Mother of Ace

i parent an asexual 

[wnq-writers]

Although you told me to love myself, you pointed out every single one of my flaws.

twistedlyrandom  (via wnq-writers)

Sometimes I fear how well I’ve been THAT mom.

[motheroface]

My tiny fear...

is that my Ace still feels like they can’t be themselves around me. I caused that. I cried when I discovered the manufactured material meant to conceal the sex of my child. My Ace has reached adult years and I, logically, have no say over whether Ace steps into life with the predisposed sexual identity or disfigures it.

I haven’t put up a fight. I feel sadness, though. I feel like I’m losing someone I dearly love to something I’m not certain is a condition of life. I have no way to grasp this. It’s not cancer - by which I mean it doesn’t wreck the senses as if some kind of brutal change out of anyone’s control happened to my Ace.

I’m losing someone I dearly love but who dearly doesn’t love themselves - not as they are. They love themselves as they could be; can turn into being. Physical structure may be a trivial nuisance to non-gender specific people. To the gender-specific it can be a nuisance also, but helpful too. Helpful in recognizing. Helpful in identifying. Helpful in familiarity. Tangibility. Humanity.

And I suppose that’s the feeling, isn’t it? That I’m losing my little human to something bigger and broader and less definable than Ace is, or has been, to me all their life.

You might console me and say they’ll still be my darling. I am still going to cry for my loss. And I’m going to cry for Ace’s gain, too. Because what mom can want her child to be uncomfortable in their own body?

I realize that concealing one’s sexual identity isn’t a prime characteristic of an “ACE.”  I can see how doing so can sort of buffer against advances from boys and girls. I can see how doing so can sort of thin the friends list to the bare bone essentials and give Ace a sense of security while moving onward, growing older, in the presence of people who are damned infatuated with sex and romance. Those people, for the most part, won’t bother to look. The curious ones maybe. The loyal ones might.

Here comes cotton to the rescue?

What does this teach Ace about dealing with life as we all know it?

Is this a clever escape or a lazy one?

My tiny fear is that my Ace still feels they can’t be themselves around me. And how could they if, when they try, I cry?

[wordsnquotes]

But the first lesson reading teaches is how to be alone.

Jonathan Franzen, How to Be Alone

[motheroface]

I Don’t Get It

I guess what bothers me most is that my darling Ace can’t just be “Ace” and let the world revolve around whoever Ace is, not think of my Ace as “asexual” alone. I don’t understand the need to fight to make the world recognize that there are asexuals. Why the fight? Haven’t there always been asexuals? Is there asexual oppression and killings of mind, body, spirit that goes undefended/uncared about?

And tell me, please, what...do you want the world to know about asexuality? What do you want people to do? What would you most like to see happen? Is your sexual behavior (or lack thereof) how you define yourself as a person?

If you can answer these questions then maybe I will get a better sense for the NEED to slap a label on your sexuality. Right now it makes me sad. 

I understand having a way to say how you’re oriented sexually (or not.) What I don’t understand is why it’s so important to define it to the Nth detail - what is Ace, what is not Ace but is...I don’t remember all of the other labels along the spectrum. Are people just looking for ways to fit in? Are they lonely? I search for meaning.

I don’t get it. I don’t stop loving, nor accepting. I just don’t get it. I and the world likely want to know who you ARE. I hope it’s more than what you will think/do/feel in a sexual situation. How do you identify as YOU? I welcome your thoughts.

Thanks,

Mom

[trollblogging]

[yoursixwordstory]

All I want is some answers.

(via yoursixwordstory)

[inspirationwordslove]

[th3animal101]

[motheroface]

Is it Friday yet?

[wnq-movies]

I am an optimist. I choose to be. There is a lot of darkness in our world, there is a lot of pain and you can either choose to see that or you can choose to see the joy. If you try to respond positively to the world, you’ll spend your time better.

Tom Hiddleston (via wordsnquotes)

[inspirationwordslove]

[laughterchannel]

[shrinkpastzero]

I wasn’t shy, I was reserved. I needed time to figure out what the hell was going on with these masses of people running and screaming around me.

Katie Heaney, Never Have I Ever: My Life so Far without a Date (via quoteshelf)

[kushandwizdom]

[motheroface]

when “perfect” is to societal standards, let’s say.

[theasexualagendah]

[redbeardace]

So, I just published another set in the “Am I Ace?" series over on WhatIsAsexuality.com. Now it’s time to move on to some other content for the site.

Currently, the top contenders are:

Your Child Is Asexual: A guide for parents.

An Educator’s Guide To Asexuality: Information for...

[motheroface]

One vote for the parents section and what not to say to an asexual. Yes, pls!

[kushandwizdom]

[motheroface]

Are Labels Setting Limits? (#ace #demi #aro, etc.)

I’m beautiful in my way 'Cause God makes no mistakes I’m on the right track, baby I was born this way

- Born This Way, Lady GaGa

Words that make me wonder how we grow up to think otherwise. We are supposed to help our children navigate their way through this life by lending whatever expertise we think we’ve gained by surviving longer.  

What, in our experience, leads us turns to turn our children away from the comfort of knowing themselves personally? I am sometimes guilty of this. My child will say, “Mom, I’m (fill in the blank),” and I’ll go, “Don’t label yourself.” 

I did it when I first heard, “Mom, I’m Ace.”

It’s not that I don’t want my Ace to be whatever they believe is true to ‘em. I don’t think Ace is going through some phase. It’s that too often people define themselves with labels they either can’t or don’t live up to or will eventually want to peel off of themselves. Sometimes it’s hard to get a label off once you’ve stuck it on yourself.

We change. We don’t change in every way but we change. Sometimes we find a permanent label we really like...as a mother I might fear the labels that Ace likes because I can’t see them as permanent; not yet. It is probably something to do with time and age. As we go on, Ace is going to have some permanent labels and will want to let go of other ones.

I’m protective because I see the way we evolve as human beings and some of us stick labels on us that we’ve put so much effort in keeping pristine...only to find that, one day, they don’t serve us any more....and they don’t make a version of Goo Gone for that.

But am I saving Ace any steps by saying, “Spare the labeling?” That’s always my first response.  Labeling makes me angry. Telling Ace not to do it? That makes Ace angry. 

I don’t want anyone or any word or any culture to define who I am or you are or Ace is. To me…each of us is beyond mere what words can convey. I don’t need Ace to be so painstakingly defined. Why does this feel necessary? Why do people do it? I just want my Ace to be….Ace: whatever the soul and body encompass and exhibit, without limits. Labels feel like...boundaries. I thought we were born without them.