Live without Regrets

Without the dark we would never see the light.

[gypsyastronaut]

[moonmagic95]

Mood! Writing a screenplay is a different type of beast

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“What a beautiful thing it is to be able to stand tall and say, ‘I fell apart but I survived.’”

— NotSoMommy.com

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“When depression takes over and I can’t push through it, I have to close my door and shut the world out. It’s the only way I know how to survive.”

— HealthyPlace.com

[moonmagic95]

People how honestly don’t get this. I realize that. People somehow make it out to be about them how it affects them. I can remember talking to people and they never ask why I was distant they always just talked about how they felt. And that in it self made me stay away more.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“I don’t want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”

— Unknown

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

— Rose Kennedy

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“One of the most healing things you can do is recognize where in your life you are your own poison.”

— Steve Maraboli

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“The time will pass anyway. You can either spend it creating the life you want or spend it living the life you don’t want. The choice is yours.”

— Unknown

[moonmagic95]

The fourth day

Today was a good day. I was productive at work and tomorrow we are having a game day. My car is cutting off, I am hoping it’s my battery and will hold out till next Friday. Fingers crossed.

I saw him today. Before you say anything, it was an accident. We happened to be at the same place at the same time. It was kinda awkward. But surprisingly my heart didn’t hurt. I think I recognize and accept the fact that he needs to work on himself. And I need to do the same. I’m so used to touching him that the entire time were in the same space I had to keep telling myself don’t. I’m also I sucker. I can’t help it. I offered to help him study for test for work. I truly just wanted to see him. To make sure he was okay. He says he is, I dont think he is as good as he seems but I don’t think he is horrible either. It was hard to say good bye to him tonight but it didn’t feel definite.

I do have to keep busy though. My mother birthday is next week and the sad thoughts have begun today. I didn’t take the day off, and I contemplated taking it today but decided against it. I rather be forcing myself to keep busy instead of off and in my thoughts. I miss her. I miss both of my moms honestly. I really don’t know what the fuck I am doing half the time and wish I could tell them this. But I will take it day by day.

[moonmagic95]

Third time the charm

Same day. Kinda tired. He was on Snapchat but I was too much of a bitch to watch it. I’m respecting this period of space. Thinking about taking a spin class but who knows. It weird but lately like the past two days I have been more open and it seems like I actually have people who want to be my friends. Weird right? Now let’s pray I don’t fumble the ball. Scratch the second sentence; I am tired. I have been sleeping fine but just going to sleep super late. I’m going to shoot for seven hours tonight. Check you tomorrow!

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

— Mark Twain

[moonmagic95]

Second day

I cried today but not over him. My sister left me a voicemail long story short she knows me very well. Just knowing someone is there for me touches something within me.

Once again, I was too busy at work to focus on him enough to get sad. I did make a list of things that I want to work on and needed from him to make this work. It felt weird because I never make demands. I am normally the accommodating one. I guess a part of me is scared he is going to say no. But in order for me to be happy, I have to put this out there. It’s number one on my list, for the simple fact is he says no I have to walk. That’s if he still wants this. I’m starting to realize that I am an amazing woman but I may not be the woman he needs. And that doesn’t lessen my wealth. It hurts to know that i may not grow old with him. But it will hurt even worse if I hang on knowing he is unhappy with and vice versa.

For the first time in a long time I asked myself what is my five year goal. High school. Check. College. Check. What comes after? Yet, to be determined. If I am being incredibly honest with myself, I lost inspiration to write after my aunt’s murder. Not one thing have I started since then have I finished. I don’t know what my goal is yet for the next five years. But I’m going to work on it during this time. I know I like to bake, I love books, and even though I have had writers block for years now I absolutely love to write.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

5 ways to beat loneliness

1. First, don’t isolate yourself – When you’re feeling lonely it is hard to go out and be with others who seem to be OK, and don’t really notice how lonely you feel. But putting up a wall and withdrawing from your friends will only intensify that sense of loneliness, and will further undermine your self-esteem.

2. Second, keep yourself busy – Do things that you normally enjoy with others. For example, listening to a band or maybe going to watch a game … or you could always try something that’s new, but interests you! That would allow you to connect in a non-threatening way … as it takes the focus off talking, and off you.

3. Third, be kind to yourself - It’s likely that you regularly beat yourself up, criticise yourself and are unrealistic in the kinds of expectations that you have for yourself. So what, if it goes wrong? You can always try again – just learn what you can from the experience. And notice your successes and the times when it goes well. It’s likely that this happens a lot more than you think!

. Fourth, recognise that we ALL battle loneliness at times. It’s something we’ve all known and can understand. it’s absolutely normal to feel the way you do.

5. Fifth, talk to someone you like and trust – It can really help to talk about your feelings with a family member, or a friend or counsellor. It relieves some of the deep painful sense of isolation – and help to get your life back in perspective again.

