Tell Me When It's Over..

short stories and heartbreak

[moonmarsandstars]

Count me out

I'm not into you. You're a mocking habit of mine and I'm full of insults over it but it's just so lame. I guess, I can't see why it's not easy to leave me alone and not talk about it like a fool for nothing. It's too late. You're too fucking late. Don't be a creep like Gary. I'm a funny valentines and happy like a poppy. I'm sugared and fair. Why do you cross my mind? I've always wondered why so much... I loathe it. I need to go back to school and ya I tried. I tried. I try hard to not be like me in 2006 or seventh heaven. I've counted sheep before from insomnia I wish I had again... You cunts. Sorreh but I'm not sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy.

[moonmarsandstars]

Dennis the menace and I'm covered in honey. I should be in more than jewels. I don't like the feeling of loing them so I don't crave expense. I crave glitters and sturdiest of metals for my sensitivity. Drama queen and your everything. I'm used to you more than ever now and even your faint smells that others say aren't pleasant. I know of your unpleasantness, Jacquelyn. Jacquelyn. Jacquelyn Nicole Castillo. You forgot and L somehow ya loser :)

[moonmarsandstars]

Mellow dramatic.

I’m thinking of your decorated window top. The tree, weather channel on the tv, and us. Waiting for that 1985 snow in San Antonio. I miss you! Grandma DC. Grandma. I visited you frequently in Ernie. My carrito, my champagne escort from 1999. Most noted specially editioned and infamous for leaving me stranded. I learned plenty to use that tire iron. Panic at the idea of getting clipped onto oncoming traffic like currently turning into road-kill or a box. Still, I had car and I was enjoying. The end. I lost him to 200 bucks and a tear jerk loss. My first car. Gone to the wind. You also, Grandma DC. If we could talk all my wishes would come true because it’s you. You’d cry with me and we’d laugh at how cute I was. Then... we’d cry again. Poor little pound puppy....

[moonmarsandstars]

Shoshana

Milk and your comfortable lavender. I keep smoking to remember the green and embers that remind me I’m never home long enough. I leave and I’m depressed over the moon again. The flowers can’t bloom without the sun so I’m the weepiest willow. Can’t we just runaway? Nevermind, I’m comfortable. I’m embedded embarrassingly in this wanting dancing diamonds over jealous jewels. Oh, I’m sorry Shoshana. I forgot you’re also a gem. I love ya! I’d sing it to the stars in your emerald eyes. You can always find me swimming in the blue sky, comfortably. Oh I’m sorry Shoshana! I’m sorry, I can’t be with you forever and ever. I’m still stuck on being your never, Shoshana.

[moonmarsandstars]

My hip and neck are aching ever more. I’m shivering from the cold. Fall is coming and smoking a cigarette will feel like a depressing time in Alaska. How dare I? Over and over but I’ll smoke more. Of course you’ll take it. They always do.

[bitchflavoredbitch]

Lots of stuff on

@crashedburnedandrebooting

[crashedburnedandrebooting]

Disclaimer:

This here stuff that I write is for creative ventilation. I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bi polar. I’m also keen in astrology, past life theories, and Human Law. I’m wacky on social media and my arian moon is quick to light the candle. Mmm, aesthetics. So if it sounds good it’s what I’m doing on here. On tumblr and on Facebook. Yes, “the gram” and even getting down on Chatzy. Oh duh the Snapchat and um... Twitter. :D

So sowwie 🙃

[moonmarsandstars]

How come I can hashtag something and then tumblr is like:

Bitch nada!

[offensiveloveletters]

Rioted.

