Morgiana Kraukulis

Hey, Morgiana here, called Morgie by... - well basically everyone. Okay, I know what you are thinking, what a strange name she has. Believe me, I do too! Just do as I do and blame my parents and the family tradition. My family has a tendency to...

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana studied the other’s face. It was taunt, clearly trying to hide the pain inside. She guessed her own face must have been looking like that as well, maybe with a bit redder eyes, but more or less the same. 

“Actually, I hadn’t really planned even going here, much less when I would leave. I was just wandering about and my feet let me here.” She shrugged, then thought a little. “Do you have any place in mind?”  A little company was nice and she hadn’t really talked much with anyone in a while. When she thought about it it was actually rather odd, and she wondered what people who knew the ‘old’ her, back on the Arc would say if they knew about her silence. They would probably give her some weird looks and her grandma would definitely make a comment about there finally being silence for once, with that playful smirk on her lips. Oh how she missed her grandma. She had always been able to make her smile, even back when her mother died. She wondered what happened to her, if she by some miracle was still alive somewhere. But she knew it was a foolish hope, more of a daydream anyway. 

[warriorveined-archive]

“I didn’t have anywhere in mind, really. Just…not here. Maybe we could see where our feet take us?” Lexa liked to wander from time to time. She had the freedom to do so and had walked every inch of their territory. In her position as Heda, she had been able to travel and explore the land of many clans. Of all of their homes, she still preferred the woods of her own home. Being around Morgiana made her feel strangely calm, probably due to the fact that they were both so lost in their own thoughts.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana smiled a bit. “That sounds... good.” She couldn’t really find the right word to describe her thoughts. She had always liked wandering, well she had liked it since she came down here. It hadn’t really been possible to wander on the Arc, but down here it was nice. Especially after the alliance was made. Before it had been bit of a risk just walking aimlessly around in the woods. You never knew when an arrow would hit. But now it was good, peaceful even to just let your feet carry you wherever they wanted to go. She looked around, fully taking in the beauty of the trees around her, the blue sky only slightly covered with clouds and breathed in deeply. She could almost taste the pine, mixing with the smell other trees and flowers. The smells calmed her a bit, and she wiped at her now-dry eyes. She looked back at their graves, now with a bouquet of wildflowers on each and her lips crept up in something close to a smile. She looked at the grounder girl and slowly started walking.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

She smiled a bit at the other’s comment. Oddly enough, talking sometimes did help. When she thought about it, the devastating grief was actually reduced a bit. Not much, but just enough that she could sense it. The grounder seemed far away for a little while, lost in thought. 

Morgiana actually had to think a bit in order to answer her question. “No. I don’t think I ever have” she said after searching through her memories. Her friends had had crushes all the time, always talking about this or that person, so she felt she had a relatively good idea of how being in love felt. But she couldn’t recall ever having felt that way. It wasn’t like she had had time or mind for it, first with her mother’s sickness and then trying to cope with the grief. And it wasn’t like she had needed someone. She had had her friends so she hadn’t been lonely. Maybe she just had to wait for the right person. That was what Maddie always had said.

[warriorveined-archive]

“Well…don’t. If you can help it. It’ll mess you up good.” Lexa sighed, showing that she knew full well how much love could screw somebody up. It had reduced her to the person she was now, far weaker than she ever wanted to be. Losing Costia had been the hardest thing she’d ever been through and now she’d lost Anya, too, albeit in a different way. It left an unspeakable emptiness inside of her, a hollow feeling.

The other girl’s presence was tolerable and Lexa didn’t particularly wish to be alone. Her mind went to much darker places when she was by herself. Her dark eyes drifted up to meet Morgiana’s. “Did you plan on being here a while? Or would you like to go somewhere else?” The graveyard gave her the creeps, having this many people buried close by each other. Their people didn’t believe in burying their dead, instead they burned them. Costia’s grave was empty, just a headstone. But Lexa came there to visit it anyway, focusing her eyes on her name and allowing it to take her back to that time, when things were simpler.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana studied the other’s face. It was taunt, clearly trying to hide the pain inside. She guessed her own face must have been looking like that as well, maybe with a bit redder eyes, but more or less the same. 

