āZayn Leavingā Master-Post. Featuring an excerpt from its sequel:Ā āCanāt You See This IsĀ Shady As Fuckā
A lot has been said on my end regarding the wholeĀ āZayn Leavingā situation so I figured Iād do a master post to summarize my theory, which in all honesty isnāt really a theory but a bunch of facts and common sense put together.Ā
Letās start with theĀ āofficialā story pushed by M!M:
Following the Zerrie cheating scandal, Zayn is sent home with everyoneās blessings to relax for a couple days due to high levels of stress. Zayn will rejoin the boys in Manila. Actually, no. He will be back for the South Africa shows. Ok, maybe we have no idea how long this temporary break will last, but donāt worry, itās all good.
Remember what we said a couple days ago? Yeah, forget that. Weāre now deeply saddened to announce after five wonderful years, Zayn has decided to quit One Direction.Ā
Hereās a quick and completely random Facebook post for you because we had no time to write a proper announcement to be released with the trades but just COULD NOT WAIT to tell the world he is no longer associated with the band. Yay! We like simple and unprofessional, thatās just how we roll.
We need you to believe Zayn has decided to leave on his own terms and we need you to be really upset so that youāll feel bad for the other boys and will tell your cousinās friendās sisterās neighbor about it but not angry enough that you will stop supporting the band for the time being and risk you hating on him when we sort this shit out and he finally comes back, so hereās Zaynās heartfelt and totally reasonable statement explaining how fame has become too much for him and he wants to step away from it all to be a normal guy.
We know you also want to know what the boys have to say, so hereās a short paragraph our new intern crafted ten minutes ago that showcases how sad but at the same time strangely unaffected the boys are over his departure. Are you feeling compassionate yet?
Now that the entire world is talking about it, letās keep a low profile and let people speculate about what the hell happened, because you know⦠We hate the attention.Ā
We need to make sure everyone involved acts according to plan, even if weāre just now informing them of said plan. So letās make sure the boys stay away from Twitter for a little bit and then have them tweet completely irrelevant things because thatās the logical thing to do and⦠to hell with their feelings. Itās very important they donāt address the situation directly nor express their well wishes to their band mate because, who would realistically want to send their best friend off with a nice message?Ā
Just so weāre clear, letās hire paparazzi to get candid photos of Zayn out and about to make sure everyone is keeping an eye on him at all times and letās set up an interview so Zayn can tell the world how much he hates fame and how badly he just wants to be a normal guy.Ā
Now that weāre at it, letās have him almost completely avoid talking about his decision but still find a way to somewhat apologize to the fans and make sure he confirms it was purely his decision and he just couldnāt wait to get out of the group.
Actually, we should have him hint at the possibility of going solo and doing his own stuff because some fans are not buying the āheās tired of the industryā story. Yeah. Oh and letās throw some Perrie in there because why not.
Now letās wait for the tabloids to react and add fuel to the fire by twisting his words and coming up with their own conclusions to keep the ball rolling.Ā
We should probably push the possibility ofĀ āleaving the door openā for him to come back so the speculation doesnāt die down, but we should totally set up some pictures with NB at the studio just to keep the public at the edge of their seats. This is fun.