I was cursing yall. Yeah, I was cursing yall. Laying on my grandmothers floor after the air mattress she had just bought me had miraculously popped at night. Like the slash sling smasher could walk in and be ALL like slasher. Pop her fucking head in. The stupid little bitch had it ducking coming. Yea, I said ducking for Jospeh’s sake. My Joseph. I remember having that lightbulb of a eureka moment. I was like smash my pretty jfk’d face in why don’t cha? Wanting to ask if you wanna come inside and meet the misses? Will ya.... need I ask or mock you? I waited for a nic moment😎 I could easily and I laugh. Mutilate ya wholly and in the best of the best holy sense. Ya I’ll add and shiet. No name over here like yeah like shirts! Cause use that mother ducking panky collared shirt! Lol oh wow and it’s for girls. Shiet. Got! Damn📌 all autistic and krampused out of my mind. I like the idea but even that can go sour in a velvetta moment. Fudge it! What’s the point. Bosquez, Castillo. I sat in the tree like a maroon forever in my childhood. Honestly! I thought, how could I just sit there. But I did. Those flowers me there but robotically smashing them up to smiterines. I miss you. Those mornings and those holidays. My dresses and my love for still being able to see them in my mind. Soothing and heartbreaking. My life. My rules. Hahaha oh I’ll shut up but you do and yeah ima day bitch. I hated hearing girls from school say that. You should heard me inner self.

[himynameisgrapes]

Check out all my blogs:

@moonmarsandstars @bitchflavoredbitch @offensiveloveletters @scarilibra @himynameisgrapes @crashedburnedandrebooting

[moonmarsandstars]

Papas Y Carne

The house smells amazing. I even boiled some spinach and rosemary. We finished eating and even Joseph ate. The smell is lingering. I’m in heaven and haven’t smelled food this good in awhile. Especially by me. We are it with bread and when I went to check on Jospeh and refill his cup. He had made a samich. My heart fluttered with excitement. I love when children do things I did as a child. I’m missing my favorite Tex-Mex Taqueria. There was a prior buliding before The yummy one standing today. It was purple and it’s memories dance in my mental photo book. We used to call it Casa Cedillos as I didn’t know the name but I started calling it that ever since. Even though it’s Named something else it will always remain that. Sorry but it will never change the style of your food. The ambiance and comfort of your resturant. It could never replace the memories at both locations. A name is still very important but.. even since 2014. Going to you wasn’t the same. I wasn’t that person anymore and I didn’t feel safe as my hometown comforted me. My sentimental value is skyrocketed up there with god himself. I miss you all very much and hope you’re well. This will all be over soon and when it is.. I know EVIL will be gone. To me this isn’t a real virus. It isn’t a plague. It’s a cluster of people trying to remind the world of our own guilt. Mistakes and everything else you are. We are and better or not isn’t the issue. How hard do you love? I’d kill myself over and over and over and over till I got it right. I remember pondering over baptist religion and being serverly upset over that I had to wait till I could serve gods will. Lord, I cannot walk on water!? Plus, I find that unfair. I’d never be baptized. I was a child. I couldn’t get up and run to the local phone book for a new church organization. I had to wait and God’s food steps were pretty big to fill. I’m trying to piece back my exact thoughts from that day. It’s blasphemous what I thought. Yes, God thought with me but he said what if you’re really really pure. I just didn’t know that yet but my third eye glistened. I saw the light at the end of this tunnel. I left that chapter alone obviously to come back too. I’ve tried killed myself too many times from there. I’ve grabbed a knife and put it to my flesh about one less than five to be closest of being exact. I’m wanting to stomp and rave about being God Child but that’s blasphemy because we all are. So I’m here describing it in spilled ink of some sort. I’m somewhere on this earth and we’re all mooches and meanies. We’re all mad and saddened by our waste of energy. Our precious brain cells that run into walls when we know better. It’s right in front of you. Nothing. That’s all. You smiling yet? Me neither. I’m mouth open and typing on this here blog.

[moonmarsandstars]

Nevermind on the story. I’m sick of the upstairs pig. Virus 1 for me.

I’ll wait till tomorrow.

[moonmarsandstars]

Camping At Humble Pie.

