the hater zone @mothranting - Tumblr Blog

talking to my mom about things i want to do so i can make money is like pulling my teetj out

#she always like. gets Weird about it #she wants me to make money but she gets weird whenever i go 'oh i was thinking about doing xyz'#and then i dont do it. because she was weird

I forgot I have a shocking inability to accept/process changes in plan

#internet went out the day I was gonna hang out with friends & play drch5 and I'm about to start peeling paint off the walls and eating it #I Could use my data but I feel like I'd get in trouble. despite the fact that we have unlimited data w/ a decent amount of hotspot allowance #because I was told that I could use it if I Need it. and technically this isn't a need. even if I feel like I'm gonna explode

sighs reallyreally heavily

#nothing i feel like getting into here stuff w/ a friend i didnt see until now because it was in a server i dont talk in much #not like. huge deal level stuff but im just. -_- ok

oh the person I blocked for being weirdly terf-y went full on self admitted terf because of a cartoon buny. okay

#wanted to double check if I was Right because I rembered and went 'well.. if I was wrong I'll feel bad'#and Yeah I was right #haven't seen the thing in question for myself but like #you can criticize writing decisions/the creator without doing all of that

seen more nonbinary character talk lately in a lot of spaces & i always get scared but me when i make a post. about nonbinary characterization & being nonbinary. idk. very glad to see the push to recognize that nonbinary character =/= "ambiguous mystery that we have to Solve to get to the Right Binary" .. and like i do not think this next bit is a Widespread Prevalent Issue in the sense that the nonbinary community just mysteriously hasn't considered it. mostly in the sense that i know exactly why people are talking about it because it also makes me uncomfortable.. it just seems like i've seen a slight push Away from like. the idea that a nonbinary person Can be in a lesbian relationship ? at the very least i've seen this re: nonbinary characters & as a nonbinary lesbian bug it can feel. idk not Scary just like.

people already view me as "woman lite" when that's not true... it's simply not what i am. & sometimes it feels like because the label of lesbian is so important to me, other nonbinary people do this Also.. which i know is probably a Me Issue. it just Can have potential to feel very alienating.. i feel like lately i have seen more "nonbinary x woman relationship should Always be trixic instead of lesbian" type stuff & iiii dont ljke it... very much... which again is probably a me thing & i have no issue with people doing this i just dont like the idea of it becoming a hard line kind of thing. because it was pushed on Me the Real Person in online spaces when i was discovering my nonbinaryness. nonbinary =/= third gender either... i dont want it to become a Third Gender where there can never be nuance in identity & sometimes it feels like people shut down exploration of subtext in favor of treating it like it is just. like. a third gender? i dont wuant a trinary? i want beautiful nuance?

#i feel like saying this is a 'i feel uncomfortable when we arent about me' kind of deal.. so im embarrassed..#but i feel like its something that gets overlooked. sometimes. is all.. im not saying this as an 'other labels are STUPID and INVALID' thin #its more. me being the Nuance Animal. hi im the nuance animal #and coming from a place of. like. this is important to Me & i wuant it to be known..#not intended to be a big discoursey Thing or wuatever this is a personal post on my personal blog where i talk about things personal to me #with my nuanced mind #this isnt about any one specific thing ive seen it around a Lot recently & im injecting my nuance serum into my blog #maybe its me reading too far into things.. idk. i do this often. but i dont care because conversations like this very easily lose nuance #that can be very important to the other nonbinary people in the community #glad that people r talking about other potential labels for nonbinary relationships but ive seen some sentiment that leans #to me. a little too far in the opposite direction of 'you CANNOT call nonbinary relationships xyz'#for my liking. as the nuance animal.#nonbinary is a very nuanced identity.. lets all exist outside the gender binary together #& specifically i see this happen a lot where it feels like people dont Like that like #sometimes. people actually do in fact transition while nonbinary & there can be a lot of variables & nuance in What that transition is Like #especially socially. when you're nonbinary. depending on your agab & such. ive usually seen this discussion leveraged against #transfem nonbinary readings/headcanons of characters in particular... as if you Cannot be transfeminine and nonbinary #when it feels like transmasc readings/headcanons of nonbinary characters are more prevalent & more like. idk. people dont treat it the same #people usually dont leverage the same 'why cant they just be nonbinary' against like. a nonbinary character w/ masc top surgery #or wearing a binder. or more 'masculine' clothing. at least that ive seen.#& in Certain Fandom. whenever Character is hced as a feminine nonbinary person it is Always Without Fail #a very feminine afab person who uses she/they pronouns and is treated by the writers indistinguishably from a cis woman #it kind of drives me crazy! that nonbinary is either Man Lite or Woman Lite #or iguess. if youre lucky. a third thing with just as many hard boundaries as the first two #head in my paws. someone take me to nuance world NOW !!!!!

