Mother Of All

This is a blog about be a girl mom, an autism mom, a boy mom, a wife, a woman, and finding me again.

[motherofall711]

Today my boy turns 5!

This was an easy year, only one surgery.

He started talking a good bit more, he started forming simple sentences, and his congative abilities are out standing.

He is the sweetest boy, loves the same toys as last year, and the year before that. He is extremely consistent.

This year has been a good year, his abilities have grown, so have his sensitivities.

Having a child on the high functioning part of autism is difficult. We have a really good week, a week where you become lifted up and forget all the bad weeks. Then something happens, rain pours from the sky and puts out that little flame of hope.

With school starting soon, I pray for good weeks, but I also pray for the off weeks. This sounds bad, but when your child is high functioning you have to have proof that he has autism. I want his teachers to see what I see, to see that he isn’t just quite, that he isn’t just a sweet boy. I know how hard he works, I know how smart he is, but my greatest fear is loosing services because they don’t see.

This year we didn’t have a huge birthday party like years past. We could have had one, but I will not risk it, I will not risk my family’s health for a few extra gifts. So we had a small party, he got to open gifts, and blow out his candles. We celebrated, we ate cake, and we played with new toys.

I don’t know what the next year will be, what it will bring to the table, I just hope and pray for more easy years.

[motherofall711]

[motherofall711]

This man right here is amazing!

He works all day, comes home excited to see all of us, plays with our kiddos, takes time with each one. Helps me in any way he can. I can count on him to do anything I need him to do. I can’t imagine my life without him. He is my best friend, my other half, the man of my dreams. Come September it will be 15 years since we started dating, and it feels like no time has passed.

Thank you for being my man!

Your, loving wife.

[motherofall711]

I have two sons, one almost 5 and one 2.

Now I get asked if they are twins?

I instantly get irritated by this question, why?

Because to me they look nothing alike, they are brothers, but one is clearly older than the other.

I always have to take a step back and say no, they are 2 and 1/2 years apart. But the things I say in my head are not so nice 🤦🏼‍♀️. Can’t help it.

My older son has a chromosome deletion that causes him to be smaller than normal and mentally younger. I forget that’s not tattooed onto his head. We don’t label in our house, we don’t go around and say “oh, my child is this way because of this”.

Both boys act the same age, look similar in age, and are almost in the same size clothes. So yes, they seem to be “twin like”.

But they are completely different. My older one, is soft, sweet, doesn’t like to rough house, likes to be alone, doesn’t want to be messed with. My younger one is loud, rough, tough, in your face roaring like a dinosaur, crazy child.

So for people to ask if they are twins baffles me.

But from the outside looking in, I get it.

Part of me is still mourning the loss of my first son being a “normal boy”. I don’t want him to be different, I want him to grow at a normal rate, I want him to talk “normal”, I don’t want to worry about what’s gonna happen in the future. I get depressed every season when I look to size up his clothes, and I realize he hasn’t grown.

I know god made my children all different for a reason, and I know they all have their own path. Why can’t I just get one look into the future to see what it is?

[motherofall711]

My child doesn’t like me right now.

My child wants to play with her girlfriends, but I tell her she isn’t to go into the parents house. Yet what keeps happening? Twice now she went into the house, one because “it was too hot” and the second time because “it was sprinkling”.

Why, why don’t these kids listen? She’s 10 going on 20, and is driving me crazy!!!!! I don’t do enough with her, I don’t shower her with effection, I don’t buy enough crap, I make her earn her apps she downloads by doing chores. I make her clean her room daily, I make her play!!!!! Lord I’m a terrible mother!

I know this cronoa bull has caused a lot of summer to suck! But I have tried to explain why, but my daughter doesn’t care or understand!

I’m done. I’m tired, and I’m done.

[motherofall711]

I did a photoshoot with a dear friend yesterday. Her house was lovely, her land was beautiful, and the company was calming.

Our kids played, we chatted, it was nice.

Everything happens for a reason, we met during a time I didn’t know I needed new friends. She is amongst a group of friends I didn’t know I needed. She has helped me heal in ways I didn’t know needed healing.

I am thankful for her and many others god has placed in front of me. Have a great day!

[motherofall711]

My princess! My first born! The one who made me a momma, she will always be my biggest baby. Mommas girl forever! She is the mirror image of myself, she holds me accountable, she’s my mini me. I love my girl!

[motherofall711]

This isn’t like the past independence days. We move forward, and make it a new kind of Independence Day! Happy Fourth of July! Be safe!

