Stanford F. Pines

@mothfanatic

Stanford Pines RP Blog

1,309 posts

Greetings from- well, I haven't quite decided on what I'd like to call my dimension. I get to name it, correct? I was technically the one who discovered it.. or would that be my muse? I suppose I could name it after him! Enough of my ramblings.

I, Stanford Filbrick Pines, hope to build a device capable of opening up my dimension to others! Recently, my research has hit a rather slow point.. I attempted to reach out to a trusted friend, but it seems he's too busy caring for an infant and his business. He'll come to regret his decision once I show off my portal technology and post my findings relating to Gravity Falls!

Against my muses wishes, I decided to reach out to you! Well, not exactly you, but anyone who ends up finding this signal (This radio is rather impressive! I scavenged the parts from an alien ship)! If you have any advice on inter-dimensional travel or even information on how to build a better communication system (mine is not the most reliable), please respond! I can provide moth facts in return for any information or even just a delightful chat!

Out of character below the cut

#intro #intro post #gravity falls #gravity falls au #gravity falls rp #Gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #journaling #stable coms #inquiries #log book #inquires

Are you ignoring Bill?

[Ford rubs the back of his neck] Ignoring is a harsh word.

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #inquiries

KEEP ENCOURAGING IT STAN

[Stan peeks out of his room for Ford. He closes the door and starts laughing] I plan to! I'm getting rid or EVERYTHING in that room I can! I already convinced him to melt down one of his statues for the greater good of the portal or whatever. I even plan to drag David into it! No one creepy stalker triangle

#gravity falls rp blog #stanley pines #inquiries

I have to throw away the custom carpet I made because SOMEONE let his possum into my shrine room and it peed on it

[Stan is giggling. He gives his possum a treat]

DONT ENCOURAGE THIS BEHAVIOR

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #stanley pines #journaling

Excited at Lee's return David attempted to copy him....

He can only change into items the same size as him. A uncanny small Stan is running around!!! I don't want to discourage David from practicing but-- it is creepy.... It looks like someone crushed Lee like a soda can.

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #journaling

I'm not a lady and I still have a crush on Stanley.

I will give him all my money happily. 😼

[Stan smooths his hair back.] Heh Hey there! Everyone knows I'm not picky!! [He winks at you]

Stanley have some dignity

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #stanley pines #inquiries

Let's stealing big bro food!

He acts like I starve him

#gravity falls rp blog #Stanford pines #stanley pines #journaling

Jan 1983

Stanley returns.

I've rumimated on the conversation that would precede this almost everyday since he had disappeared without so much as a word. It distracted me from my work (Bill offered to take my mind off it by removing memories temporarily but I declined his offer). Planned out my words carefully and considered what his reactions would be.

In the end all of it was for nothing. I miscalculated how accustomed I had gotten to his company and how much I missed him. I sprinted towards Stanley once he was out of his car and brought him into a hug.

The smell of smoke coming from him had me sending him directly to the shower.

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #journaling

I have a crush on your brother btw

Hope that's okay

you have a crush on Stanley?? Of all people?

Hes always been popular with the ladies...

I recommend you don't fall for him! I assure you he will break your heart and scam you!!!

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #inquiries

Do u like luu

Yes?

#gravity falls rp blog #stanford pines #inquiries

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[they hum, nodding along.]

"..speaking of stanford. when you get back, be careful, alright?"

[Stan cringes] do you think he's mad??

"im THINKING that maybe Bill's gonna try something with you again. those, uh..dreams, right? you mentioned something about weird dreams?"

[Stan puts his hands in his pockets. He leans back] Yeah-- Told you it's just paranoia

I like to listen to my gut and it told me the same thing the dreams were "get the fuck away from here"

If Bill could do anything to me he would have by now. SUCK IT YOU ROTTING POINTY GRADE SCHOOL MATH PROBLEM!!! DO YOUR WORST [Stan laughs]

"you dont want to see him do his worst."

[..why did their tone shift? its all...serious, now.]

[The smile leaves Stan's face] What is his worst?

"you ever seen a couch made of living human flesh?"

No but I have seen a necklace made of teeth

DID YOU SAY LIVING???

"YEAH, LIVING. and thats not even the WORST."

[they jab a finger at STANLEYS chest.]

"whether I like it or not, stanley, I know bill. hes not some— sentient triangle that youll find in kids cartoons, hes a dream demon that holds near unfathomable knowledgez far more than any human mind can comprehend. I dont want you underestimating him, 'kay?"

....

[Stan slaps himself.] 'Kay

And If I take down that portal he can't do any of that is that right?? If it was up to me we would take a bat to that thing! But sixer would rebuild it. He needs to take off those rose tinted glasses

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[they hum, nodding along.]

"..speaking of stanford. when you get back, be careful, alright?"

[Stan cringes] do you think he's mad??

"im THINKING that maybe Bill's gonna try something with you again. those, uh..dreams, right? you mentioned something about weird dreams?"