Coming pretty soon :)

[moonmarsandstars]

Charred 2

Family campsite. I wasn’t too far from where I lost track from the bear attack. I kept running because I kept feeling that fear push me. I stopped not because I wanted to, I calculated. There was the campsite but no fire. I started to panic and I feel my throat tighten. The campsite was wrecked and the vehicles were gone. I was able to see well from the moonlight, luckily. My tablet was right where I left it. Tossed phenomenonally onto my backpack. It wasn’t messed with either. It was dead. Thank god for water proof protection cases but bad news for my.... nothing but my clothes were inside the bag. Someone had taken my laptop. Maybe when they looked for my car keys, I thought. I had grabbed what I needed and what was not ruined then headed toward the cabin. The door was locked and I was beat! The back window had a secret spare key compartment. I was feeling a lot better already. I cracked open the door and smelt the clean and stale lonely cabin. My family visited frequently but this was one of the few cabins for us “youngins”. I was 20 and pretty well off in life aside from severe depression. So I was spoiled or so I felt. Still, I also felt like I deserved it. I was a good kid or so I thought anyways. I meant other than to my family or friends. My healthy practice of self love even reminded me how calm about my friends not being around. Then there was light! The cabin lit up and I was still alone. I had what I needed but where were my friends? I went to the landline and tried to dial the number. No signal. Then the lightening happened. Then came the thunder. I started thinking about that light in the woods. The strobes of light I saw before I passed out. I couldn’t tell if they were looking for me. I couldn’t even check on them. My tablet was dead and I don’t have a spare charger or know where the one I packed is at. My laptop is missing from where I left it. I was S.O.L when it came to communication. I could however survive and enjoy the commodity of being stranded in a cabin. I could go to the others too but I wouldn’t have food or anything I don’t have here. I mean unless I was left for dead but... *glass break* I rush to the sound and find no glass or broken window. What the!?, I shout. The tv stared at me and I then I blossomed some positivity. I turned on the the tv and tried to put it on the news. Nothing. Everything was down. It just had to rain and a bear just had to ruin the campfire. The s’mores ingredients and hot dog ingredients comforted me some more. I didn’t need to feel anymore insane than I already did. I then hear the door jiggle. I freeze and wait for someone to enter. In comes Colin. He’s all bloody and covered in glass. He’s not even making sense from his panicked fear. I gave him some space and let him calm down. He cries and breathes in deep breaths before becoming understandable. S-s-she tried t-to kill me, Colin sputters. I go get something to clean him up as he rest on the floor. He’s asleep when I come back and when I touched him he jerked in my arm closer to him. I killed her, Colin said. Then he was out again. I cleaned him up and found the bloody show was from shards of glass. He needed 4 stitches and I even gave us a penecillin shot. Never can be too safe, my father always says. The cops arrived and took all the information I had. Turns out sindy was something that should’ve never came out of Colin. That is definitely no joke. She killed those three others and minus Colin. James was found without a head and his feet in places you don’t want your feet. The girl he was in a lip fight with was never found! Rip to James and Cheyenne. Also, to Colin’s date was found with her clothes shoved into her gut, eyes, and mouth. Along with her feminine parts. All of them. Seriously, creepy!! Sindy was found with her throat slashed with a wine bottle. Way to go, Colin! So Rest In Peace Kate. As for sindy and I, “we’re” smoking the world’s fattest bowl and never going to camp again. I just donated our family campsite to a church. See ya!

[moonmarsandstars]

