Mother of the Dawn

Tala Callenreese, Ash Lynx's mothersideblog to Bastardantichrist

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

Ash hates how he doesn't have the courage or the balls to look her in the eye and give /this/ to her face to face. He hates that he can will himself to fight until his collapse but cannot will himself to do /this/. So he shoves the card instead under her doorstep, hopping she'll somehow get it. 'HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY' it read. No signature was left behind.

Tala opens the door to pick up the morning paper when she sees the card. She blinked and picked it up, reading it before looking around.

Aslan?

She smiled, tearing up, and took it inside, where she put it on the fridge, where once she put Aslan’s little drawings when he was a child.

Salamat anak

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

IKAW ang aking anak. You are my child. Ash tried his best not to let those simple words get to him, yet his breath still hitched and his body practically stiffened. He had wanted to hear those words for a very long time – he had wanted to hear her say it and mean it like she did back then. But I do hear them – he tried to confidently reason. Despite his constant fight against trauma and hurt, Max and Ibe were always to remind him that he was their son ( na siya ang ang anak nila ). And that – that was enough. More than enough. 

Ash pressed his hand on Michael’s back, gesturing to him that it was time to go. Time to take his cupcake and just leave. “Like I said….Michael – he’s my brother…And so clearly I have a family…We got to get back to our dads…They worry a lot about us. About me...” 

She nodded, putting her hand on the counter to brace herself, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “O-of course...I...” The words wouldn’t come anymore, stuck fast in her throat. She looked down at Michael, smiling shakily.

Michael put it together, and felt his heart sink. This was Ash’s mom, his real mom. They looked a lot alike, he was surprised he didn’t figure it out. “Ash....” He tugged his brother’s hand, feeling a brotherly nature of protecting him, and half hauled, half herded him out the door and down the street, eating his cupcake.

It was really good. He wondered if Ash looked back as they walked, Michael tugging him down the street, chattering about empty, shallow things to distract him, not sure what to do in this situation and knowing they needed to get back to Max and Ibe. An adult could handle this right? If Ash did look back, he’d see Tala standing at the window, then quietly turning the closed sign on the door, and bury her face in her hands.

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

Eiji smiled softly, he could see so much of Ash in his mother, which was probably why he felt so at ease around her. He finished off his cookie, resisting the urge to groan because it really was amazing, and he was definitely going to have to take a box of it home with him. “I would love to, I don’t really get the chance to go out very often so i’m not really in a rush to go home.” 

She smiled. “Come sit in the back with me, I need to make another few batches of cookies, its a slow time right now, so I don’t have to worry too much about customers.” Tala tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear again.

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

skippedtheplot‌:

Skip laid his money out on the counter next to a bottle of wine and a bunch of groceries to cook dinner for his mother. 

“She has a morning shift so we get to have the evening together.”

Tala turned to look at the little boy who’d been standing behind her. She smiled, raising an eyebrow. “I do not think they will let you buy the wine.”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

             He was already on edge, and the sound was enough to make anyone jump. Ash’s insticts were tailored to life on the streets of Manhattan though, he doesn’t just jump at loud noises. He’s moving before his mind catches up to his body, gun in his hand and pointed toward the source of the sound, which just so happened to be his mother. It only takes a moment to realize what happened and he lets the weapon fall to his side, eyes on the pot on the floor. “Sorry.”

Tala flinched at the sound of the pot hitting the ground and reached to grab it, then went dead still at the sight of Ash pointing a gun at her. For a moment her heart was in her throat and she held still, waiting until he lowered it. Surely he wasn’t going to shoot her though.

“Its n-not your fault, you were startled...do you always carry a gun around?”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

“No contact. Sorry I ruined your plans then.” If she’d wanted them to go their whole lives thinking she’d abandoned them maybe he should have turned and run when he recognized her. He shoved his hands in his pockets, moving to look out the window at the street below.

“No t-that’s...that’s not...Ash I didn’t even know if you were alive.” Tala turned, almost a little too quickly, to assure him she would have searched. In her haste she accidentally hit the pot she’d set out for water, knocking it onto the floor with a loud, ringing crash.

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

He exhaled sharply, mumbling that the shelter couldn’t have been any worse. He’s pretty sure she didn’t hear him, but he doesn’t exactly care if she did. He doesn’t doubt she was threatened, but it doesn’t change how abandoned he’d felt. Griffin had done what he could, but he wasn’t a mother. And while he wasn’t naive enough to believe he would have had a normal childhood, he does wonder what would have been different if he’d had a parent that gave a damn. “…Does Griffin know you’re here?” Surely she would have tried to reach out again once they were away from their father.

