with! Fear will flood your senses, sear your sanity. When my demonic instincts devour my heart you better flee.

For this existence, I am feared. For this insanity, I am loved. I hardly remember the carnage, remembering reactions recalling the bruises, the blood. You think you’re safe behind your bitchy, self centered words? You’re very wrong. I descend from demons! Constantly Caging the Creature Craving Chaos If you’re lucky, you’ll never see it.

Run! I don’t know how long I can hold it down. Fury ready to feast upon festering flesh. Like fire, I will surround you, scar your soul. You’ll abandon your life to me. Leave the ones I love alone! You underestimate me. Your Flawed Fortune becoming your greatest regret.

*Maelia Moonfeather original*

[earthangelll-deactivated2017013]

I want someone to come home too and bury my head in their chest when I have bad days, someone to pull me closer at night and hold my hand when I get nervous, I want to be adored, I want to feel safe with someone again.

[gowke]

[thread-of-hope]

[dying-human]

[extramadness]

[lettersfromnewyorkcity-blog]

Dear M,

There’s always going to be unfinished business between us, isn’t there?

Truly, O

[moonfeather816]

Untitled

Shattered & Stumbling Tumbling through the cracks once more. My body aches. Chest heavy Sadness slithers across my skin, festering flesh. I can’t breathe. Why won’t this leave me be? So alone, I don’t know how to fight the thoughts in my head. They scream insanity. Frightened I’ll let go. Too weak not to waver. My blood surges, searing for sin. Choking, I curse the chaos. Succumb to the seduction of shining steel. Crushing consciousness. I must give in. NO! I must fight! Shaking.. Shattering… Someone save me! Please…

How many times has this prayer pushed past my lips? How many times have I been abandoned to the echo of my emotions? Meaningless Forever alone Forever unworthy Will I survive this night? Will I starve my senses? Or will I shrivel among the sin? Succumbing to the sensation of steel slicing skin. Please, Someone save me.

*Maelia Moonfeather original*