Thinking about how constantly distressing, lonely, and exhausting being packless and pupless would be for an Omega Kurapika. His solitude being even more acutely damaging, physically and mentally, thanks to his secondary sex. Kurapika working long, bloody hours in the underworld, staggering back to his apartment or living quarters, and having nothing—no one’s scent—to soothe him from the terrible events of the day.
Leorio, Gon, and Killua’s scents have long faded from his clothes and memory, but he ashamedly buys cheap perfumes to try and replicate them, spraying them on his blankets, feeling pathetic. Sugar, honey, and herbs remind him of Gon and Killua. Espresso, musk, and rain for Leorio, and it’s almost enough to calm his frantic heart. But it’s artificial comfort, not really them, not really his people, not enough for his sorrowing inner Omega.
Seeing bonded pairs leaning on each other on the train or in dimly-lit bars makes him sick with longing. Seeing them with a bouncy, toddling pup is absolute despair.
Obviously, it’s imperative that he hide his secondary sex from everyone with whom he works by means of an intense regimen of back-alley heat suppressants and scent-blockers. But there’s a gnawing anxiety in the back of his mind, wondering if he ever gets out of this work alive, will he ever be a “normal” Omega? With all the trauma, immense stress, sketchy suppressants, and nen damage, will he have punished his mind and body past the point of no return? Someday, will he feel secure and protected enough to nest and relax? Will he still be able to have a normal heat (he’s never had one), bond with a mate, carry a child? What if he wants that?
He always felt safe knowing that Leorio knew his secret: that he was an Omega. He trusted him, implicitly so. And it’s technically medical information, so it’s comforting that Leorio would know this, if he ever needed his help in some way or another. But in the throes of his loneliness, feeling so severed and distant from his inner Omega, broken and crying out for companionship, his thoughts can’t leave him, the person who knows and understands. The person who cares, and worries, and soothes him. He imagines Leorio’s apartment, a place where he wouldn’t have to hide or feel afraid, because Leorio would never hurt him. He wonders if Leorio likes his smell (they’ve scented before, fond memories). He wonders if Leorio likes Omegas, in that way. He wonders if he finds him beautiful, as he’s been told that he apparently is. He’s never really cared, but he’d like to be beautiful for him. He imagines that if he had a nest, warm and soft and piled high with fabric, he would happily let Leorio in, because he’s safety and comfort embodied as a person.
He wants safety and comfort very badly, someday.
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