** Massive Depression TW **
There are weeds in my mind
The ones that repeat the same hurt over and over and over again, making itself home in the walls of my cranium
The ones who's roots go beyond my flesh and consciousness into time itself keeping me stuck in places I would not wish on even the most deserving of souls
The ones who suffocate any semblance of myself, my humanity, my memories, my life, all to fuel itself.
For years I've trimmed and cut them back never able to find the bulb they sprouted from
Over time, my shears rust
But the weeds keep growing. They spread and spread until they suck every last resource I have, they take and take and take until there's nothing left for me. Until I'm dead.
There are no new shears for me yet.
But they cannot win. I refuse to give up control.
As a last resort, in my panic for control, watching the roots that have embed themselves deep within me and have strangled the very veins that carry life through my flesh, clinging to all that makes me human, all I can find . . .
The leaves turn brown. The roots shrivel up into dust.
And with a sigh of relief the remnants of all that tore me apart, what choked my heart and strangled anything that was necessary to give me life; 𝘽𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮.
Tainted soil. I have killed the pain but the soil I cherish and feed from is tainted. It is not the same. Now the poison soaks into the place I must rely on to be whole. To be me. To really LIVE. But the poisons not quite enough to kill the bulb.
The bulb planted somewhere I will never find.
Until I find it the weeds will come back.
I should invest in more shears.
germansingergirl
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