“Actually, I hadn’t really planned even going here, much less when I would leave. I was just wandering about and my feet let me here.” She shrugged, then thought a little. “Do you have any place in mind?”  A little company was nice and she hadn’t really talked much with anyone in a while. When she thought about it it was actually rather odd, and she wondered what people who knew the ‘old’ her, back on the Arc would say if they knew about her silence. They would probably give her some weird looks and her grandma would definitely make a comment about there finally being silence for once, with that playful smirk on her lips. Oh how she missed her grandma. She had always been able to make her smile, even back when her mother died. She wondered what happened to her, if she by some miracle was still alive somewhere. But she knew it was a foolish hope, more of a daydream anyway. 

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana looked at the other. She wasn’t offered any comfort, but that was probably for the best, she thought. Words would make it seem empty in some way, like it would diminish the loss. In truth what she had needed was probably just to get it out, to get past the walls and the black hole inside her. Since her friends were both dead now, she hadn’t really had anyone to talk to, but somehow talking to a stranger without getting any ‘oh, I’m so sorry’ had helped. Not like when her mother died. Back then everyone had been full of sympathy - most of it had been sincere, sure, but they hadn’t known the hurt themselves, the deep burning of loss. This was different, of course, but still the same. No matter the situation, you had to move on and get past it, otherwise the grief would consume you. 

She saw the sudden tenseness in the other girl when she mentioned her crying. She thought she wouldn’t answer, but when she did she listened, full of sympathy and understanding. There was no doubt it had been a hard loss.  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Morgiana looked at her apologetically. She hesitated a bit, then added softly: “You can’t do anything but get past it or loose yourself in sorrow. And pardon me for making assumptions, but you don’t seem like one who likes to loose.” She smiled in an attempt to soften her maybe a bit harsh words.    

[warriorveined-archive]

“It’s alright. It feels good to talk about her, sometimes.” Lexa met Morgiana’s gaze solidly before nodding at her next statement. “That would be true. This is why I set aside this day each year to remember her.” If she lost herself in the past every day, she would never get anything done. She had to move on as best as she could, but she knew that she would never be completely over losing Costia. Lexa believed that was a natural thing–when someone died they left a void in your life that would always be there. She loved Anya, more than she had ever loved Costia–but that didn’t mean she could take her place in her heart. And that was okay.

“Have you ever been in love?” The Commander asked curiously, wondering if perhaps the other girl had felt romantically toward one of the friends she’d lost. Or if maybe she hadn’t experienced that yet–the gut wrenching pain of losing the person who you’d allowed to become your everything.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

She smiled a bit at the other’s comment. Oddly enough, talking sometimes did help. When she thought about it, the devastating grief was actually reduced a bit. Not much, but just enough that she could sense it. The grounder seemed far away for a little while, lost in thought. 

Morgiana actually had to think a bit in order to answer her question. “No. I don’t think I ever have” she said after searching through her memories. Her friends had had crushes all the time, always talking about this or that person, so she felt she had a relatively good idea of how being in love felt. But she couldn’t recall ever having felt that way. It wasn’t like she had had time or mind for it, first with her mother’s sickness and then trying to cope with the grief. And it wasn’t like she had needed someone. She had had her friends so she hadn’t been lonely. Maybe she just had to wait for the right person. That was what Maddie always had said.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana relaxed a bit when she saw the newcomer. She had feared it was some sort of beast that would like to eat her, not a girl looking to be not much older than herself. A while back she would probably have preferred the beast, though, but now with the truce she definitely preferred a grounder. Well, now she thought about it she preferred almost anything to a beast wanting to eat her. As the other came closer Morgiana noticed her eyes were reddish and slightly swollen, which instantly made her wipe her own. What an impression I must make! She looked a bit closer at the brown-haired girl. She seemed vaguely familiar yet Morgiana couldn’t place her. Even though she clearly tried to hide it, it was clear she had been crying a lot as well.

