Esotericectasy

18 ⋆˚࿔ Insta: SorrowfulBallerina

[esotericectasy]

Im a sentimental girl

[esotericectasy]

I picture cracking her lovely skull unspooling her brains trying to get answers

[esotericectasy]

Hoeing down on a flat white no syrup no sugar im chic asf

[esotericectasy]

I kept looking for poetry in people, then I realized I was writing it.

[esotericectasy]

🦞🦪🍷🎰

[slightdamage]

[esotericectasy]

[esotericectasy]

I don’t think I can bear growing old. I don’t want to play back the same memories and suffer my own head the rest of my life. And when it comes to it being the end, I simply don’t want to be aware of the fact. I also don’t think I can bear watching everyone I know and everyone I’ve ever met die. I just don’t understand how everyone does it and how has every soul before me managed this burden? as should I, perhaps. I don’t want the last of me to be some nuanced story I’ve told to my grand children, spoken by a voice of skin covered by wrinkles and greying hair stripped of pigmentation. I don’t want my skin to be remembered with wrinkles, but with its everlasting elasticity. I curse my hair turning grey, as I hope for it always to remain honey brown, and lighten by the sheer glare of the sun. I don’t think I can bear one day being stripped of beauty and of youth, and of dignity so perhaps I should die this way and live forever in everlasting immortality.

[esotericectasy]

Im so tired that I need to take a copious amount of prescription pills in attempt to hibernate for a whole year I don’t just need sleep I need a complete mental and spiritual reset

[esotericectasy]

[overclassy]

[esotericectasy]

Looking at photos to me is so depressing. Whenever I look at a portrait of a king or queen, from centuries ago since they were wealthy enough to have detailed portraits, all I can think of is the fact that they didn’t understand just how fleeting that moment truly was. How people will look at this portrait of them centuries later and they will be stuck in this moment and only this moment, frozen in time forever. As centuries pass long after they are gone, and there will be more moments and more people to experience them, until you simply cease to exist and all thats left of you is a terribly brief, forgotten glimpse of what once was and no longer is.

[chloesevignysbowlcut]

[esotericectasy]

I like getting wine drunk and laughing uncontrollably

[esotericectasy]

Her being willing to endure the pain of never being with him instead of being with him and getting her heart broken is my Roman Empire

[esotericectasy]

I give a fuck, I give lots of fucks. Im a prostitute of feelings.

[missmirrorselfie01]

i can't let things go. the idea of having invested my time and my heart into things that weren't meant for me tears me apart. and i think that maybe it's a great lesson to learn and that even if it's temporary, everything is useful if we know how to see it. i truly believe it inside my mind but my soul all refuses to believe it was what it was. if I only knew how to accept it. and i find myself unable to walk away even from what hurts me. to the point it starts haunting me. i can't cut ties with this guy, even though he makes me miserable. i don't believe any of his words and i don't feel like a single word of his comes from the heart. it's as if i'm standing right there in front of him, but he doesn't truly see me. i feel transparent. i feel like i'm trying to be seen by someone who is looking elsewhere. i feel like a body speaking of voids that i fill with sex. i dream of being desired. of hearing words from the heart. of having someone wrap me in a warmth that answers my longing to be a two together. and i always feel all alone in relationships that become heavy because i'm carrying them all by myself. i feel blue. i feel a blue almost transparent