mostly for an unwritten memoir

see title

[mothaut]

My heart is broken. He was so affectionate and loyal and happy. Now he's gone and it's my fault. You deserved better, my sweet boy. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8gG-uilDGvyhb66L4KtoQIC4hWEePq5J-1C400/?igshid=1qecq4hiommbq

[mothaut]

How many times can I press the button on these??

[mothaut]

I keep replaying this. Granma sang these songs to us as kids and I'll never forget them. I miss her so much. (at Rigby, Idaho) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2npp-QF6_n4mz94Z4Y5bfPipD09uViW0lAMmY0/?igshid=uqiz2oh28cq9

[mothaut]

10:28pm

I'm more damaged than I thought.

[mothaut]

"sometimes I walk into public and instantly think that the public fucking hates me" https://www.instagram.com/p/Bql95jnDVjLYTrWKh7z1oeFwhzH2bpPs7gCor00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1hbxygcv5pwv8

[mothaut]

10 Signs It’s Not Your Body, But It's Your Soul That Is Tired

When we have gone through long periods of being extremely mentally or emotionally stressed, oftentimes our souls can fall into deep rest tha

I know my soul is tired. It always is. Even when I'm manic, my soul wants to sleep. I read this article because I wanted to see how many signs I fit into. I didn't expect to have all 10. Some of them more so than others. 7 and 8 hit the most because I didn't expect them to be included. I blame my anger and hate for most people on what I've seen working with animals and rescues. I am lonely even with friends and I know that is because I don't know why they want to hang out with me. I constantly beat myself down. When I was younger and manic, I felt invincible and free. The deep depression afterwards almost seemed worth it. But now, with my 5 psychiatric medications, I'm stable enough to only experience the rare and short-lived hypomania of getting my life back together while constantly irritated and unable to sleep. Like tonight, possibly.

[mothaut]

1:24 am

Went on a date tonight, I'm not super into the idea of dating a man but he is very nice, full of compliments and we have similar taste in movies. He was respectful in moving closer. But after kissing for a bit, he got handsy and I pulled away. He was respectful then as well. He did nothing wrong, he wasn't forceful. We made out then I told him I had work tomorrow and had to go home. He didn't try to convince me to stay out.

So why do I feel uneasy? Is this a "trust your instincts" moment and my gut is telling me to stay away? Or am I so damaged that any man who shows any sexual interest in me sets off a red alert? Will I ever know the difference? Is there even a difference now?

[mothaut]

Technology is too hard for poor Gramma 🤭

[mothaut]

This picture from summer 2013 came up on Facebook today from when my ex and I just started dating. I think this is our first picture together. The look on my face should have been the first red flag for the relationship. The second should have been when he asked to borrow $20 to go see his friends out of town that day. #hindsightisabitch but I have grown to be such a better, more independent woman from that ordeal. I wouldn't be where I am now without the crap I went through for 3.5 years. So I guess I'm thankful for that?

[mothaut]

Oh and they played one of my favorite songs and it was beautiful. #hobojohnsonandthelovemakers #thefrontbottoms #twinsizedmattress #heymaniloveyoubutnofuckingway #okimdonenow

[caspiankingofnarnia]

when ur 5 minutes late feeding the cat

[slightmayhem]

You murderer

[mothaut]

My new anthem

"Misanthropic Drunken Loner" - Days N Daze

My breakfast was straight out the medicine cabinet

a remedy for the aftermath of my habits

sometimes it's the ones who try to help

that hurt the most

I feel like we're playing tug of war and I'm the rope

and I'm stretched to the limit

but you keep on pulling

and I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind, I'm gonna lose my mind

I want to hide away in the back of a cave

at the top of a mountain

where no one can hear me and no one can see me

so I don't have to deal with them

and they don't have to deal with me

Cause relationships are overrated

maybe I'm just tired and jaded

but I'm sorry I just like myself more than I like you

So call me anti-social call it masturbation

Either way it's a solo operation

I'm just far more comfortable alone

It appears that apathy

has gotten the best of me

cause I'm so tired of you talking my ear off

about all your problems I just can't fix

I don't appreciate this unwanted company

and your constant chatter

reminds me why I'd rather you leave me be

So call me anti-social call it masturbation

Either way it's a solo operation

I'm just far more comfortable alone

[Chorus:]

Cause people are ugly and people are hateful

destructive and greedy

we're proud and ungrateful

the world would be so much better off without us

So swallow a bullet

or a handful of pills

we're all compost in training

and there's graves left to fill

we distract ourselves to make us feel like we're not just mistakes

we distract ourselves to make us feel like we're not just mistakes

It seems that everybody's always got a bone to pick

a promise to break, never again will I make that mistake

Of trusting anyone

trusting anyone

trusting anyone

This is my misanthropic confession

human being are a waste of breath and

don't think I excuse myself

I'm an asshole just like you

[Chorus]

My breakfast was straight out the medicine cabinet.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

To the tune of YMCA

Mothman!

Your a moth and a man

I said

MOTHMAN

Your a man whose a moth

[papallion]

I said

MOTHMAN!

your pretty wings are so soft

when you 

flap

against

my

lampshade!

[caramel-filled-kittens]

OH MY GOD YES

@heteroes-are-making-me-upsetero @interrabangarang @dahmersbeer @scuffed-tarot @jazzy-mcdurf

[scuffed-tarot]

MOTHMAN

There’s no need for a frown

I said

MOTHMAN

Put that man on the ground

He’s so

FRIGHTENED

So high up in the air

Won’t you

Please

Put

Him

Down

Gently

[braybray-craycray-deactivated20]

@moth-ver-ka

[most-depressed-optimist]

IT’S FUN TO YELL AT THE

M

O

T

H

THE MAN WHO’S ALSO A

M

O

T

H

[definitly-not-a-spy]

Best fucking version.

[meet-the-mun-sketch]

This is fucking beautiful

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Tumblr Tested

Mothman Approved

[dreamfilleddonuts]

@thebeastpeddler

[thebeastpeddler]

Bless you @loinwonderland

[mothaut]

Look at my "aggressive and untameable" boxer pittie as she trots around at doggy daycare. She's an angel when she doesn't have all that pent up energy and that's my fault for not giving her a proper outlet. I'm so thankful for A Paw's Paradise and all the love they gave her while I was gone! #pitboxermom #pitboxermix #prettypittieprincess #MaryShelley #readthesarcasm #dontbullymybreed

[mothaut]

On today's episode of "How To Kill That Pesky Self-Esteem" we find pictures to show how fat I've gotten over the past 7 years #funtimes #iwishiwasfatlike2011 #atleastmyhairisbetternow #imtryingtogetbettertho

[mothaut]

Tf? I've been staring at this on my phone for 5 minutes and I have so many questions... When did I do this? Why did I do this? What was the purpose of this list? Why did I choose to take a screenshot instead of save it? #wemayneverknow

[mothaut]

Look what came in the mail! Fuckin love this music - it put feeling back into my cold, dead heart and I haven't stopped listening to it since my brother showed me Peach Scone 😏 #hobojohnsonandthelovemakers