Charred

The fire was up high and the friends I invited were all over eachother. Minus some girl and her dog. I was hurtin over Gwen. She wasn’t anything to talk about but I was tired of getting the same ending. Nothing but a goodbye and maybe we’ll be friends. Two were best friends since summer school started for me and the girls were some friends from work or online. I didn’t know them but the girl with her dog was a cousin of Colin. Colin was a nice guy and had some really nice family. She was just quite and not into anything but her dog and her phone. She smoked weed so that’s why she was there. She wasn’t a weirdo but wee camping and yeah. It’s a usual movie plot and I’m writing on this online journal for therapy. My doctor recommended I show some enthusiasm about my future or it was, as he put it, “concentration camping at the state hospital”. I wanted to vomit and go lay in bed wishing for a zombie apocalypse. I was grounded at home from any game play. Life was a crock and weed was the new thing for me. Check this out! My father and doctors prescribed it too. I’m out here camping and smoking weed like it’s no big deal. Still, I feel like my heart has an asshole. Colin’s dog starts barking and there went the cousin or uh, sindy.. cooing at the small runt of a dog like a infant. The other guest were still sucking face and not at all curios. I sat there hold my tablet and staring at the beast as it snarled it’s snout lips or whatever. What?!, I asked as I still sat there confused as everyone was now staring at me. The dog nips in my direction and then I hear it. It’s a bear! My arms flail and I’m running full throttle and not looking back. I ran and finally stopped. I’m panting and heaving. My mouth felt like I was sick in leaves from the ground and I hovered over earthed floor of our mother and then plopped. I laid there like the turd I probably scared out of the bear and let the spots dance around me. I wasn’t even high! I’m too sob.. I almost finished blurring our when I realized I was far from camp. It was dark and I couldn’t even see the campfire blazing. It was high and bright too. The November breeze swirled through the trees and it’s also musical leaves. The branches scratched against others and I sat there. I felt blank and in control and only because I escaped the bear. I was in shock and I couldn’t get up. I wasn’t laying down anymore but my legs felt like jello. I also felt weak but why?!... suddenly the strobe of light comes through. I tried to get up but I felt drugged and sluggish. I was hoping i wasn’t dying of fear but the world started getting dark and then water! All over my face and it’s freezing. The rain is pouring and the lightening isn’t going off in the sky. What was that light? Where am I... the rain was making sense and I was back in that forestry of hell. I now could get up and walking wasn’t hard either. The night was still young and I was barely getting my brain ms thoughts altogether. I was just camping and dwelling over life and it’s nothingness. I was just whining over my broken useless heart. Now look at me. I was covered in muddy and leafy debri. I was groggy and didn’t even want to ponder on why! The scenery was looking familiar. I was focoused on my humbled blessings of being here since I was a child. So this neck of the woods was like my backyard. I was in luck and then I started getting angrily suspicious. I’m really far out and no one has seem to look for me. Maybe they thought the bear caught me. Still there would be helicopters and... my fear grew and my brain highlighted the cousin... I had already forgotten her name. My funny bone would’ve broke had it could compute the name Sindy. Colin and colon didn’t seem so funny now. I literally laid on the ground and nearly died thinking of myself of a bear dookie earlier. Had this gone on my journal you would’ve read it, too. I was walking and probably getting lost since I was piecing together this madness scared me into this mess. I was stressed because I was angry and comforted by how smoothly it was to follow my way back to our

[bitchflavoredbitch]

Chapter 1

I was panicked and already sweating. Something I wanted to avoid. The cool air and music was a relief as I swung the door open. Life was as it should be and I was walking and acting normal but I was frightened. I was confused and felt like I was having an asthma attack. I became unable to walk and the I was out. The bleachers never looked so good. “Catherine!”, Ms. Shep shrieks. The Dj, Charlie Bostine, turned off the music. The disco ball we made in art class in 5th grade spun like it was at a funeral. I became coherent and everyone’s eyes and faces looked insane and at least recognizable but I was... “w-what happ...did I pass-s out?!” I couldn’t talk right, I thought. I couldn’t talk, my mind raced and then I saw it. The dead carcassed thing on top of me but before I looked down at it.. I saw someone! She looked unrecognizable and old-fashioned. I was screaming by now and I couldn’t understand how I was acting was really me. What was going on NEVER HAPPENED! I was up and vomiting all over the gymnasium floor by now. The dance was cancelled for me and I was bawling. I didn’t care because I was frightened. Catherine wasn’t at all any help. She just stood there. Ms. Shep was escorting me to the coaches bathroom by now. It was cold in there and a fan was rotationally going back and forth. Annoyingly, on full blast! I was angry and a lot was on my mind. I just remembered the chaotic locker room rendezvous that I tried to pull off. I would’ve been fine too. I would’ve... the phone was was shoved into my ear. Christine!!!! I saw Ms. Shep scream but didn’t hear it. Then, I saw what I would seen on a roller coaster. I wasn’t going to make it or that’s what it felt like. Like I was dying... I felt like I was dying in someone else’s arms that night. Some Valentine’s dance, huh? The coroner joked...rudely later that night. Poor kid.