[Stan puts his hands in his pockets. He leans back] Yeah-- Told you it's just paranoia

I like to listen to my gut and it told me the same thing the dreams were "get the fuck away from here"

If Bill could do anything to me he would have by now. SUCK IT YOU ROTTING POINTY GRADE SCHOOL MATH PROBLEM!!! DO YOUR WORST [Stan laughs]

"you dont want to see him do his worst."

[..why did their tone shift? its all...serious, now.]

[The smile leaves Stan's face] What is his worst?

"you ever seen a couch made of living human flesh?"

No but I have seen a necklace made of teeth

DID YOU SAY LIVING???

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[they hum, nodding along.]

"..speaking of stanford. when you get back, be careful, alright?"

[Stan cringes] do you think he's mad??

"im THINKING that maybe Bill's gonna try something with you again. those, uh..dreams, right? you mentioned something about weird dreams?"

[Stan puts his hands in his pockets. He leans back] Yeah-- Told you it's just paranoia

I like to listen to my gut and it told me the same thing the dreams were "get the fuck away from here"

If Bill could do anything to me he would have by now. SUCK IT YOU ROTTING POINTY GRADE SCHOOL MATH PROBLEM!!! DO YOUR WORST [Stan laughs]

"you dont want to see him do his worst."

[..why did their tone shift? its all...serious, now.]

[The smile leaves Stan's face] What is his worst?

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[they hum, nodding along.]

"..speaking of stanford. when you get back, be careful, alright?"

[Stan cringes] do you think he's mad??

"im THINKING that maybe Bill's gonna try something with you again. those, uh..dreams, right? you mentioned something about weird dreams?"

[Stan puts his hands in his pockets. He leans back] Yeah-- Told you it's just paranoia

I like to listen to my gut and it told me the same thing the dreams were "get the fuck away from here"

If Bill could do anything to me he would have by now. SUCK IT YOU ROTTING POINTY GRADE SCHOOL MATH PROBLEM!!! DO YOUR WORST [Stan laughs]

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[they hum, nodding along.]

"..speaking of stanford. when you get back, be careful, alright?"

[Stan cringes] do you think he's mad??

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

"...damn. its gonna be a struggle getting off those things, so I wish you luck."

I don't need luck when I have Sixer to nag me 24/7!! Every morning I woke up with a research paper on my face about the bad effects of smoking or methods for quiting

When I get back-- I need to drop Jimmie off before I go back. He already knows my real name he does not need to learn about my family

[Wilhelm is called by a unknown number]

@mothfanatic

[WILHELM answers. they sound tired.]

"hm?"

[theres a voice in the background that mumbles something. sounds like a question.]

[A awkward laugh comes through] Heya Will

Been some time. What times it for you?? Y'sound a tired

"hOLY FUCK— STANLEY?!"

"s'at stan?"

"yes! oh my god— dude! hey! its, like, um— fuck, what time is it—"

"twelve a.m."

"thanks harv. um, yeah, its that time. where the hell have you been?? are you safe??"

The one and only!! Legally. Legally the one an only.

Been shacking up with an old friend a mine. Was meaning to call you sooner once I got closer to Ford's but met up with him and let it slip from mind

I'm fine!!! Got paranoid and decided to skip town for a bit s'all.

[theres a sigh of relief]

"thank god..."

I really need to get back on the road. Jimmey ah, the old friend a mine! Sorta showed up out of nowhere while I was on my way back and we've been goofing off since but--

I need to check on sixer. He's got to be lonely and I wanted to set something up for trickster who ah, you know he is addicted to glass?? And holed up in one of them psych places yeah??

"addicted to glass— no, thats not– that's not whats going on. it was some...um, shadow crystal thing, showed him an alternate timeline, or something. tricksters getting the help he needs— all i know right now is hes currently pretty violent, and they had to keep him in his room 'till he calmed down, and—"

[the rest of that is just mumbles. man. they sound tired.]

"—n' yeah. fuck, i shouldve checked on stanford...dunno if I can with his bill on my back. you be careful, dude, okay? you still got the gun i gave you?"

Ah, okay that makes a whole bunch more sense! I guess. Sixer would kill to get his hands on something like that!! Sounds like the sci-fi crap hes into. Tricksters going through it. Are you able to visit him?? Anyway you can tell him I'm thinking about him?

I still have her in my passenger compartment! Sorry for bothering you so late you want to get off and talk after you've gotten your beauty sleep old man?

"ive been sending letters. ill send 'im a letter about you, don' worry."

[they snort.]

"oh, hush it. im not THAT old."

"youve got gray hairs, muse."

"shut. and im fine to talk a bit longer. I dont need sleep."

I think I will bake some cookies for him when he gets out. Maybe try my hand at making a triamisu since Ford's a caffeine junkie!

[There's a laugh] How old are you again? 100? 200?? You sound like prime scamming age to me!

You definitely need sleep if I can tell you're tired over the phone

"hn, maybe.."

"im five hundred and nineteen, for your information. much younger than your brothers 'muse'."

"s'just cause I woke up, man. its finee."