“No I...thought maybe it was best if I made no contact.” It hurt her to do so, but she wasn’t sure if Griffin hated her. Quietly she chopped up tomatoes and put them in a bowl. “I’m sorry Ash, words don’t explain how sorry I am...”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

what shape does your pain take?

A picture. A single image reminding you of someone or something you've lost, something you don't want to live without. You can't seem to move on, to accept life has changed, to live again. You're trapped in the picture, in the past. Maybe this was a lost family member or friend, maybe this was a sickness that isn't going away, maybe this was sinking into depression. But you can't help but remember how life was before, how life after will never be the same, and can't help but feel that nothing in the future will be able to fill the hole the past left. Nothing lasts forever... Right?

tagged by: no one i stole it from myself

tagging: @umaiana, @lostmoonflower anyone who wants to do it!

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

He didn’t have any reason to be afraid but old habits die hard and he found himself sweeping the room with his eyes for anything wrong, and all the ways out if he should need one. The apartment looked comfortable and lived in, and he felt entirely out of place. His stalling isn’t helping answer the questions he has though, so he works up the words to ask. “I understand not wanting to stay with him, but… Were Griff and I so bad you didn’t want us, either?”

Her heart broke. Griffin had been sixteen, it had been a lot to ask of a teenager to watch his brother. “I knew it wasn’t safe to take you with me. I couldn’t take Griffin, he wasn’t legally mine. And I lived in a homeless shelter for two years, that was no life for a little boy...I’m sorry, I thought you would be safe at home.” Tala went into the kitchen, pulling out things from the fridge to make a salad. “I thought about you every day Ash, once I was able to save up enough and find a place to live, I went to get you and Griffin, and Jim said he would kill me if i tried to take either of you.”                               

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

This or That

Tagged by: Nobody I stole it from myself

coffee or tea early bird or night owl chocolate or vanilla spring or fall silver or gold pop or alternative freckles or dimples snakes or sharks mountains or fields thunderstorm or lightning egyptian or greek mythology ivory or scarlet flute or lyre opal or diamond butterflies or honeybees macaroons or eclairs typewritten or handwritten secret garden or secret library rooftop or balcony spicy or mild opera or ballet London or Paris Vincent van Gogh or Claude Monet denim or leather potions or spells ocean or desert mermaids or sirens masquerade ball or cocktail party

Tagging: @umaiana and @lostmoonflower anyone else who wants to do this!

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

ASLAN. He felt the hair stand on the back of his neck upon hearing that name. Aslan. No one had called him so in such a long time. Even Eiji only called him ‘ Aslan ‘ when talking of the name ‘ Aslan ‘ and his mother. Even Max was careful to call him by that name – careful to over use it or ruin how special and seemingly sacred it was. And now here she was, using it like it was nothing…as if that wasn’t all she left him with. 

Ash couldn’t be brought to look her in the eye. Not even as Michael pointed out how their likeness that was too simillar for comfort. He could feel his hands slowly ball into fists, and he had to instruct himself not to show too much of his discomfort – not to so much of his frustration and quiet anger. It wouldn’t make the lie believeable especially when he dared to say : 

“Aslan…? I have no idea who you are talking about.” 

She should have known he might deny it, the look on his face was a knife in her heart. “...Ikaw ang aking anak.” Her words were shaky, but she needed to see his reaction. Please. Please Aslan look at me. She set the cupcake in front of Michael, who reached for it. “Ash?” Michael looked at his brother, then back at the woman, curious. He didn’t understand the words, but he could tell she was trying hard not to cry, and Ash looked ready to throw up or run. He tried handing Tala the cash, but she wouldn’t take it.

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

He feels like he should answer yes, but he’s very aware of the fact that he hardly knows this woman, and a hug is a lot of touching. And there’s always the issue of the weapon sitting at the small of his back, it wouldn’t do to have her notice that. He frowns as he decides his answer.

“I’d.. prefer you didn’t. Not now.”

Maybe later, maybe not, but not now. He let her lead the way upstairs, trying to reconcile the memory of his mother to the woman in front of him.

“I understand.” She said softly, shaking her head as she unlocked her front door and let him in. The apartment was clean and well lit with plenty of windows, and smelled faintly of cooking spices. “Make yourself comfortable...”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

undergroundheiir‌:

mother-ofthe-lynx‌:

She flinched slightly, and nodded. “Yes, Long Island, I’ve lived here…since i left.” No one else was in the shop, and it was close to lunch time, she could close. “Would you like to have lunch with me? to talk?”

