Moth

He/him A blog meant to encourage me to turn my life around

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Howdy!

I’m Moth (obviously not my real name)

I am an 18 year old trying to get out of depression and to develop some actual good habits.

I was severely medically, emotionally, and hygienically neglected as a child since I grew up with a crazy hoarder father and a mom that didn’t want to be a mother.

My ultimate goal is to be healthy both physically AND mentally

I am physically disabled due to them medical neglect, and now that I’m 18 Ive been kind of left to put myself back together.

This blog is about my self improvement- I will be very open here about very weird and “gross” struggles I have.

I will make one post a day with my daily goals, but here is a list of my goals, both short and long term;

Daily:

Shower

Brush teeth

Eat 3 meals + 1 small snack

Every month:

Shower every day for the entire month

Brush teeth every day for the entire month

Do my laundry once a week

Not order takeout for a month

Keep room clean (in a way where I’m not ashamed to keep my door open, at least)

Do my physical therapy exercises every day

Go on 1 walk for 15 mins (the longest I can currently walk, with assistance)

Have at least 24 hours on the clock of studying for uni

Within 6 months:

Go down the size needed for my wheelchair from bariatric to semi bariatric

Go to a bar

Set up an appointment with a psychiatrist

Make a new ID (lost old one while moving) & change address

Move out of gov housing w/ friends

Stop SH completely

Find an accessible gym

Book an appointment with an ED specialized dietitian

Lose AT LEAST 10kg

Have a full portfolio

Within a year:

Lose 20 kg AT LEAST

Book a reevaluation appointment for eligibility for HRT

Start uni

Start process of moving out of the country (this will take at least 3 years lol)

I will post every single day which goals I hit and from what catagory with full openness of course.

I will also challenge myself to share images of my room, even if it’s really dirty and gross specifically so that it won’t get to that stage.

Again I know all of this sounds like “easy” things but keep in mind I am in pain 24/7 and also had to learn how to do all of this on my own completely.

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Being a librarian is like, one of the only things making me happy at the moment.

I’m not technically a librarian in the official sense since I don’t have a degree, but i work at a library and archive place. It’s the only place I don’t really feel ashamed at for being disabled. It’s also one of the only places that doesn’t assume what I can do physically, but rather asks me. On my interview, my manager asked me if I have an eating disorder. It freaked me out a bit, and I thought about lying and saying I don’t, but then she explained that if I do, I am eligible for more breaks if I want to eat 3 small meals instead of one big one the work day. She asked me if to explain to me MY RIGHTS. AHHHH.

I also explained to her that I can walk for short periods of time. I my old workplace (also a library) this was brushed off, since they actually never wanted me to work there in the first place and only accepted me out of desperation.

Here, when I explained to them I am capable of getting out of my wheelchair for a bit and walking with a different mobility aid (a cane, or on really bad days, a walker). She asked me, in turn, for how long I can walk and how long after that do I need to rest before continuing to walk. I explained that for every 15 minutes I walk, I need a 15-20 min break. She asked if I could walk for 10 and rest for 15. I said that I can absolutely do that. She replied “great, so I’ll put you on organization every once in a while, and you’ll do it for an hour. 20 minutes of walking, 30 minutes for rest, and 10 minutes extra in case you will take a bit longer to finish things up.”

I was never really treated like a capable person before.

I love the library

[moth-centrifuge]

I have had moderate success so far!

I’ve brushed my teeth at least once every day (I should try to up that to twice eventually)

I’ve also showered every day!

I’m gonna need to clean my room soon-ish, maybe after I get back from work 2day?

I visited my family over the weekend, which was a bit of a nightmare… they aren’t the best people to be around.

I also got a hair cut! Which I need to lowkey dye asap cuz I look ginger lol

But overall, I’m doing fine on the plan so far!