Wait-- how old is the creep he's hanging around???

Whatever you say man

"hn...in his trillions, id say?"

Sixer is a damn enigma

That fucker better be loaded

"he lives in the NIGHTMARE DIMENSION, stanley. I dunno if he even has MONEY."

What the fuck I'm making fun of sixer when I get back

Its like bagging a vampire that lives in a trailer

[WILHELM snorts, and. ok yeaj. theyre laughing. HARVEY's also laughing in the background.]

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT— EHAHAHA—"

[..jesus. their laugh sounds like BILL'S.]

[Stan begins laughing too. He stops suddenly.] For fucks sake--

I feel like an idiot! Been having nightmares. Why i left town in the first place yknow! No offense but your laugh can be real creepy in different contexts

[they stop]

"my laugh?? nightmares??"

Yeah apparently your brain just mashes crap together to get a rise out of you when you're dreaming. Must've taken your laugh and decided it would be really messed up to mix in with already shitty dreams

"...jesus."

Yeah. Sixers going to take the piss out of me once I tell him that

"...take the piss out of you?"

How have you never heard that one?

"I dont keep up with slang a whole lot, okay??"

[Stan covers his words with coughs] Old man

Means hes going to make fun of me

"ohhh.."

"also I HEARD THAT."

Heard what? I think you're hearing things grandpa

"..is jimmy still there."

Yeah course he is-- In my car right now! I'm at a pay phone

"call him over."

Why? You got some beef with him??

"nono, just— nevermind."

[before stan can answer, he is abruptly PUNCHED in the shoulder. by what? he cant see that.]

"THATS for calling me grandpa."

[Stan shouts. He drops the phone]

[Stan whips around and breaks out in a fit of laughter. He shoves Wilhelm. He is smiling] your lucky I don't have my brass knuckles on me! jerk!!

"hey, not like it wouldve done much to me!"

[they appear once he shoves him, and theyre just grinning.]

"also, this isnt my real body, so it wouldnt have done much! duplicates, n' all that, yknow?"

You remind me of the cat from Alice and the wonderland. Yknow the one with that creepy ass grin that dissappears

How many wilhelms are running around out there??

"the Cheshire cat?"

[they merely tilt their head to the side.]

"oh, im not sure...quite a few? though if theres too much for too long, I tend to get disoriented."

[Stan snaps and nods] Yes!! Except you're less menacing.

How do you not know how many you made?? That sounds like a disaster waitn to answer

"LESS?" [they snort.]

"oh, i know the number..sometimes. and its not a disaster waiting to happen!"

WAY less

Sounds confusing if not a disaster! One hella a party though

[Stan looks at the car and back. He speaks in a quieter voice] listen-- you can meet Jimmie but don't do anything to freak him out and don't mention Stanford kay?

[they just shrug, turning their head to the truck.]

"I was gonna originally get HIM to punch you, but...yeah, alright. not sure what would count as 'freaking him out', though."

[Stan gapes at them. He laughs] you ass wipe!!! Do your own dirty work! I think beating the shit out of me is the only thing that man would do for free

He isn't use to all the cryptids and stuff yknow?

"HAH! Yeah, probably.."

[they just.give him a look.]

"you dont think he saw me appearing outta nowhere, right?"

That man's high as a kite

"...I KNEW i smelled something!"

Yeah we were passing a joint before I was reminded to give you a call

"huh."

[..they look tempted to ask for some, but. well, wouldnt be much point to it. they wouldnt actually get high.]

I can tell you want some

"...mmmaybe. but it wouldnt do anything. and I really shouldnt, anyways."

Aliens can't smoke weed???? [Stan looks at Wilhelm with pity]

"I can HAVE weed, stanley, I just shouldnt. it wouldnt really have any affect on me, and even if this is a duplicate, ive got, like, two kids at home! im trying to lay off the stuff, yknow?"

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD BRATS AT HOME-- WHOS WATCHING THEM??? Never would have offered you shit! Influencing them to do drugs is not something I plan on. I haven't smoked in so long cuz of David! I don't want the kid to get used to the smell of cigars or anything else like that

"okay, one, harv's with them. two, only one of them's my kid, the other one is a friend of mine's daughter. watching her while hes away. if i smoke anything, I usually go away from the house to do that shit."

That's real sweet of you. If I ever knock someone up are you going to watch my kids for free to?

I have been trying to stop completely

Stop smoking cigars not weed. I am not trying to torture myself!

"AHAH! no. absolutely not. hire a babysitter." [they bop him on the head.]

"good for you! ...I think."

[Stan groans] Fineeeee My go to babysitter is going to be the firemen! [He laughs at his own joke. People who do not want children will leave them at firestations]

Good for my lungs not me. Do you know how hard it is to quit smoking??? They should really warn people about that

"they dont warn you that nicotine is addictive?"

Ehhhhhhh

My pa didn't warn me about that or the kids I got my first cig from I'm assuming I'm not the only idiot out there that thought it was a harmless way to look cool

Stanford F. Pines @mothfanatic - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag