Tagging: @deficd @beastbitten @tomorrowls
You have a fundamental belief that you will lose the people you love and be left emotionally isolated. Whether you imagine that they will die, send you away, or leave you, somehow you feel that it is inevitable that you will be left alone. You expect to be abandoned, and you see the state of loneliness as the default condition in your life. In your heart, you feel it is your destiny to live completely alone. You often read the intent to abandon you into even innocent remarks made by others. Anything that feels like others have disengaged can trigger these fears in you, even if there is no actual danger. Once triggered, you tend to go through a cycle of negative emotions – anger, grief, and fear.
People with abandonment can be alone for long periods of time. They might withdraw from close relationships out of hurt, or out of fear of being hurt again. Many have already faced loneliness as children and know they can survive it. Loneliness is not the issue. Rather, it is the process of separation that is devastating – that is, having a connection and then losing it, only to be thrown back into loneliness once more.
The emotion most recurring in you is shame. Shame is what you feel when your defects are exposed. You will do almost anything to avoid this shame. Consequently you go to great lengths to keep your defectiveness hidden. You feel that your defectiveness is inside you and not immediately observable. You feel like you have to pretend to be someone you are not to be accepted. You hide your true self to fit in, but that also means that many people in your life will never know the real you.
At your core you feel completely unworthy of love. It is possible that you struggle with feelings of depression – a kind of low-level depression always lurking in the background. You may be drawn to partners who are critical of you and put you down. They generate high chemistry, but reinforce your feelings of defectiveness.
It is likely that you spend a lot of time comparing yourself unfavorably to others and feel inadequate as a result. You feel like an impostor when you are successful. You are anxious that you cannot maintain your success. Your sense of well-being is fragile, and even small setbacks or failures may be enough to make you nervous and stressed. To feel humiliated and inadequate, as if the whole world is about to catch sight of your defectiveness.