Morgiana smiled sadly. “It’s okay.” She looked softly at the graves, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. “We were friend as far back as I can remember, we basically grew up together. They… they wouldn’t have been here at all if it hadn’t… hadn’t been for me.” By now the tears were streaming down her cheeks again. She couldn’t even care to wipe them away. “Jonah… He died in in one of the early fights. He got a wound in his stomach.” She sighed heavily. “At least it was a quick death, I guess. He was dead before we could even get to him. Maddie got a stray arrow in her chest. It wasn’t even a fight, just black luck! Oh, I miss them!” It was oddly comforting, spilling her heart to the other girl even though she was a stranger. Her body ached with sorrow. She could feel the loss as a burning black hole inside her, trying to draw everything inside. She had to fight it. She couldn’t let the sorrow consume her completely. She wouldn’t allow it. Get a grip, Morgie, you idiot! You have to snap out of it! With determined movements she quickly wiped her eyes and dried her nose. “So,” she said softly, “What about you? Who is it you are crying for? I mean, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” She smiled softly. 

[warriorveined-archive]

Lexa gave the other girl an understanding smile. She had lost many friends over the years as well, many to the Reapers and some to the Skaikru also. It never got any easier. She listened politely as the tearful young woman spoke of her childhood friends. She wondered what Morgiana had done that she brought her friends into, having been told that the original 100 were prisoners of their clan. She nodded at the explanation of their deaths, but did not comfort her. She merely gave her a look that she hoped expressed her understanding enough. When the other mentioned her own crying, her face turned stony. She took in a harsh breath and crossed her arms.

“I try not to talk about her very much. But her name was Costia. She was my first love. Today is the anniversary of her death. It has been many years. But the pain is no less.” 

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana looked at the other. She wasn’t offered any comfort, but that was probably for the best, she thought. Words would make it seem empty in some way, like it would diminish the loss. In truth what she had needed was probably just to get it out, to get past the walls and the black hole inside her. Since her friends were both dead now, she hadn’t really had anyone to talk to, but somehow talking to a stranger without getting any ‘oh, I’m so sorry’ had helped. Not like when her mother died. Back then everyone had been full of sympathy - most of it had been sincere, sure, but they hadn’t known the hurt themselves, the deep burning of loss. This was different, of course, but still the same. No matter the situation, you had to move on and get past it, otherwise the grief would consume you. 

She saw the sudden tenseness in the other girl when she mentioned her crying. She thought she wouldn’t answer, but when she did she listened, full of sympathy and understanding. There was no doubt it had been a hard loss.  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Morgiana looked at her apologetically. She hesitated a bit, then added softly: “You can’t do anything but get past it or loose yourself in sorrow. And pardon me for making assumptions, but you don’t seem like one who likes to loose.” She smiled in an attempt to soften her maybe a bit harsh words.    

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana walked aimlessly around Camp Phoenix, absorbed in her thoughts. She walked oblivious to the world, going wherever her feet took her. Her path took her past the border of the camp and out into the forest. Suddenly her face was kissing the grass and she was snatched back to reality. As she sat up she cursed herself. She had stumbled on a roof. A root. Seriously?! She laughed internally as she got up and brushed the dirt from her clothes and face. She shook her head and walked on. The shadows of the trees grew deeper, at some places almost completely blocking out the sun.She shivered a bit. It felt like the temperature had suddenly dropped. She started walking faster to keep warm and after a little while the trees and bushes thinned around her. A couple minutes more and she came to a clearing.For a little while she just looked around, enjoying the sun on her skin and the scent of flowers in the air. Then, as she looked closer she noticed the unevenness in the grass. Most of it were high and easily covered half of her calves, but in some places it barely reached her ankles. Of course! She cursed herself for not having noticed earlier. It was a graveyard. THEIR graveyard, to be precise. She hadn’t realized that she had walked this far. Now she thought about it, it had been far too long since she had last been here. She looked around. They used to come from another direction when they were paying respect to the dead as a group, so it took her a while to figure out where her friends’s graves were. When she found them she walked back to the flowers and collected enough to make two bouquets. She placed one at each of their graves while she furiously tried to blink away her tears. Suddenly she felt a chill running down her spine. It felt like someone - or something! - was watching her. She took a deep breath and slowly, carefully turned around, all senses alert.     