He nodded quietly, if he was going to walk out without answers he would have done it by now. “Yes, please.” Hs shoved his hands in his pockets to hide his fidgeting. “Do you like it better here than Massachusetts?”

“Its quiet.” Tala said softly, going around towards the front and putting up the sign that said ‘we’ve gone to lunch be back at’ and set the little fake clock to an appropriate time, then turned to him. “I live upstairs.” She was nervous, so nervous. “Ash you’re...can I hug you?”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

“WHAT ? Oh – oh.” Ash had forgotten to listen to what his brother had to say for a moment – too preoccupied with finding a way to navigate this situation. To find an escape route without leaving Michael or seeming to shaken up by what was happening. “ Um…no, I’m good. Just pay for your cupcake, buddy. Do you need cash ? Let me...”

Ash began to fish for his wallet in his pockets, and his instructed himself to solely focus on that. That and anything else. But even then he could still feel his mother’s eyes looking at him – probably even looking through him. He felt like a child who had done something wrong. But he didn’t. He didn’t do anything wrong – if anyone did, it was her. Her – the one who left him to fend for himself. The one who left him and made two children – Griffin was just a child, nanay – take care of each other like blind men leading each other through the dark.

Are you two brothers ? “ Yes – No. Yes. Yes – we are brothers. I um…adopted brothers.  Not that he was adopted – they adopted me.“ Aslan stumbled at such an innocent question. A question with an answer he already knew. yes. Yes. Yes, he is my brother – there was who loved me enough to claim me as their own. Loved me more than you to stay at they very least.

Michael waited patiently for Ash to pay, having long since spent whatever allowance Max had given him for the trip on snacks and carnival rides and toys. It gave him time to look between the two blondes, feeling the tension and unsure of why there was some. He cocked his head, then looked at the woman harder, noting features that he then transferred over to Ash, squinting.

“.........Ash she’s got eyes just like yours!” He finally blurted, noting the one thing that really stuck out.

Tala bit her lip hard to keep from sobbing, looking between Michael and Ash. Adopted brothers, Ash had a family, a family who’d taken care of him when she couldn’t. She could read the resenment in his face and dropped her eyes to the counter, her hands braced on it to keep her up.

“Aslan....I’m sorry.”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

undergroundheiir‌:

mother-ofthe-lynx‌:

Ash? Griffin’s nickname for him. “A-Ash, of course.” She nodded quietly, giving him a shaky smile. “God, you’re so tall Asl-Ash.” Tala wanted to hug him, but was’t sure. “…So grown up.”

“It’s been a long time. That’s what happens, kids get taller.” He wonders if there’s anything left of the child he was the last time he saw her. So much has happened since then. “Where… Have you been in New York this whole time?” 

She flinched slightly, and nodded. “Yes, Long Island, I’ve lived here...since i left.” No one else was in the shop, and it was close to lunch time, she could close. “Would you like to have lunch with me? to talk?”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

He startled when he heard his name, like it solidified that it was really his mother standing in front of him.

“I- Mama?”

His mother he hadn’t seen in more than ten years, who’d left him alone with his father. Instinct reared it’s head and demanded he run, get somewhere safe from memories and the frantic beating of his heart. He did his best to ignore it though, if nothing else he wanted to know why.

“It’s Ash now.”

His voice is softer than he wants it to be and he hates it, if he can stare down the barrel of a gun without flinching why is this any different?

Ash? Griffin’s nickname for him. “A-Ash, of course.” She nodded quietly, giving him a shaky smile. “God, you’re so tall Asl-Ash.” Tala wanted to hug him, but was’t sure. “...So grown up.”

[mother-ofthe-lynx]

It had been years since he’d heard that voice but he didn’t think he’d ever forget it. It was her, but how could it be? He tensed, looking up at her with nervous eyes. “I-I…” He trailed off, tugging on his sleeve. “I haven’t been in here before, what do you, uh, recommend?” As he could make a decision about pastries now. He was quiet a moment longer while he put his words together, but if it really was her he couldn’t just leave. “You look a lot like someone I used to know… Have you ever been to Cape Cod?”

She stared back at him, trembling. “Yes...” Tala looked into that familiar face, different in that he had no more baby fat on him anymore, those eyes were the same. “Aslan?”