[moonmagic95]

First Day

So, I didn’t cry myself to sleep but I did not sleep well either. I had someone to sleep with for almost two years and now a stuffed animal. I worked today so I was busy focusing on other things and then I came home and cook dinner for my grandma. So I didn’t have time to have a cry session. There were a few moments that chocked up. Little things that reminded me of before. The strange thing is that we haven’t technically broken up but it feels like a break up. I truly just want to make friends. If there is one thing that I struggle with it’s making friends. That’s one of my goals in the coming weeks not matter the outcome of my relationship. This truly sucks because he is more than my boyfriend he is my best friend. I got internet today so I can binge on Netflix till I fall asleep. It’s the small thing. Hopefully, tomorrow is better.

[moonmagic95]

Confession

I inherited a toxic trait from my aunt. I emotional shop. In addition to my own toxic trait of emotional eating candy when I’m stressed or sad.

I totally bought two movies, a candle, and new eyeliner. Granted, the movies were on sale but still. I talked myself out of buying a few things of yarn that’s where the candle camw into effect.

And the sad part about it, this isn’t even day one of the break. It’s the night before. I truly just need to keep my mind busy, like mentally exhaust myself so I don’t think or overthink.

Goal for tonight: don’t cry myself to sleep. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Wait for the one who will find you in the dark and listen to you in the storm.”

— JmStorm

[ms-mazarin]

Words to replace said, except this actually helps

I got pretty fed up with looking for words to replace said because they weren’t sorted in a way I could easily use/find them for the right time. So I did some myself.

IN RESPONSE TO Acknowledged Answered Protested

INPUT/JOIN CONVERSATION/ASK Added Implored Inquired Insisted Proposed Queried Questioned Recommended Testified

GUILTY/RELUCTANCE/SORRY Admitted Apologized Conceded Confessed Professed

FOR SOMEONE ELSE Advised Criticized Suggested

JUST CHECKING Affirmed Agreed Alleged Confirmed

LOUD Announced Chanted Crowed

LEWD/CUTE/SECRET SPY FEEL Appealed Disclosed Moaned

ANGRY FUCK OFF MATE WANNA FIGHT Argued Barked Challenged Cursed Fumed Growled Hissed Roared Swore

SMARTASS Articulated Asserted Assured Avowed Claimed Commanded Cross-examined Demanded Digressed Directed Foretold Instructed Interrupted Predicted Proclaimed Quoted Theorized

ASSHOLE Bellowed Boasted Bragged

NERVOUS TRAINWRECK Babbled Bawled Mumbled Sputtered Stammered Stuttered

SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER Bargained Divulged Disclosed Exhorted

FIRST OFF Began

LASTLY Concluded Concurred

WEAK PUSY Begged Blurted Complained Cried Faltered Fretted

HAPPY/LOL Cajoled Exclaimed Gushed Jested Joked Laughed

WEIRDLY HAPPY/EXCITED Extolled Jabbered Raved

BRUH, CHILL Cautioned Warned

ACTUALLY, YOU’RE WRONG Chided Contended Corrected Countered Debated Elaborated Objected Ranted Retorted

CHILL SAVAGE Commented Continued Observed Surmised

LISTEN BUDDY Enunciated Explained Elaborated Hinted Implied Lectured Reiterated Recited Reminded Stressed

BRUH I NEED U AND U NEED ME Confided Offered Urged

FINE Consented Decided

TOO EMO FULL OF EMOTIONS Croaked Lamented Pledged Sobbed Sympathized Wailed Whimpered

JUST SAYING Declared Decreed Mentioned Noted Pointed out Postulated Speculated Stated Told Vouched

WASN’T ME Denied Lied

EVIL SMARTASS Dictated Equivocated Ordered Reprimanded Threatened

BORED Droned Sighed

SHHHH IT’S QUIET TIME Echoed Mumbled Murmured Muttered Uttered Whispered

DRAMA QUEEN Exaggerated Panted Pleaded Prayed Preached

OH SHIT Gasped Marveled Screamed Screeched Shouted Shrieked Yelped Yelled

ANNOYED Grumbled Grunted Jeered Quipped Scolded Snapped Snarled Sneered

ANNOYING Nagged

I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WHATEVER Guessed Ventured

I’M DRUNK OR JUST BEING WEIRDLY EXPRESSIVE FOR A POINT/SARCASM Hooted Howled Yowled

I WONDER Pondered Voiced Wondered

OH, YEAH, WHOOPS Recalled Recited Remembered

SURPRISE BITCH Revealed

IT SEEMS FAKE BUT OKAY/HA ACTUALLY FUNNY BUT I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH OUT LOUD Scoffed Snickered Snorted

BITCHY Tattled Taunted Teased

Edit: People, I’m an English and creative writing double major in college; I understand that there’s nothing wrong with simply using “said.” This was just for fun, and it comes in handy when I need to add pizzazz.