[motherofall711]

[tobebrokenlyspiritual]

A week and a half ago I started using Quantum Reiki to help my son.

I felt led to do so because his self injuring was out of hand.

He went from occasionally hitting himself or pulling his hair, to him beating himself all day.

Then it changed to biting.

We were walking and he grew tired and wanted to be carried and I wasn’t able to.

He is a big boy, weighing in at 65- 70 pounds.

That’s half my weight and he is over half my height.

He became so upset that he bit himself hard enough to leave a bright red bruise on his right wrist.

The next day is when I started my work.

Within one day, he almost entirely stopped hitting himself.

Within two days he almost entirely stopped confusing words.

Within three days he was chill and wanting to snuggle all day.

Day four, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, he said a two syllable word.

This just so happens to be his therapists name, Miss Bridget.

Which he said and bid-jeh.

May seem small to some, but when you wait for seven years to see things happen, small things are the big things.

Reiki isn’t just a fly by night thing for us.

Reiki has definitely changed things in our life, in just a week and a half!!

I will continue to treat him, and others, until we get to the full capacity of it’s capability.

All my love to you❤️❤️❤️

[motherofall711]

I just love this woman!

[motherofall711]

My son took this picture, I was watching my kiddos play in the street. My daughter has never had problems gaining friends, she’s easy going, sweet, sensitive, and played well with others.

I have always been overly protective of my second child, my first son. He didn’t play the same as other children, he didn’t speak like other kids. His own sister doesn’t understand how to play with him.

But he was playing with the neighbor girls, they were allowing him to join in and pretend to fix their bikes, he loves to act like he is fixing the tires. He doesn’t talk to them, he doesn’t play the same game as them, but they are kind and allow him to play his own way.

When we got my sons diagnosis he was freshly three, wasn’t speaking, was lining things up, was color corrdinating this toys, we didn’t know what to expect from the genetic testing.

When you are told “retardation” is a factor in your sons diagnosis, that hits you like a ton of bricks. Knocks the breath right out of you.

My first son, the first grandson, my boy was suppose to be the all American boy. He was gonna play baseball, get dirty making forts outside, he was going to be all boy.

Reality is watching him play with the neighbor girls was the best part of my day. I love all my kiddos, each one of them is special in their own way. But I fear for Logan’s future, I fear for school, I fear for after schooling is over. I don’t know what god has planed for him, but I know he will do great things.

[motherofall711]

[motherofall711]

I have three kiddos, my oldest is 10, she is funny, smart, witty, and all girl. My second is 5, he has chromosome 18p deletion, autism, is super sweet, determined, and works harder than any grown men. Me youngest is 2, the best way to explain him is he is a dinosaur. He is loud, crazy, funny, and all boy!

My plan: I was going to be married at 25, have all my kids before 30. I was going to work in accounting, we were going to have a house with a big walk around porch.

Everything was going according to plan, I met my husband right before my 19th birthday, we were married at 23, first child when I was 23.

My daughters birth and pregnancy was really easy, water broke, labored for 18 hours, and she was here 18 days early. Healthy as a horse.

These dates meant more to me than they should. I was in control, my plan was in motion, god laughed.

I spend most of the next 4 years fighting with my husband about wanting a second child. Little did I know what would happen when I would get my wish.

Fast forward five years later, we had our second child. A boy! I grew up with all girls, so to have a boy was a dream. All went well, pregnancy, sonograms, everything. Birth was horrific, I was on oxygen, he got stuck, the doctor had to do a forcept delivery. Practically ripping him out of my body! Little did I know that would be the easy part.

Fast forward another two years later we have our third child. Another boy! Everything went perfectly, although I was terrified from my second birthing experience. I breathed my third child out, not kidding, he came out extremely smoothly. Pushed 4 times and then was told to stop and just breath. He just came out. The most peaceful birth I have ever seen.

After all the births my body bounced back, and even after three kids I was still under 110 lbs. I noticed about a year after having my third that my throat was swollen, I was tired all the time, was loosing hair, loosing weight, had depression, and just didn’t feel well at all. I knew my family history included tyroid problems but didn’t think it would happen to me. Yes I was stupid. I finally went to the doctor and did bloodwork to find I have Hashimotos, an autoimmune disorder, and hypothyroidism. So I have since started meds, and I’m starting to feel better. Not fully healed and may never be. But it’s a start.

[motherofall711]