Love

[lonliest-dreamer]

It was foolish of me to think that I could just make my feelings for you disappear. I thought that if I dated someone new I could make myself fall in love with them instead. I guess should have known that love doesn’t work like that.

it’s always been you (via lonliest-dreamer)

[multa--paucis]

You can only chase someone for so long before your feet ache too much to continue. You can only hold on to someone until your fingers cramp and your arms fail you. Nothing lasts forever. A person lasts only as long as you devote time to thinking about them.

time to move on, baby (via multa--paucis)

[divinedaydream]

Do you ever feel like such an idiot? Getting your hopes up over and over when deep down you know nothing will ever change? Almost like trying to put a fire out by pouring gasoline on it over and over trying to make it work? That’s what it’s like loving you.

m.a (via fuckeverybody123)

[mostlydamagedlove-blog]

Lo Douleur Exquise (noun); French The excruciating pain experienced when wanting someone you cannot have

[mostlydamagedlove-blog]

You say that you want to have your cake and eat it too,  but you have never taken a bite of that heavenly slice.

KAB

[divinedaydream]

I love her. Maybe too much. I listen to music as I cry, knowing that she will never be mine.

k.s (via fuckeverybody123)

[mostlydamagedlove-blog]

I have never felt so alone in my life as when I have been in love.

KAB

[meanwhilepoetry]

All this time, you have thought you are dead inside and made your peace with that. Then one day, someone comes along and reminds you that you are still very much alive by breaking your heart all over again.

Dead Inside | Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)

[mostlydamagedlove-blog]

The Beginning

I want to introduce myself by telling you a bit about my past.

I married young and had children immediately thereafter.

I was never in love with my husband (nor was he with me).  But, my children were everything to me.

Loving my children is wondrous and spectacular; however, letting them be “everything” to me was not healthy in the long-term.

I think that because I was not in love with my husband that I filled the void in my marital relationship with my kids.  This isn’t an altogether negative thing, but I think that the best parents are those that have positive love relationships with other adults, in addition to the relationship they have with their children.

My children are now grown (in college and graduate school) and I have a strong relationship with them both.  They have grown into adults of whom I am tremendously proud…  Not because I created them, but because they are incredible people.  If I were not their mother, I would still want to be friends with them.

I was married for 14 years.  I stayed mostly for the children.  A lot of people would judge and say that staying for the kids is a lame excuse.  While I could take the same stance looking at another family, I do not feel it is fair to judge other people without living in their shoes.  I spent a great deal of my childhood wondering where our next meal would come from.  I also spent a part of my childhood living homeless.  I promised myself that would never allow the same thing to happen to my own children.

At least partially because of my past, I chose to stay in a loveless marriage for nearly a decade and a half.  My husband and I both did what we each thought was best to be there for each other and our children.  I was the nurturer and he was the bread winner.  Although we both saw our own role as the most important when it came to raising our kids, we each did the best we could with the skills we possessed.

In the end, we divorced.  It was an awful divorce that took over a year to complete.  We left each other with a great deal of animosity and to this day, we only talk when absolutely necessary (the last time I saw and spoke to my ex-husband was at my son’s graduation from highs school – it was extremely tense).

After our divorce, the children and I lived through some very tough times.  Due to limited funds, nutritious food was scarce and the rent was difficult to pay.  There were days when I did not eat (so that they could) and I had to choose between whether we had gas or electricity because I could not afford to pay both bills.  I worked several different jobs and ultimately I found a career that I loved, but at the time, life was tough for me and my children.

During my divorce, I began a romantic relationship with my best friend…

...this is where this story begins.

[mostlydamagedlove-blog]

Love

I want to start this blog by saying that I have only been in love twice in my life.

Love is complicated.