“CC+CB 4EVR” is on her gravestone.

[moonmarsandstars]

Written by: Jacquelyn Nicole Castillo

[bitchflavoredbitch]

Chapter

It was the valentines dance for Christine and her 6th grade class. We had the entire gymnasium to ourselves. Her and her friends of 8 years had all joined after school with some other classmates to decorate the gymnasium. Everyone was out on the play ground crowding in one corner of the boxed in monkey bars and stuff. Christine was focused on the sun setting and it’s marvelous colors. Cathrine her best-best friend was already wondering what was going on. She stop from a slight dizziness of staring too long. Something she liked to do since she was walking with Catherine and could walk without running into something. Just so you could stare at the sun with your eyes closed, Catherine would say. Christine wasn’t paying attention and Catherine was already chatting with the others. Christine was partially dead at the moment when she saw what she did in the sand. The other kids were already walking off and Catherine meets Christine by the dead thing. What is it?, Christine asked. It’s deteriorating corpse was reaking with a smell that the girls could no longer stand and question. Perfect timing was Ms. Shep asking for us to come inside and get the tables ready. We had forgot about the dead surprise and it was the valentines dance! We were scheduled the day before Valentine’s and the seniors obviously had the gymnasium on Valentine’s Day. Lucky ducks! Suddenly all the kids were swarming in to help out late. If they wanted to socialize till then they needed to stay outside. The other teachers waited till the party started before arriving. We were a small town and very close knit. Trust was never a rare commodity here in Lucky Leaf. The music starts and the decorations were set. The girls started getting dressed up and those that were just arriving were bragging about their outfit choices. Some girls were showing off rings given to them by their boyfriends. I wasn’t allowed a boyfriend and was already grounded from talking to one on the phone. I didn’t ask permission and well after they scolded me for that. I no longer wanted one. I, Christine Castiz, was a complex gal. I couldn’t even write in my diary after that. I burned one once with Catherine down by Lucky Leaf bridge. We had a liquor given to by her older brother that made the flame a blue color. She said there was something that makes it green. I was drifting off in memory lane and in the locker room. Alone. Catherine was a social butterfly and I would end off course somehow. I didn’t mind. I had no choice, anyhow. I decided a shower and sporting my poodle curls would be the best for tonight’s dance festivities. I was giggling outloud by now and again in the best state of mind. Suddenly I can’t stop thinking about that creature, dead and rotting on our playground. Ms. Shep would’ve had an aneurysm if I had broke the news tonight. She had to raise a lot of money for her sisters surgery. Cancer was the current devil in our world. Poor, Ms. Shep. Me and Catherine would stay the night to help her out. We would get tickets from her sisters.. um, job. Ugh, my guilt. She was a lawyer and received a lot of freebie tickets to events. Everyone in town was sharing them but we would always get the tickets to the big city amusement park. The only time Catherine and I were teased was for being, goody two shoes. I was showered and doing the final touches on my hair by now. Someone was entering the gym because the music became louder. The door closes and I’m waiting for someone to call out or enter from the short hall into the locker room and showers. No one came in and I stood there waiting. I felt my breathing grow heavier and then I snapped out of it... suddenly, my bag is tossed off the bench. It didn’t just fall over... it looked like something smacked it for being to full of stuff or something. I picked up my stuff trying to ignore the insanity I was witnessing. I put my stuff up and left in a hurry. The door was heavy to pull and I was scared.

[moonmarsandstars]

Written by: Jacquelyn Nicole Castillo