& I don't even feel like going out of my room to get dinner :[

#crazy it's like being shamed for eating makes me not wanna

our insurance doesn't cover therapy out here so I can't even do that...... maybe i should get back into journaling

#hate publicly spiraling.....#I feel like it's happening more & more lately and idk why #maybe my brain is turning to mush in my skull and that's why

me when I type something out and then realize it sounds stupid. and delete it. I'm normal

#iim really fine an d healthy actually and I haven't ever had issues #and I'm normal #and . my family loves me .#and I will not say anything really concerning or scary on tumblr dot com

keep getting shit for not doing things but when I say I want to do them I get told that I definitely won't and would never ever be able to commit to anything and idk. really demotivating. maybe this is part of why I have trouble committing to anything because I know people only think it's inevitable that I'll fuck up & they don't actually Care About Me

#every time I've tried to get into exercise at home this happens and then I get demotivated #or like. eating better #or doing Anything for myself #any project any long term goal #and I'm not the kind of person who lives to prove them wrong or whatever or gets motivated out of spite #it's just. making me feel bad. every time I say I want to try.#maybe they have a point I was bad at committing to things for a long time.. but. it's just so. like #now I feel like I can never change or try to do better

maybe if I keep trying I'll discover the secret to being good enough

#if I never soeak again and never eat anything yumy and stop having fun Maybe it will be enough..#I keep saying & doing things that my family doesn't ljke. so if I just never do anything. then they can't get mad 👍 I've cracked the code #(<- this is all like. imnot doing that)#(its just frustrating. when im Bad. but because im Bad im too anxious to do anything. which also makes me Bad.)#I wish I could pack a bag with all my stuff in it like a cartoon character and just go away.. to somewhere else

my mom's been doing her really discreet body shaming lately & passive aggressive comments on my activity habits & such . yaaay .

#kneads...... really pitifully....#I think I might be developing some kind of problem but idk....#my sister was also doing it earlier :[#mewhen I feel really yucky....

I figured out what was making me lose my poor little mind.. and I think that'll make it easier....

#there will always be games I can play with my friends...#there will always be ways to hang out... with my friends...

anticurses

literally what is up with this

wailing and clawing my eyes out I hate yearning at like 3 in the morning while hormonal and cramping this should be patched out

#I'm always yearning for things & people i can't have #& for the people I love to be near me #online relationships are Hard for me because I hate having to actively text to keep up w my girlfriends..#I've been in a really nontalkative mood for a While and it sucks that it just seems like I'm ignoring ppl when I do this #like no... I just need to like lay nearby quietly and knead on you #I need November to get here sooner #need my gf here with me I miss her Bad

me when I voice my opinion (I will now Get Scared until someone else says something)

mothranting

it bothers me somewhat that intersex has become a "progressive" fandom word for "has fully functional pussy And penis" or whatever under an ideal of being More Friendly to intersex people when in reality it's like.. not what being intersex Is in like the vast majority of cases if not None of them and if I say anything I'm gonna seem like the asshole. sad.

mothranting

and it's like I'm intersex and I for sure don't have a pussy And a penis like I'm not gonna describe my genitals in detail or anything but . like . I keep seeing it and it frustrates me.... but I feel like I'm just being mean and evil for wanting to say "umm can we maybe use different language it makes me uncomfortable.." like I feel like I'm doing the "I am uncomfortable when it's not about me??" tweet thing..... sad. sad

#I think something like bisexed / dual sexed is better personally. if your fantasy thingy has Both.#intersex being shorthand for Both Systems Working Normally pisses me OFF!!!!!!!#like I have an intersex oc who . her whole thing is that she's a bug that lays eggs and her eggs don't develop properly #& her ovipositor tract is too small to push them through easily. & she has poorly developed hormonal systems #leading to pheromone disregulation & lack of pheromone responses #but I get scared that it'll be interpreted wrong!! because this fandom Loves making [character] the like #stereotypical “both types of organ” Fantasy Fetishy Intersex !!!!#idk I'm sure it's not this deep I just feel like if I say anything I'll be killed dead forever with hammers and rock s

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