[warriorveined-archive]

Lexa had just come from Costia’s Hill–that’s what she’d named it in her head, anyway–having paid her respects to her first love on the anniversary of her death. She began her descent back to even ground, passing the Skaikru’s graveyard on her way back to camp. She hadn’t expected to encounter another person after Anya went her own way. The Commander had let the tears flow in honor of her lost love, shocked when she saw a girl through her blurry vision. She sniffed, wiping her eyes and regaining her composure. It was dangerous to let a stranger see her in this state. Lexa was going to walk away but the girl turned around, clearly spotting her. Since it was too late she shook it off, approaching the other with her usual hesitance. Her eyes settled on the unfamiliar Sky Girl.

“We have all lost someone. The important thing is that we don’t let their deaths be in vain.”  The brunette could tell that the girl was just as broken as she was. “They were your friends? Tell me about them.” Lexa paused. “I mean, only if you want to.” She was feeling more vulnerable than usual, allowing her to connect to this girl she didn’t know. But she often found it was easier to talk to a stranger than someone she’d known her whole life.

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana relaxed a bit when she saw the newcomer. She had feared it was some sort of beast that would like to eat her, not a girl looking to be not much older than herself. A while back she would probably have preferred the beast, though, but now with the truce she definitely preferred a grounder. Well, now she thought about it she preferred almost anything to a beast wanting to eat her. As the other came closer Morgiana noticed her eyes were reddish and slightly swollen, which instantly made her wipe her own. What an impression I must make! She looked a bit closer at the brown-haired girl. She seemed vaguely familiar yet Morgiana couldn’t place her. Even though she clearly tried to hide it, it was clear she had been crying a lot as well.

Morgiana smiled sadly. “It’s okay.” She looked softly at the graves, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. “We were friend as far back as I can remember, we basically grew up together. They... they wouldn’t have been here at all if it hadn’t... hadn’t been for me.” By now the tears were streaming down her cheeks again. She couldn’t even care to wipe them away. “Jonah... He died in in one of the early fights. He got a wound in his stomach.” She sighed heavily. “At least it was a quick death, I guess. He was dead before we could even get to him. Maddie got a stray arrow in her chest. It wasn’t even a fight, just black luck! Oh, I miss them!” It was oddly comforting, spilling her heart to the other girl even though she was a stranger. Her body ached with sorrow. She could feel the loss as a burning black hole inside her, trying to draw everything inside. She had to fight it. She couldn’t let the sorrow consume her completely. She wouldn’t allow it. Get a grip, Morgie, you idiot! You have to snap out of it! With determined movements she quickly wiped her eyes and dried her nose. “So,” she said softly, “What about you? Who is it you are crying for? I mean, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” She smiled softly. 

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Morgiana walked aimlessly around Camp Phoenix, absorbed in her thoughts. She walked oblivious to the world, going wherever her feet took her. Her path took her past the border of the camp and out into the forest. Suddenly her face was kissing the grass and she was snatched back to reality. As she sat up she cursed herself. She had stumbled on a roof. A root. Seriously?! She laughed internally as she got up and brushed the dirt from her clothes and face. She shook her head and walked on. The shadows of the trees grew deeper, at some places almost completely blocking out the sun.She shivered a bit. It felt like the temperature had suddenly dropped. She started walking faster to keep warm and after a little while the trees and bushes thinned around her. A couple minutes more and she came to a clearing.For a little while she just looked around, enjoying the sun on her skin and the scent of flowers in the air. Then, as she looked closer she noticed the unevenness in the grass. Most of it were high and easily covered half of her calves, but in some places it barely reached her ankles. Of course! She cursed herself for not having noticed earlier. It was a graveyard. THEIR graveyard, to be precise. She hadn’t realized that she had walked this far. Now she thought about it, it had been far too long since she had last been here. She looked around. They used to come from another direction when they were paying respect to the dead as a group, so it took her a while to figure out where her friends’s graves were. When she found them she walked back to the flowers and collected enough to make two bouquets. She placed one at each of their graves while she furiously tried to blink away her tears. Suddenly she felt a chill running down her spine. It felt like someone - or something! - was watching her. She took a deep breath and slowly, carefully turned around, all senses alert.     

