ok. hear me out. alan's life is the funniest fucking thing, even if we're just looking at part of it - and today that part is probably how he got his job
since Alan likely hadn't known of supernatural shit before he decided to isolate in the woods, he was probably spooked a good few times or whatever
like, just imagine, this canadian dude is just sitting outside in the grass while looking at isopods and 'lil caterpillars, while also eating an ice cream sandwich, when, suddenly, standing right in front of him is carver's goofy-ah self being like "would you like a cup of tea and a glass of crackheadery, this fine evening, sir?" before punching him in the fucking face and dragging him out to hell
then, alan just has to have an existential crisis while trying to fight some british bitch with them 1-2-buckle-my-shoe sneakers who looks like the 17YO bad boy intern at the office in some who gets to fuck around and do whatever BC his dad's the CEO or whatever and BC it's a shitty YA book with no logic
and this is just how alan learns about the natural ecosystem of american fuckery before being handed a gun and told to go off someone or get ripped apart bone by bone BC, well, why not? and he just goes along with it, at first, out of pure fear; who wouldn't be scared of this kinda shit?
i mean, me, personally? if i saw the boss, i'd wanna tuck tail and head hell outta dodge; you don't fuck around in anywhere of america without losing a few fingers, or a whole limb; i'd sure as hell know from expirience (i'd put the shrugging emoji, but i can't even physically shrug anymore IRL, so, what's the point?)
TL;DR, alan's life sucks and i think about it...a lot...i guess
anyways, sorry if this makes no sense; i'm having citalopram withdrawals RN LOL
this is the funniest shit i've read
gamechangershow
izzy806
