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★
Noah Kahan
if i look back, i am lost
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
untitled
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Greek soldier: “I’m sorry Patroclus, but you’re banned from working in the infirmary”
Patroclus: “What? Why?”
Soldier: “It’s Achilles. We can’t have him getting hurt every day just to come see you. He’s our best soldier you know”
Patroclus: “That’s not - I mean yeah, he’s an idiot, but you can’t just -“
Achilles: *walking in, dramatically limping* “Help me Patroclus! My left toe is bleeding!”
Agamemnon: Achilles, can you stop kissing Patroclus at the meetings of the chiefs?
Achilles: I'm sorry, the doctor has prescribed a dose of ten kisses a day.
Agamemnon: But what doctor…?
Patroclus: Doctor's orders.
Odysseus: What's up with Achilles? He has been laying on the floor for like.. an hour now?
Breises: He's a bit overwhelmed
Odysseus: And why is that?
Breises: Patroclus smiled at him
achilles: i'm going to flirt with patroclus and make advances on him by pushing him on the bed and rubbing my nose against his patroclus: kisses him achilles: running away .... i did not think this through
achilles: my boyfriend is just the kindest boy on earth, a literal angel that can do no wrong, he-
odysseus: didnt he kill someone
achilles: and im gonna make sure you're next if u dont shut up
Does anyone else listen to this song? If so do you know any other song recommendations like this or related to Achilles?
Because when I try finding anything basically nothing comes up.
Odysseus: What's the most important thing you learned during this war?
Diomedes: Never underestimate your enemy.
Teucer: Always keep your weapons close.
Calchas: Fate is rarely as straightforward as it seems.
Idomeneus: Never trust a quiet battlefield.
Epeius: Apparently, I can build a giant wooden horse.
Eumelus: Apparently, I can also lose a horse.
Antilochus: Never race someone who has nothing to lose.
Meriones: Always carry extra weapons.
Tlepolemus: Never underestimate someone who looks harmless.
Podalirius: Learn basic first aid.
Machaon: THANK YOU.
Elephenor: Don't stand too close to Ajax.
Ajax: Why?
Elephenor: You know why.
Neoptolemus: Never let your father find out what you've been doing.
Achilles: Don't get emotionally attached.
Everyone: ...
Odysseus: Well, that got depressing.
Achilles: I answered the question.
(Patroclus isn't there because, uhm. I'm sure we all know why. No explanation needed.)
I RAN OUT OF TAGS, APOLOGIES.
Agamemnon: I am the leader of this army.
Odysseus: Yes.
Agamemnon: Therefore, when I say something—
Odysseus: We all suffer?
Agamemnon: NO.
Odysseus: Ah. My mistake.
Agamemnon: You are deliberately misunderstanding me.
Odysseus: Correct.
Oh my, little does Achilles know – He'll lose Patroclus in a war.
All thanks to Patroclus wearing his armour. 🥺😔
Briseis: Hey Achilles—woah, are you okay? Achilles, laying face-flat on the floor: Living is a curse and existence is a punishment. Odysseus: Patroclus went on a date with some guy. Patroclus, walking in: Worst. Date. Ever. It was so damn boring! Achilles, getting up: Life is a gift and existence is a blessing!
Achilles:- Guys I'm back
Agamemnon:- Back from the cock sucking factory????
Achilles:- No from inpatient cuz i was suicidal
Achilles: “There’s like two people I actually like”
Ajax: “Who are the lucky two?”
Achilles: “Well, the first one is Patroclus, of course”
Odysseus: “I’m genuinely curious who the second one might be”
Achilles: “It’s Patroclus when he’s wearing my clothes”
Soldier: “But he’s not a different person”
Achilles: “OH YEAH? CUZ U ALL SURE THOUGHT HE WAS”
Achilles: “Patroclus is like a 6/10 boyfriend”
Odysseus: “What do you mean?”
Achilles: “He doesn’t do the dishes, he can be really mean sometimes and his feet stink so badly I have to sleep in another tent sometimes”
Ajax: “Then why are you staying with him?”
Achilles: “Oh, you know, I don’t want to break his heart”
Briseis (to Patroclus): “Are you gonna let him talk about you like that?”
Patroclus: “Oh don’t worry, he’s just convinced everyone here is into me, he’s making sure there’s no competition”
Achilles: And how do you think you can stop me?
Agamemnon: I'll tell Patroclus.
Achilles:
Achilles: You sick bastard.
If he was the sun do I have to be the moon? Because I much rather like to be the utmost darkness that surrounds him in space. I want to be the endless night, the hungry void that dances around him and holds him close. The only being brave enough to touch him without burning to cinders.
Why is it always:
"The sun and moon"
"The dark and light"
"The night and morning"
"The skies and the earth"
"The sun and the rain"
"The dawn and dusk"
And whatever other duo.
But never this? Because I'd take this any day unlike those other duos that are basically opposite and I believe almost never touch.
“How much sorrow can I take” except it’s Achilles sleeping with Patroclus body for multiple nights after he was killed because he didn’t want to forget how it felt to hold him
Honestly, the fact in the Iliad Zeus had to restrain Achilles because his rage and grief for Patroclus could defy fate and destroy Troy before it was meant too fall.
Get me a man/woman like this 🙏🙏