[morgianakraukulis-blog]

Nightmare || Week 4 Challenge

The sun warmed her body and she stretched a bit. Her gaze fell downwards, caught by the small flowers hiding in the grass. She couldn’t stop a smile from spreading all over her face. It was so beautiful. She took a deep breath, breathing in the many new and unfamiliar smells. She closed her eyes, fully enjoying the moment. A strange sound got caught by her ears. She looked around quizzically, wondering what it could be. After a moment she realized it must be the cry of a bird. Birds! She herd something behind her, turned around and her smile grew even bigger. “Maddie!” she cried, and almost ran to hug her friend. After a little while she asked: “Have you seen Jonah?” Maddie silently shook her head, and together they started searching. Suddenly a voice called from behind them. “Hey there, lovely ladies, could it be this handsome fellah you were looking for?” They whirled around at the same time, smiles big on their faces. They ran quickly towards each other and ended in a big, messy group hug. Morgiana smiled from ear to ear, happier than she had been in what felt like forever. Suddenly she became dizzy and the world blurred around her. When she focused again subtle details in the scenario had changed. Dark clouds hid the sun, and a sudden chill cooled her to the bone. She took a step back and looked at her friends. Something in the atmosphere had changed, and everything looked a bit off in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Suddenly blood gushed out from Jonah’s stomach and she screamed. In a moment he had disappeared. Terrified and deathly pale she looked at Maddie. Her gaze fell down to her friend’s chest and she screamed again. An arrow was stuck deep, and as Maddie’s gaze followed her own, curious of her terrified look, Maddie’s face turned ashen as she staggered backwards on wobbly legs. She fell, and  Morgiana rushed over to her, trying to stop the bleeding, internally screaming. No, not again! Please, not again! Blood welled from the wound and she saw her hands gripping tight on the arrow, trying to free it. No! She tried to stop it, but her body just continued wriggling out the arrow. It was almost like she was watching someone else doing it, yet at the same time she felt the smooth, solid surface of the arrow. With a jerk it was free, and now it didn’t block part of the wound blood welled freely. Immediately she tried to push back the blood, to close the wound and stop the bleeding, but it didn’t work. Just as it hadn’t the last time. She could feel the tears streaming down her chicks as she clutched at Maggie, holding her tightly to her own chest, oblivious to the fact that she was getting soaked with blood. Please! Make it stop! Somebody! Please! Let me wake up!  Maddie exhaled one last time and lay limp in her arms. Her sight blurred with tears and she screamed.

Morgiana bolted awake. Both her and her sheet were completely soaked with sweat. Trembling, she looked down at her hands. They looked normal, a little dirty perhaps but otherwise normal. They weren’t covered in blood. She took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself. Then one more. It had just been a dream. Who was she trying to fool? It wasn’t just a nightmare. If it was she hadn’t woken yet. Maddie and Jonah were dead, no matter what she did or how many alliances were made. Nothing would bring them back. 

There was no point in sleeping anymore, so she got dressed quickly and walked silently outside. It was still dark, but the moon shone brightly enough that she could walk without being afraid of falling. She walked slowly over to a large, nearby tree and sat, leaning at its trunk. She gazed up at the stars. Oh how she missed them! Their laughter, their pranks, all the happy moments. What she wouldn’t give to get them back! She smiled sadly, looking at the moon. Strangely, somehow, it gave her some sort of peace.